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Thread: Fe is...

  1. #31
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    My perspective of Fe basically boils down to feelings of connectedness with others.
    • Warmth, congeniality, openness of expression
    • Knowing when to say what youíre thinking and feeling and knowing when not to say exactly what youíre thinking and feeling
    • Having someone on your mind
    • Seriously wondering why we all just canít get along
    • Thereís strength in numbers
    • Atmospheric; feeling the energy of the crowd


    Not feeling youíre so unique and different that youíre incapable of being comforted and solaced by another, being ok with blending in, finding freedom of anonymity, fading into the background, faceless and nameless, being one of billions. I often wonder whatís wrong with being averageÖnot settling for mediocrity, complacence, or herd mentality, but just accepting that youíre 99.9% similar to the person next to you. Looking for a common denominator. For me that blunts a lot of inner turmoil because I know I donít feel anything that no one else has never experienced so then itís just a matter of finding those people. There can be the dissatisfaction of not finding what youíre looking for, but you donít doubt that it exists. It doesnít mean that personal circumstances donít have their own unique spin, but generally I donít carry the burden of feeling like no one understands, no one can understand me, or that Iím constantly misunderstood.

    I feel like my understanding of myself comes through my understanding of others. Theyíre a mirror for me to see myself in. Since I believe that my perception of myself fundamentally distorted (the whole through a glass darkly dilemmaÖthrough selfish interests and self-blindness) I use how I react to people, situations, events, thoughts, and indicators of who I am. Iíve recently come to believe that I donít know Iíll react to something until Iím in it because what I think Iíd do and what Iíve done have diverged greatly.

    I know that many Fes may not feel this way: Iím very vigilant to emotional vampires and black holes without feeling the need to save them. Sadly I know that some people cannot be redeemed and I donít feel the need to expose myself to their toxins and yank them from the edge of destruction. I often feel like theyíre getting their just desserts...you never know what they've done in their past. Kudos and much respect to those who are willing to do that but I canít.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #32
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Reposting this from an earlier thread because it seemed to get a good response at the time:

    Extroverted Feeling, or Fe, used primarily by ESFJ and ENFJ as a dominant function, and by ISFJ and INFJ as a secondary, is a natural understanding of and ability to play off the emotions of others.

    It is similar to Te in that it is outwardly goal- and schedule-oriented, but it bases its strategy for completing these goals upon personal empathy/careful observance of local social and cultural standards (as opposed to Te's focus on impersonal/theoretical constructs) and is keenly aware of the emotional states/probable emotional strengths and weaknesses of others based on how they interact socially.

    Fe makes friends very easily and, if used for malicious purposes, can and will use the emotions of others to manipulate them into participating in its plans. For healthy Fe users, though, it's usually just a strong sense of open, heavily emotional support for friends and loved ones--ExFJs are great people to go to when you want to feel better about yourself.

    Fe differs from Fi because it changes with cultural surroundings. It gets its sense of morality from the social standards of its community (sense of community/fitting in is VERY important!), and so if an Fe user moves from one culture to another he may significantly change his standards in these areas in order to integrate into the new community/gain trust and emotional influence with others. (Fi, used by xxFP types, will rarely change its moral standards at all because they come from the inside.)

    So people with good Fe are typically VERY charismatic because they know how to phrase everything in just the right way to appeal to the emotional/cultural sentiments and values of their audiences. You won't catch an FJ using coarse language or anything that could potentially be construed as offensive in important, public image-related situations very often at all--this is the kind of mistake they almost never make, and one that many NTs would do well to learn from.

    And be careful of crossing the Fe doms, especially (ESFJ/ENFJ)--because some of them who don't have the restraint to behave otherwise will use the emotions of others to manipulate them into disliking you. Watch out.


    To help distinguish it from Fi:

    Fi says: I should draw my ethical principles from my own internal sense of what is ethical in a vacuum. Ethics would still exist as a fundamental property of the universe even if we were not here to think about them.

    Fe says: I should draw my ethical principles from what my community surroundings hold as important values. Ethics exist only as a means of fostering emotional connection between people so that they can work toward external goals together.

    The key is that to Fe, nothing is actually ethical until some external goal has been defined. If the goal is integrating into a given culture, then the methodology would clearly involve integration into that culture's moral and social norms. Fe's ethics change and adapt based on the emotional texture of its environment.

    Fi, on the other hand, sees ethics as private, personal and non-negotiable. It neither seeks nor requires any external validation, because it knows what is ethical and what is not, end of story.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  3. #33
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    For me, Fe is temperance. But it better not be very important, or Fe is blatantly ignored.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  4. #34
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Another possible answer to this thread title:

    ...Public Enemy #1 at INTP central.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  5. #35
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Another possible answer to this thread title:

    ...Public Enemy #1 at INTP central.

    There is too much Fe over there for this to be true. Try with INTJf instead.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Me, at a podium, with a baton, directing this choir:
    YouTube - Coke Coca Cola Original I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing

  7. #37
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    There is too much Fe over there for this to be true. Try with INTJf instead.
    Well the funny part is that they claim to be against all things Fe in theory (note the ridiculous number of "GRRR I AM AN INDIVIDUAL AND I HATE GROUPS!!!" posts), but in practice this ends up uniting them into an Fe-oriented group of professed Fe haters. It's really hilariously ironic.

    INTJs just don't even pay attention to Fe.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  8. #38
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Well the funny part is that they claim to be against all things Fe in theory (note the ridiculous number "GRRR I AM AN INDIVIDUAL AND I HATE GROUPS!!!" posts, but in practice this ends up uniting them into an Fe-oriented group of professed Fe haters. It's really hilariously ironic.

    INTJs just don't even pay attention to Fe.
    It's a viscious circle, I tell you.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  9. #39
    Gotta catch you all! Blackmail!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Well the funny part is that they claim to be against all things Fe in theory (note the ridiculous number of "GRRR I AM AN INDIVIDUAL AND I HATE GROUPS!!!" posts), but in practice this ends up uniting them into an Fe-oriented group of professed Fe haters. It's really hilariously ironic.

    INTJs just don't even pay attention to Fe.
    It's an inverted form of Brian's syndrom:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQqq3e03EBQ"]We're all individuals![/YOUTUBE]
    "A man who only drinks water has a secret to hide from his fellow-men" -Baudelaire

    7w8 SCUxI

  10. #40
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlahBlahNounBlah View Post
    Fe is not saying what I want to say in response to the implication in that cartoon, but saying the same thing less directly.
    But do you realize how often the others never actually understand the less directly implied content? Something to keep in mind if the message is actually of value to convey...

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    My Fe usage is different from an Fe dom or aux, but:

    - the ability to make everyone feel welcome in my presence
    - the ability to discount someone's argument without discounting their entire being or intellect
    - the ability to fight passionately for what others believe in, even if I don't believe in it myself (meaning: wanting the same rights and freedoms for everyone, not just myself)
    - the ability to be loyal and consistent because even though my feelings may change, my principles rarely do
    - the ability to be someone you can count on, no matter what I am going through
    - the ability to carry out justice, even if it would make me "feel bad"
    - the ability to understand another person's feelings without taking them on as my own
    - the ability to understand that it's the thought that counts
    The bolds seem to me where Fi and Fe end up with the same result even if with different functions at work. The italics are where I cant agree-the passionate fight one rings home as I have to believe in the mission. EDIT-Shit maybe my Fi is tainted with Te, now that I think about it. Oh well.

    When I tap into cheated Fe, it feels like wrapping the other person in fluffy, buttery warm fresh out of the oven rolls of love and caring. I wish I could keep it.

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