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  1. #51
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Irrelevant post from irrelevant mind:

    Does 3 simple words have meaning? Only as much as you assign them.

    You don't need to think to say them. To think = fail. Think of it that way. Silly thinkers with their thinking ways.

    Entropie can be spontaneous no? Say it when you're giggling (or whatever "manly" forms of german giggling). There is no reason to take the words super deep as to encompass "everything". See if "I love you" represents everything, then nobody will ever say it. Actually, the thought of "I love you is everything" is kind of silly to me. I love yous don't do anything...

    It's not about committing, or just doing... it's about too much inhibitions. Quit worrying about everything and be in the moment. Are you having fun with her? Do you love what you are sharing together? Love her at the moment? That is good enough.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  2. #52
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    To go off on a tangent for a moment: actually I think it's wrong to say "to think about saying I love you = fail", cause I dont believe that every source of a bond between two human beings on the world can be ultimately found in an emotional bond.

    I feel in love with my girl to a great extent because she has a marvellous ability to fascinate me with her insights into the human soul. I am not easily fascinated by people and I admit that's most of the times because I block their thoughts from the start. But what's really important is that she can make my mind glow with the eyes of a child and make me recognize patterns and possibilities I couldnt find on my own.

    So the way to my heart in that case basically went over the very rational and well-thought thru implication that I can imagine to get old with that woman cause she makes me whole.

    I just wanted to point that out, cause sometimes when people say "you dont have to think about if you are in love", I can take that as an affront, cause it can be translated again to that you for example can fuck your way thru life with many persons, cause you just go where your heart takes you, without concerning with the greater implications.

    So due to these two things, 1st "I like my girl cause she amazes my thoughts" and 2nd "I want to make a rational commitment to her, because that way I can love her at all" I just wanted to pouint that out.

    Thanks for the others things you said, I agree. I have learnt to let go more easily in the time I spent with her and it feels good. I am even doing crazy things in front of her, I otherwise only do in the shower. Heck I even trained her in farting . I mean, I think we're on a good way
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #53
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    trained her in farting? *shakes head*

    The desire to say "I love you" does not directly arise from thinking. That is not the same as "you don't have to think when you're in love". To think "hmmm I think I do love her" and then tell her "I love you" is a disconnection.

    I'm saying this as an INFJ... You should feel the love spontaneously. There's a big gap if you need to think about it to decide whether your feelings/emotions are correct.

    About your comment about "falling in and out of love as quickly as changing clothes." Do those people seriously feel they are in love? Deep down? I doubt it.

    The emotions that come from being in love does not equate to doing whatever you want in the name of love. I'm not saying you should not think about love (action), I'm saying love (feeling), as the product sum of your emotions while you're with your partner, simply exists. Clearly you should be responsible as to how you act our your "love".
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  4. #54
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I think it's a definition thing in the end.

    You can be very drawn to a person but thats not love. Love is a thing that evolves over much time, its when you have build a foundation with someone and errected your own palace over it. Love is the most rational decision there is to make for me.

    Many people do make look rationality like it is free of emotions, but and that's one of the most fundamental insights to me, there is noone who is free of emotions, therefore every rational decision will be always influenced by it, in some way, may it be to some event that happened years ago in ones childhood, but it will influence your rationality.

    What I mean by making a rational decision if you love someone, involves for example to a great deal your own security. One would for example never let oneself become involved so deeply with a person, if he knows the person is most likely to hurt him real bad from the start. It can happen nevertheless of course, but one would feel then that it is wrong for him or her cause her or his rationality can tell him that this guy or girl will go fuck around and hurt your feelings.

    I have witnessed and a bit its readable from your post too night that despite infjs may be emotionally kicked around beings, they are the ones whose Ti or Te shines the most brightly when it comes to makin the rational decision, if they will love someone or not.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #55
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Funny how everything ends up being a definition thing.

    You're right. Let not emotions unduly override sensibility is my take on the subject.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  6. #56
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    If you do love her, get over it and say it at a time when you mean it, even if it sounds awkward to you. It's like "thank you" - some people weren't trained to say it as a kid so it feels wrong at first but it's still an essential thing to say and you will suffer without it. Your girlfriend is very patient to stay with someone for that long without any affirmation. It is pretty selfish to refuse to tell your gf that you love her (when you do) just because you have some hangup on those particular words. If it is just a habit thing, start by making a conscious effort to say it every time you part company. It's not as big a deal as you seem to think. It seems like you're trying to rationalize it when there is no reason to.

    If you don't love her (you seem confused) wtf are you still doing with her after 5 years? That just seems cruel...
    -end of thread-

  7. #57
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Text messaging I have started this recently. Anytime that feeling arises I just text her those 3 words, sometimes just "love u". I am used to saying it automatically so its a change from my norm. I dont do it everytime yet, but working on it.
    Don't miss this. I think it's brilliant.

  8. #58
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    I haven't yet ever uttered those words of deep affection to a spouse.

  9. #59
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Saying "I love you" becomes less and less awkward the more you do it. Even ENTPs get into some habits.
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  10. #60
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ragingkatsuki View Post
    I haven't yet ever uttered those words of deep affection to a spouse.
    At least someone, who is normal here
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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