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  1. #121
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    BTW dont spank you lover how you/a kid gets spanked. At least most females like it lower on the bottom (with a little top variation)...it seems...followed by an occasional heart felt little rub.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  2. #122
    Member ElusiveRain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post


    My sister is an ESTJ. Spanking was the only way to keep her within reasonable boundaries. She would fly completely off the handle, she could not be reasoned with, she would scream and go into absolute hysterics. If you tried to talk to her, reason with her, put her on time out, anything of that sort, you would only feed into her outbursts and make them worse. The spankings almost acted as a way to snap her back into reality. They were the ONLY thing that calmed her down. They went to child rearing seminars, took her to a child therapist, bought all manner of self help books, but nothing they tried worked. Only the spankings.

    I feel I should also mention that even as an adult, reasoning with her and trying to talk things out only makes the situation worse. She married recently and her husband has found that the only way to deal with her is to be very firm and assertive and black-and-white. When she has one of her tantrums, he has to tell her the way things are going to be and she doesn't have a choice in the matter and that if she's not going to calm down and cooperate, she can leave the house and come back when she decides to be reasonable.

    Two questions for you:

    1. What moral issue keeps your sister's husband from spanking her now, if physical discomfort works best on her?

    2. If spankings work so well, why is she still acting the same way as an adult?

    Aphrodite, I know what might be coming this time

    EDIT: Oh, and I do have my own children.

  3. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by ElusiveRain View Post
    When a child is spanked in toddler years, the child is being taught not to do something because they might be inflicted with pain (if found out). It does not teach the real reason the act should not be performed.

    When a child is spanked in young (elementary school) years, the child is taught not to do something out of fear of their parents' wrath--Again, this does not teach the child why he should not be doing something, because they are too afraid of the spanking to think about anything else.





    This is a subject I feel strongly about, and I'm sorry to have offended anyone in particular. If I can save one child from that intense fear, hatred, and self-depricating feeling that spanking can give a young one, this has served its purpose.
    First of all you have not offended me at all, but let me ask you this, did your mom seem enraged and out of control? Did the spankings seem random or to outweigh the infraction?


    As a mom of teenagers, I have another question to ask . . . what do you do with a kid with whom you have not only explained the consequences and moral obligation, but you have provided them with examples of other people getting hurt and watched them hurt themselves repeatedly? You've told them their positive points and bent over backwards to give them plenty of natural consequences and encouraged/rewarded them when ever they did the "right" thing only to have them knowingly and consistently choose the painful/dangerous option?

    It is a very hard thing as a mom to have two kids the same age and one you only have to explain things to and show them real world examples and then you never have to worry or punish because she's got such a good head on her shoulders you trust her implicitly . . . and then there's her sister who, no matter how many times you tell her WHY something is wrong from various viewpoints and beg her not to hurt herself because she has so much to offer the world and then watch her repeatedly hurt herself, because let's face it she tells you unashamedly (because you've worked hard on keeping the communication lines open, "Mom, I know it's wrong but I just want to do it because all my friends are doing it and it's fun." It's heartbreaking!


    How do two girls raised the same way turn out so differently? (The second one was the one who begged to be spanked rather than lectured?)

  4. #124
    Member ElusiveRain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post
    First of all you have not offended me at all, but let me ask you this, did your mom seem enraged and out of control? Did the spankings seem random or to outweigh the infraction?


    As a mom of teenagers, I have another question to ask . . . what do you do with a kid with whom you have not only explained the consequences and moral obligation, but you have provided them with examples of other people getting hurt and watched them hurt themselves repeatedly? You've told them their positive points and bent over backwards to give them plenty of natural consequences and encouraged/rewarded them when ever they did the "right" thing only to have them knowingly and consistently choose the painful/dangerous option?

    It is a very hard thing as a mom to have two kids the same age and one you only have to explain things to and show them real world examples and then you never have to worry or punish because she's got such a good head on her shoulders you trust her implicitly . . . and then there's her sister who, no matter how many times you tell her WHY something is wrong from various viewpoints and beg her not to hurt herself because she has so much to offer the world and then watch her repeatedly hurt herself, because let's face it she tells you unashamedly (because you've worked hard on keeping the communication lines open, "Mom, I know it's wrong but I just want to do it because all my friends are doing it and it's fun." It's heartbreaking!


    How do two girls raised the same way turn out so differently? (The second one was the one who begged to be spanked rather than lectured?)
    Thank you, Windigo, for being kind in your questioning . My mother was never out of control. Our then-church taught the proper way to spank, and my mother would merely hold up a '5' with her hands, and we knew when we got home we would be spanked. It was always exactly the number she said it would be, and she would always explain why, exactly as our pastor said she should.

    I don't know a lot about teenagers, mine are preschool/school age. Kids can be so different, can't they? I have one who seems to be taking a 'straight-A' path, and the other who seems to have a bit more of a 'push-the-rules' mentality. When the second is acting up, I try to give what are natural consequences of his misbehavior. If you hit your brother, you can't play with him. If you don't ask nicely, you can't have that. If you throw something, I will take it from you. Part of it might just be that he is only 3, because the older one used to act out too.

    Now, the older one almost needs no negative discipline (time-outs to think), because his conscience pulls at him, in my opinion, almost too much. He is always worried that he might do the wrong thing. Teachers always praise him and how well he behaves. He got a student-of-the-week award (a school-wide award) this year. I keep giving them both whatever it is they need (love, attention). If they are acting up, I assume I'm not giving them enough of one or the other, and I drop what I'm doing to spend some time.

    That's tough with teenagers (so I've heard...I'm reading others' posts for clues on what I might do when mine are older ). And I really shouldn't give advice on teens because I have no experience to back it up. Amazing that they can be so different, so it's obviously not only nurturing that makes a person who they are. I think, from what I've learned from others so far, I'll continue how I'm going about things into teenage years. And with them doing dangerous things...Wow. I'm not looking forward to that (it scares me). What advice can you give so far?

    I've even asked my older son how I can be a better mom...His response was that I could play with them more. It's really clear when it comes straight from them what it is I need to do.

    EDIT: I just noticed that about your daughter who asked to be spanked. My thought is that she didn't want to think about it? And I'm not sure how to make someone think...Maybe show them real-life examples of the consequences of their actions? (i.e. accident victims, pregnant teens)? This last part here is all guessing...

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