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  1. #31
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    I don't think this is unusual. A close INFJ friend who is married to an ENTP has the same complaint of her husband. I understand the wanting to say it honestly, when you really feel it. I also relate to the ENP - you CAN't make me do anything. I'll do it on my own time.

    I think people are responding to how much you've shared about this lovely INFJ in your life and how happy you are with her. It smells, looks and sounds like love from over here, you know? You've also mentioned that you DO love her.

    I think, sometimes, it's about what we think we're saying when we say I love you. It isn't, I imagine, the equivalent of selling your soul... It doesn't mean that we're giving up our individuality or that we don't in some way, as you said, die alone. All humans do that, don't they, regardless of whether they're single or not? It doesn't mean that we won't ever hurt the people we say it to or find patches of trouble in our relationships with them. We may even wake up one day to find that we don't love them anymore. Any of this could happen. It's life and we are human. I think of I love you the way Jennifer described it so well, partly a term of affection and partly a promise to care for the person as they deserve. The former implies just expressing aloud what you feel today and the latter that were you to wake up one day and find yourself really mad at them or not quite in love any more, you'd honor the person by staying and making it work and trying to rediscover all the little things about them that drove you to say the words when you did....that's the best we can do.

    It is however, a part of making yourself vulnerable to the person which can be hard for ENTPS so concerned with losing control.

    Finally, only you know why you can't say these words. Try and understand why exactly, for yourself. Think of what made you say those words before? How does your current relationship compare with the ones before where you said it? Sometimes the more invested we are, the more difficult it is to express it. Good luck!

  2. #32
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    ...so concerned with losing control.
    I have many times in my life thought that I'ld be a good man and a good husband to someone, the time I was single; because I knew myself and part of that I knew whom I would be like to someone, cause in moments when nobody was around and I had my music; I'ld become a ultimatily nice and loveable person on an online forum.

    But then again in real life, the effect I had the other night on the forum was gone.

    I dont know, if I'll be ever able to just let go of control and feel what I want to feel. And I am pretty sure my girlfriend wouldnt like that also.

    But and I thank you for your lovely and anticipated response, I'll comment it with how I feel right now:

    lhfouWEfuhWEfhwefolweufbhwrugwrigpiwreghprepgierpi geptighjreR
    GHPIJETHPIJREGHJTEHPTRJHPITJEHPITEHPITH

    that's better

    Tho I'll never be able to win my girlfriend for foruming, cause she thinks its impersonal and she cant deal with talking to people that way, I do post a song she send me one day, to at least reflect her opinion a bit about the matter:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ-0nUMHlzk"].[/YOUTUBE]

    Thank you all for your help.

    I've missed you !!
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #33
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    As a NT to an NT .

    When your intuition tells you that it is a really good moment to say it just say it even if you are not fully honest.
    (btw try to look convincing)



    Just a thought.

  4. #34
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Since you start assuming I got commitment issues and the conversation is takin a very plain dumb path, I am gonna intercept with a new theory.

    Maybe, it's in the end who I am. Someone who does love his girl and someone who wants to be loved, but someone aswell who wants to be taken to a new dimension every moment in his relationship. Someone who cant express that he loves someone.

    You do have the permission to think that I am just trieing to find excuses, I just think the world isnt that easy that everyone who is in a relationship is 100% committed. And in the face of that, I think my ways are on of the most honest there are, cause it wasnt everytime all nice and shiny in the relationship with me and my girl. We had big arguements and the waves between us abraded many many times.

    But every time her temperament and my temperament went to war, I went into deep depression, as in I went back home.

    Cause I really love the idea of dieing alone.
    I actually think that's fine... as long as you're willing carry the cost for that self-assessment. (Which pretty much ensures you are going to get what you want and die alone.)

    I'm really big on people being true to themselves, but also carrying the responsibility for what that means without dragging someone else along for the ride ... as much as possible, anyways... and letting the other people do what is best for them in turn.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #35
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    bite the bullet and stop being proud, allow yourself to own your own emotion.

    It's interesting to see how people take owner ship for themselves... maybe start with "love you" rather than I, which I beleive is more....

    I worry I use the phrase in a hide behind way.

    Awe, it sounds like you had a nice holiday

  6. #36
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    (Which pretty much ensures you are going to get what you want and die alone.).
    LOL

  7. #37
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Exactly, on and off I feel like I was harsh in this thread (so NF) but it is true, in the long run too many people regret withholding things from their SO that they could easily give them. Don't be one of those people.

    If you had said you weren't sure that's one thing. To be so straight forward about how you feel about her with a bunch of strangers but not be willing to say it out loud to her just sounds like something you need to get over.

  8. #38
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    LOL
    Just to clarify, that wasn't meant to be mean or cruel or manipulative.

    He said he wanted to die alone.
    And if people do not get what they want in the relationship, they'll leave.
    The girlfriend will take off if he's not giving her what she needs.

    He seems to know full well what he wants and what he's doing and where it will go, so... he's doing what he wants to do, the natural progression leads there, and it's just something to be acknowledged so there are no surprises later.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #39
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    LOL don't worry I know it wasn't meant unkindly... don't worry

  10. #40
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
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    just weigh the pros and the cons. what are you getting out of saying it and what are you getting out of not saying it...then proceed accordingly.


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