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  1. #41
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I don't want to avoid or have a formula to cope, I want to learn to grow through a difficult experience. I want to accept and honor memories, rather than allowing the experience to be an end all. I want to help teach my kids to deal with death in a good way. I don't see death as an awful thing. I am not the only person to have to deal with death, why not ask for input from other people.
    There are worse things, for sure. As far as helping kids deal - I think the worst thing you can do is pretend it isn't happening or make up some story to "spare" them. Children deserve the unvarnished truth, they can often cope much better than adults think.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #42
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    There are worse things, for sure. As far as helping kids deal - I think the worst thing you can do is pretend it isn't happening or make up some story to "spare" them. Children deserve the unvarnished truth, they can often cope much better than adults think.
    I agree with this. My Dad did this with me, and I think I was much better off in my understanding of the situation.

    Good luck.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  3. #43
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Personally, when I die I hope that my consciousness will have ceased to function enough that I won't care about being dead.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  4. #44
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    My advice: Allow yourself to mourn initially. It seems that people who don't allow themselves to do that, however you need to do it.. end up hurting longer later on down the road. Something bad happened. there's no need to pretend like it didn't.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  5. #45
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Focusing on what my kids might be able to get out of it might be a good way to deal with it. Maybe making up a photo album for each of them and having them write stuff they remember about the family member and including it in the album for them to keep. Maybe even bring the albums to the funeral if I get them together by then.

    There is no funeral yet, but there will be soon. No long suffering, just a really full life.

    I don't want to derail the thread, it's very interesting to see people's take on death. It's been very helpful.

  6. #46

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I've never had someone close to me die so I am unsure about the best way to deal with death. I am looking for ideas or thoughts on how to take death.

    I think the closest I've ever been was when my 4 month old had very serious surgery and I was a basket case. I could even start to cry if I saw the name of the surgeon for months afterwards.

    I would like to avoid that type of thing but I'm not sure if there is a way to do it. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome.

    Maybe the best way you got to a stable point after a very close-to-you-death?

    How do you deal with stupid things people say?

    How do you avoid crying like crazy at the funeral? Is this even a goal?
    A few people close to me have died. I think everyone deals with death differently, I have been the one that reads the eulogy representing my brothers and sisters at the funeral every time and that has helped me to sort through feelings. My brother cries a lot at funerals, he always has. I don't know why some people are more like that and some people aren't. I am more inside, sorting through how I feel. I don't block any feeling, I think that is important, however you need to deal with it the best thing you can do is let the feelings move through you. The funeral is your time to express how you felt about the person. If crying works then it works. People say stupid things, I have said stupid things, trying to sort through feelings.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by mr.awesome View Post
    my dog died today :[
    it hasnt even hit me yet. just sorta waiting for the **** feeling to come.
    sorry to hear that, i hope you're okay

  8. #48
    Charting a course
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    There are worse things, for sure. As far as helping kids deal - I think the worst thing you can do is pretend it isn't happening or make up some story to "spare" them. Children deserve the unvarnished truth, they can often cope much better than adults think.
    Heh. When my father died, I was seven. The family took me to the funeral, forced me to touch him, I didn't know what to think. The next day they acted as if it never happened. And it was never spoken of again.

    I asked questions for many years, the only family member I ever got straight answers from was my mother. And then, only after I was an adult, and hadn't spoken to her for years.

    Not all that healthy.

  9. #49
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I've never had someone close to me die so I am unsure about the best way to deal with death. I am looking for ideas or thoughts on how to take death.

    I think the closest I've ever been was when my 4 month old had very serious surgery and I was a basket case. I could even start to cry if I saw the name of the surgeon for months afterwards.

    I would like to avoid that type of thing but I'm not sure if there is a way to do it. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome.

    Maybe the best way you got to a stable point after a very close-to-you-death?

    How do you deal with stupid things people say?

    How do you avoid crying like crazy at the funeral? Is this even a goal?
    There is no deal.

  10. #50
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^Succinct, profound, correct. As usual.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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