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  1. #11
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yeah...if she's INFJ never hearing it is going to be (actually is) a big problem. She may even want to hear it more than once in the time you guys end up together, especially if you're planning for that to be quite awhile...

    I can see you feeling awkward if you've never done that. However, there must be even more of a payoff for you not saying that outweighs the obvious benefits of saying it. Are you worried that if you do, it means that you are just bending to do what she wants you to? That it means the end of your freedom, somehow or something? Is it that your family just never said that kind of thing so it feels wrong to do it even if you want to?

    I think that once you figure out what it is that you're getting out of not saying it, then it will be easier to find a way to say it if you really want to.

  2. #12
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Teach yourself to say it. For real and mean it. You have no excuse for denying her when you obviously do. She wants to hear it, you feel it. There is no benefit to not saying it.

    Get over your pride and learn to grow.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I pride myself in being honest everytime I said it. And that's easy to say, because I never said it.

    Now I am in love for nearly five years and I am in love, ouh yeah I just had the most beautiful three weeks of my life ( and that after five years ).

    But I still dont say it. And nowadays its more like, I am forgetting to say it. Not that I would ever bother, cause I know what I want, but she of course does bother. And I am pretty fucked now cause she caught me two times in five years not saying I love you ever and now I am too pride to even say it at all. Cause it would look like she trained me to say it and she wouldnt like that also.

    So I know need to wait for the perfect moment and then shoot, but when that moment comes, I dont have to forget that I need to say it !!

    Do you understand my dilemma ?

    Does someone has similiar issues with his guinea pig ?
    Text messaging I have started this recently. Anytime that feeling arises I just text her those 3 words, sometimes just "love u". I am used to saying it automatically so its a change from my norm. I dont do it everytime yet, but working on it.
    Im out, its been fun

  4. #14
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    But how do you feel about saying I love you? Is it just your pride? If there is not as much meaning behind you saying 'I love you', at least not on the same level as for other people, then why say something with less meaning?
    I dread it, everytime I say it it sounds like someone hit me in the back to do it.

    It's like cursed words.

    And I admit I dont believe in absolutes that plays a crucial role in me not being able to deal in absolutes. But I love that girl and I want to grow old with her, tho my dirty mind doesnt stop to live in other worlds aswell.

    You see that is a discrepancy I could never talk about with anyone for sure that maybe in terms of mbti a discrepancy of myself in general.

    I can imagine to live many other lifes than my own, I can imagine being a fierce playboy who humps every living leg on the planet, I can imagine to be a con man, who cares for the wifes when the husbands are gone, I can imagine to be a regular visitor in my favourite red light district to care for my needs, while being a loner for all of my life.

    I am dangerous in many ways and I knew that very early in my life. Because of that I decided for myself to be a loner for the rest of my life, I mostly appreciated the path of the regular red light district visitor.

    My girlfriend changed that. You know those INFJ brotherhood, they have that knack you'll never have. She showed me in a way to love myself, to not to be overly critic with myself, to (and thats an important thing) develop the parts of me I can like !

    And thats the bottom line, as a perceiver and as a maniac you may have the ability to leave an open end to everything but to have the opportunity to develop the traits in you that always influenced your judgement that are you're judgement to the greatest extent that is an unique opportunity.

    I did get your wink antimony, maybe the next step in my development is being able to say "I love you"
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #15
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    My girlfriend and me found out in this regards that there maybe a difference between self-assurance and self-conciensce with the premisse that someone who may be good with the one, may lack the other
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #16
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    When I was young I had a very typical "thinking" approach to it.

    I never wanted to say it unless I very much meant it and then and only then, regardless of how the other person felt or whether they had said it a lot to me.

    I don't know. I have changed a lot since those days. I still would feel uncomfortable saying it unless I meant, I don't lie. If I tell you I love you, it means exactly that. It's a Big Serious Deal.

    But note that sometimes I also say it even if I don't 'feel' it per se, if my intention is to love you and be committed to you. Because to me, now, that is a lot of what "I love you means" -- that I am committed to loving you and doing what is best for you, etc. It doesn't mean I have to feel it all the time, it just means the will to love has to be there.

    I guess I would say, though, that I would have an awful time being in a committed relationship for years and only hearing the guy tell me that twice. I mean, it's crazy, you know -- especially if I love him and have told him? If he can't even say the words after that long...?

