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Thread: Regret

  1. #21
    Senior Member sonata's Avatar
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    I regret having too much pride to tell someone how I felt about something.
    And then I regret dwelling on this to the point where I let so many other things pass me by.

  2. #22
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    But I do something similar to what nolla described. I can't say that the regrets are eliminated but I can value the lessons I've learned from making mistakes even if I they still do linger with me from time to time. I still keep on learning from them. And they've definitely made me the person I am right now.
    Now that you put it that way, I must make a small correction to what I was saying. It doesn't completely go away, I still remember from time to time the things I've done wrong and there is a certain "I wish it never happened" feeling but nothing I would call regret. To me regret means something quite painful. Besides, when I remember something like this, it disappears from my mind quickly, quite unlike regret.

    Quote Originally Posted by ENTJ Extraordinaire View Post
    Firstly Nolla, ENTJ Extraordinaire is male, believe it or not. I know the avatar says otherwise :P
    Ah, sorry for that

    Quote Originally Posted by ENTJ Extraordinaire View Post
    This whole thread was started with the hopes of moving through my own regrets and carrying on. So yes, you are right, I guess the best way to deal with regret it so analyse it, scrutinise it, and learn from it, so you can move forward that much stronger. Thats the plan anyway! GROUP HUG!
    Yes, that is the way, but one thing... it sounds to me like you have something huge going on, so don't expect immediate results. There might be things you don't know about yourself, and even after the analyzing the change in your behavior might come with a delay.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Hm. Also, i view regrets as things you would want to change if given the chance. I have something that comes close, but i wouldn't change it.
    I heavily mistreated a significant other when i was 15-18. I couldn't embrace my feelings for him or completely trust his feelings for me so it caused a chain reaction of cheating and manipulation on both ends (but worse on mine). It hurt him immensely and maybe even caused permanent damage to his views of relationships and love.
    For myself, i wouldn't change it even if i loved him and still do. For him, i wish it had gone differently.
    Yeah, I have something like this too. When I was twelve or something I basically broke someone's self-confidence in a dramatical way. It was somewhat deserved and I wouldn't know how to play it differently, but as I see the person's behaviour now that could partly be the result of my actions, I can't help wondering. Still it's not really regret.

  3. #23
    Senior Member ENTJ Extraordinaire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I tend to not regret anything. I simply recognize that if things didn't transpire however they did then i wouldn't have my current life. Of course it could be better, but even at a low point i'm not going to wish i did something differently that would potentially affect the entire course of my existence.

    Hm. Also, i view regrets as things you would want to change if given the chance. I have something that comes close, but i wouldn't change it.
    I heavily mistreated a significant other when i was 15-18. I couldn't embrace my feelings for him or completely trust his feelings for me so it caused a chain reaction of cheating and manipulation on both ends (but worse on mine). It hurt him immensely and maybe even caused permanent damage to his views of relationships and love.
    For myself, i wouldn't change it even if i loved him and still do. For him, i wish it had gone differently.
    Relationships are never easy, and are apparently one of the biggest things people tend to regret so far in this thread. I think you shouldn't think about it as "caused permanent damage" and look at it more like, "dramatically altered the life of" because regardless of whether or not they are happy, you can't change the damage, and they will need to work through it, like you will have to, in order to become better people.

    This may sound stupid but are you still in contact with him? Perhaps the two of you should attempt to put some water under the bridge if its possible, it may help you to forgive yourself, and him to move through it.
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  4. #24
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENTJ Extraordinaire View Post
    Relationships are never easy, and are apparently one of the biggest things people tend to regret so far in this thread. I think you shouldn't think about it as "caused permanent damage" and look at it more like, "dramatically altered the life of" because regardless of whether or not they are happy, you can't change the damage, and they will need to work through it, like you will have to, in order to become better people.

    This may sound stupid but are you still in contact with him? Perhaps the two of you should attempt to put some water under the bridge if its possible, it may help you to forgive yourself, and him to move through it.
    I'm definitely aware of that, but it's difficult since he's not just some person that got torn down in my path who didn't matter to me. I've felt bad about it on/off for a good deal of time as i did care about him, yet neglected that fact.
    I suppose it's because i let myself down back then, in a way. Hm

    Heh not stupid at all. We haven't spoken in over a year. We both tended to different relationships, despite still apparent feelings so it just faded into the background. I tried to contact him a few months ago to no avail.
    I apologized in the past, but would like to do so again now as i understand the situation better. I just don't think i'll be able to get through to him and his heavy coke habit to do so. It's a shame, but he has been the only person who could have chosen his path.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


