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  1. #41
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    So I guess what I don't get is that if you do love someone, how is it more honest and true and genuine to withhold that truth than it is say that truth?

    If you don't love someone, by all means, don't tell them that you do.

    If you do love them why would you imply with silence that you do not in order to be more truthful? That just doesn't make any rational sense.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #42
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I think I need to clarify myself a bit. I was mkinda drunk yesterday when making the post and I think the message I wanted to convey wasnt perceived the right way.

    I didnt mean I have problems with saying "I love you", I just forget to say it. It's like I always use the word "maybe" and never the word "perhaps". I of course show my girl my affection, but I do much and to not let it become to private, over bodily affection. We are very close to each other in the physical realm all day long and over her bodily affection towards me, I am satisfied for myself regarding the question, if she loves me or not.

    I do tell her by words aswell that I miss her. I say "miss you", "wish you were here", "hab dich lieb" what could be loosely translated with "I like you", ya and if you read that one does probably understand why she wants me to say "I love you" more often. It's just I forget it, this phrase is not part of my usual collection of words. Even when she says it I walk over it in a conversation cause saying I love you I dont perceive as a method to express his feelings. I am more physical than verbal in that department.

    The whole topic here is as of now of course a thing that belongs to the past. Talking about it here to such a great extent will not let me forget what to say again + the fact my girlfriend told me 2 times with serious words she misses that and I am not used to her talking serious with me .

    Therefore I will say it now in the future and integrate it in my collection of words.

    I was just curious if anyone got a similiar issue or if I am just a freaking alien. I mean there are even songs that sing "I love you is the hardest thing to say" and I dont know if this metaphor always stands for the fact that people who cant say it have commitment issues. I am prolly hunting birds here at a place where are none :/
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #43
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Drunk Ent FTW.

  4. #44
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    I'm much more interested n if she tells you she loves you and how you feel about that...

    and how you feel if she didn't

  5. #45
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I wrote about that above
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #46
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I was just curious if anyone got a similiar issue or if I am just a freaking alien. I mean there are even songs that sing "I love you is the hardest thing to say" and I dont know if this metaphor always stands for the fact that people who cant say it have commitment issues. I am prolly hunting birds here at a place where are none :/
    I don't think you're an alien.

    For some people, and you perhaps are included here, saying it out loud is frightening. Maybe you are afraid that by saying it what you have today could be changed or lost or ruined or not live up to what you feel at this moment. Or if you say it, the next thing you'll have to do is propose. Or if you say it, maybe she will change her mind and you'll be lost. It's not necessarily a way to AVOID committment, but perhaps to try to capture a bit of control in a situation where you feel a little out of control. Because you do care about her that much.

    Those words and what they mean get to stay mysterious when they are unspoken and you get to stay a little freer, a little less committed, and more in control - at least in your own mind.

    When I posted that song earlier in thread, what I wanted you to take from that was to find the ways to say I Love You that work for you. Sing it in a song to her if that is less pressure-filled and scary. Or write it in a love poem. Or tuck a little note under her pillow once in a while. With practice it will feel more natural in your vocabulary and your confidence will grow.

    If you really want to say it, you will.

  7. #47
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Thanks

    This so true with music one can say many things far more easily
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #48
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I wrote about that above
    hmm actually you don't, but not to worry, it's no biggie.

    I only have trouble saying it at the beginings of a realtionship myself... and sometimes that doens't work out. I guess I may use the phrase in the opposite too, as a means of sheilding myself or something, once it's on the table I may over use it.

    The bottom line is, so long as you know you love her and she feels loved and cherished by you and vice versa, then you are all set.

    My folks were not the cuddly type (in part because they were a lot older than me), they last 49 years of marrage, seperated only by death... so the mordern take on smother and yucky stuff is not nessesary.

    Main thing though eNt-Pie... is not to let this cloud your relationship... stuff like this can become a seesaw and get blown out of proportion.... Your girl says she wants you to say it more, if you can't verbalise it, send her a text or email... change your behaviour to try and accomidate her needs etc, if you can.....

    You seem to have a very nice relationship, she makes you happy and I'm sure you do to her too... enjoy

  9. #49
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    Sounds bad...phone your girlfriend and tell her, right now.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #50
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    hmm actually you don't, but not to worry, it's no biggie.

    I only have trouble saying it at the beginings of a realtionship myself... and sometimes that doens't work out. I guess I may use the phrase in the opposite too, as a means of sheilding myself or something, once it's on the table I may over use it.

    The bottom line is, so long as you know you love her and she feels loved and cherished by you and vice versa, then you are all set.

    My folks were not the cuddly type (in part because they were a lot older than me), they last 49 years of marrage, seperated only by death... so the mordern take on smother and yucky stuff is not nessesary.

    Main thing though eNt-Pie... is not to let this cloud your relationship... stuff like this can become a seesaw and get blown out of proportion.... Your girl says she wants you to say it more, if you can't verbalise it, send her a text or email... change your behaviour to try and accomidate her needs etc, if you can.....

    You seem to have a very nice relationship, she makes you happy and I'm sure you do to her too... enjoy


    Thanks, that is a very level-headed advice. I have changed a lot in the past last 4 years and my girlfriend has talked about both our changes many times and that she is surprised how fast it went with me. I come from a family too where wasnt much cuddling and emotions were not talked about often, very likely things like that play a huge role in the development of yourself then.

    But as I said, I changed very fast in 4 years and a simple 3 words wont stop me
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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