    If you love me enough to show me love, then you can say it too; and if you can't say it after all that time, you either don't actually love me and are just using me in some way, or you have real big issues being in a loving relationship ... and I would just want out. That is how I would feel.

    PS. You can also say cool things like "I adore you" and "You are the most beautiful woman on the entire planet and I am crazy about you," if you mean it. Honestly. I doubt she will complain.

    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I dread it, everytime I say it it sounds like someone hit me in the back to do it. It's like cursed words.

    And I admit I dont believe in absolutes that plays a crucial role in me not being able to deal in absolutes. But I love that girl and I want to grow old with her, tho my dirty mind doesnt stop to live in other worlds aswell.

    You see that is a discrepancy I could never talk about with anyone for sure that maybe in terms of mbti a discrepancy of myself in general.
    I don't think it is uncommon for guys to have trouble with commitment. I think commitment and interweaving of lives and being up front about it is easier for females in general. Some types are more independent / hate being tied down more than others.

    But it might be more effective to view this as about you, not a type.

    I can imagine to live many other lifes than my own, I can imagine being a fierce playboy who humps every living leg on the planet, I can imagine to be a con man, who cares for the wifes when the husbands are gone, I can imagine to be a regular visitor in my favourite red light district to care for my needs, while being a loner for all of my life.
    You can still imagine many things, while loving someone and being committed to them. There are also things you learn and experience when you are committed to someone that change you so that you want to be committed to them; you savor the taste, if it's really a loving relationship.

    Right now it sounds like you know you have a good thing, some sort of fancy steak or seafood... but you're scared to lose your craving/opportunity for McDonald's hamburgers if you agree to commit to her cuisine. Isn't that a little funny? Go for the steak!

    I am dangerous in many ways and I knew that very early in my life. Because of that I decided for myself to be a loner for the rest of my life, I mostly appreciated the path of the regular red light district visitor.

    My girlfriend changed that. You know those INFJ brotherhood, they have that knack you'll never have. She showed me in a way to love myself, to not to be overly critic with myself, to (and thats an important thing) develop the parts of me I can like !

    And thats the bottom line, as a perceiver and as a maniac you may have the ability to leave an open end to everything but to have the opportunity to develop the traits in you that always influenced your judgement that are you're judgement to the greatest extent that is an unique opportunity.
    Then go for it, dude.

    INFJs stick around a long time... but not forever.
    If she was gone, fed up over not hearing words of love and commitment from you because you were still committed to your fantasies and floating, would you be happy with what you had then? Is that truly what is most important to you?

    Which do you want more?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #17
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I liked the first part of your post that showed from a thinking point of view one does mean serious business when he says it and because I know that, I think my girlfriend does love me.

    It's one in a million to meet a girl, who sees one (not a particular just someone) person in you, you can become and put all her money on you to see how it plays out. But to say and my girl would understand, one who cant say "I love you" is someone who hasnt decided for himself yet, if he wants the total war, I think is a stereotype and doesnt help from a psychological PoV.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #18
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Teach yourself to say it. For real and mean it. You have no excuse for denying her when you obviously do. She wants to hear it, you feel it. There is no benefit to not saying it.

    Get over your pride and learn to grow.
    This. I couldn't say it for a long time either. I got over that. I say it to the people I love, I say it daily and I show it. Because I mean it with every bit that I am.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Having commitment issues? Why don't you just try to say it sometimes, see how she reacts and how you feel with it.
    (removed)

  10. #20
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Since you start assuming I got commitment issues and the conversation is takin a very plain dumb path, I am gonna intercept with a new theory.

    Maybe, it's in the end who I am. Someone who does love his girl and someone who wants to be loved, but someone aswell who wants to be taken to a new dimension every moment in his relationship. Someone who cant express that he loves someone.

    You do have the permission to think that I am just trieing to find excuses, I just think the world isnt that easy that everyone who is in a relationship is 100% committed. And in the face of that, I think my ways are on of the most honest there are, cause it wasnt everytime all nice and shiny in the relationship with me and my girl. We had big arguements and the waves between us abraded many many times.

    But every time her temperament and my temperament went to war, I went into deep depression, as in I went back home.

    Cause I really love the idea of dieing alone.

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sty1xhZX7MM"].[/YOUTUBE]

    I think the discussion is over for me, cause there is no master amongst you to meet my thoughts so far. That doesnt mean I am hyper wise, just strange and very weird.

    I tho thank you for your help and if I could accomplish anything with this thread, I hope it was another dimension for you aswell.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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