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  5. #25
    Senior Member ENTJ Extraordinaire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I'm definitely aware of that, but it's difficult since he's not just some person that got torn down in my path who didn't matter to me. I've felt bad about it on/off for a good deal of time as i did care about him, yet neglected that fact.
    I suppose it's because i let myself down back then, in a way. Hm

    Heh not stupid at all. We haven't spoken in over a year. We both tended to different relationships, despite still apparent feelings so it just faded into the background. I tried to contact him a few months ago to no avail.
    I apologized in the past, but would like to do so again now as i understand the situation better. I just don't think i'll be able to get through to him and his heavy coke habit to do so. It's a shame, but he has been the only person who could have chosen his path.
    Indeed he is the only person to chose his path, but you also need to consider your own path. Can you get through this without talking to him? either way, I think its imperative to your health and general wellbeing that you get over this and move on with your life. Life is far to short to dwell on things. I suggest listening to "Driving Song" by Spinnerette. lol. And let that set you a guide to the way you don't want to go.
    Actualized type: ENTJ
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    ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

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  6. #26
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENTJ Extraordinaire View Post
    Indeed he is the only person to chose his path, but you also need to consider your own path. Can you get through this without talking to him? either way, I think its imperative to your health and general wellbeing that you get over this and move on with your life. Life is far to short to dwell on things. I suggest listening to "Driving Song" by Spinnerette. lol. And let that set you a guide to the way you don't want to go.
    Side note: I've meant to listen to Spinnerette. Thank you for reminding me unintentionally

    The only problem i have with talking to him is that it relies on him being responsive. I do feel i need to in order to progress off of that subject, but i can't track him down to do so and can only do so much as to throw a line out every now and then.
    It's sad. He's 27 and should be mature enough to respond, but people will be how they'll be.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  7. #27
    Senior Member ENTJ Extraordinaire's Avatar
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    Oh of course Unkindloving, I didn't intend to minimize your efforts, I am sure you are doing everything reasonable to do address the situation, It was just the best suggestion that I could come up with.

    There are many people in my life that I wish would start acting their age and just speak to me, my biological mother for one, I haven't spoken to her for quite some time, and we didn't really even fight. We just gave up.

    My ex is another person I wish would speak, but she just needs time I believe, and it has only been a few weeks, though a man can wish that we can still communicate after this, because I don't want to lose her as a friend, and I don't know if I can get over her, without her help.

    So yes, I do understand the frustration of ridiculous people who should act their age, but simply won't!
    Actualized type: ENTJ
    Extroverted (E) 64.71% Introverted (I) 35.29%
    Intuitive (N) 56.1% Sensing (S) 43.9%
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    Judging (J) 65% Perceiving (P) 35%

    ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

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  8. #28
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENTJ Extraordinaire View Post
    Oh of course Unkindloving, I didn't intend to minimize your efforts, I am sure you are doing everything reasonable to do address the situation, It was just the best suggestion that I could come up with.

    There are many people in my life that I wish would start acting their age and just speak to me, my biological mother for one, I haven't spoken to her for quite some time, and we didn't really even fight. We just gave up.

    My ex is another person I wish would speak, but she just needs time I believe, and it has only been a few weeks, though a man can wish that we can still communicate after this, because I don't want to lose her as a friend, and I don't know if I can get over her, without her help.

    So yes, I do understand the frustration of ridiculous people who should act their age, but simply won't!
    Not minimized. I am just somewhat frustrated with him for that. It is a good suggestion and if he were acting like an adult it would go smoothly .
    Hopefully she does give you that sooner than not.
    I've basically been waiting three years for some real closure and only finding my own maturity ha. It happens, but it's good to not let it weigh you down.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  9. #29
    Senior Member ENTJ Extraordinaire's Avatar
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    haha, yes, i can't say that i am impervious to the effects of emotional manipulation, i probably suffer from it the worst. I have managed to convince my mind that i am going to be okay and that its pointless brooding on it, but its not my mind that needs convincing, its hard to convince my heart, without her justifying why its happened, especially when we both still agree we are in love, and that we could fix our relationship, she just isn't willing for a reason she won't fully divulge. I think i need her to divulge fully before i can move on. And she can't divulge until she has had sometime to just adjust. Which by that time, i have no doubt it will be too late to reconcile, but at least i will be able to move on. In the mean time, SELF IMPROVEMENT!
    Actualized type: ENTJ
    Extroverted (E) 64.71% Introverted (I) 35.29%
    Intuitive (N) 56.1% Sensing (S) 43.9%
    Thinking (T) 68.42% Feeling (F) 31.58%
    Judging (J) 65% Perceiving (P) 35%

    ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

    http://hubpages.com/profile/Joshywa1

  10. #30
    Pumpernickel
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    I don't know, I don't allow myself to wallow in it so i just shove it away when it pops us.

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