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Thread: Storytime!

  1. #1
    cast shadows Array metaphours's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Storytime!

    What do you think of my story? Thought I'd try and share it with everyone... it's on my tumblr, click on the linky link below to read it!

    distressing photographs of the city at night - blips in time

  2. #2
    The Duchess of Oddity Array Queen Kat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009


    Wow. I like it. It's deep. I wish I could write that detailed!

    I write as well. At the moment I'm writing a story too. The style is way less than yours. The story:

    It's 1993. An 19 year old girl, I called her Denise, meets an old nemesis at a snack bar. Denise can't control her emotions and beats her old nemesis up. That nemesis gets very severe injuries and almost dies (and has to live as a cyborg for the rest of her life). Denise gets arrested and her rich father gets her the best lawyer in the country. That lawyer wants to help Denise, but under one condition: if they win the case, Denise has to marry her lawyer. They win the case and Denise gets married to her lawyer. What follows are 16 hopeless years. Denise, who actually wants to go to medical school, has to get a what her husband calls "more female-friendly job" and becomes a coffee lady. She gets two children, a boy and a girl. The girl, Lili, always gets yelled at by her father because she's "fat, ugly and a disgrace for the family". The boy, Alex, gets totally ignored by his father and spends his days playing outside on his own. In October 2009 Denise's husband yells at Lili again, tells Alex that he hates him and hits Denise, for the so maniest time. Denise decides that this is enough and fakes her husband's suicide. She writes a suicide note in his handwriting and drowns him in the canal.
    The police suspects no one of killing Denise's husband and believes that he really did commit suicide, except for one extremely ignorant and socially awkward police officer, miss Kortekaas. Kortekaas starts to investigate the murder of Denise's husband and suspects the least likeable people of killing him (for example: Santa Claus and Voltaire). At her husband's funeral, Denise meets the mother of an old acquaintance, Niels, and finds out that he's been missing for 19 years. That night Denise gets a nightmare about Niels. It starts with the last thing she could remember of him and it ends with her being dead and going to hell. Denise wakes up all scared and goes downstairs to drink some liquor. Her butler Dorus, who claims to be sleepwalking, asks her what's wrong. They have a talk about that dream and Denise decides that she has to find Niels, so she finally would have done something good in her life.
    Denise has a good talk with Niels's mother (Susie). Susie tells Denise about her last weeks with her son, from the day that he got himself a job in the circus until the day he escaped from gay conversion camp and disappeared. They develop a friendship, even though Denise secretly thinks that Susie is a religious freak. Meanwhile Lili, who almost doesn't have any confidence anymore, asks Dorus the butler if she isn't too ugly to have a boyfriend and if people who haven't had relationships before they're 14 are crazy freaks. Dorus gives Lili her mother's old diaries and tells Lili to read them. Lili does that and while reading her mother's diaries, she gets more and more involved with her mother's search for Niels.
    Denise finds an old friend who she hasn't spoken to in years. That friend tells her that she met Niels. Apparently he worked as a bartender in an illegal stripclub. He was also a member in a squattergang, but she hasn't heard of him since he left the gang in 2001 with his fiancée, who's only known by her nickname "Yoko" (she got that nickname because of the fact that she made Niels leave the gang).
    Lili likes reading her mother's diaries and when she reads about Denise's nemesis for the first time, she decides to visit her. Who knows if that nemesis knows anything about Niels? Lili goes to that house with her little brother. They get pretty shocked when they find out that this nemesis is actually a cyborg and they're pretty scared of her. The nemesis recognizes Lili and Alex immediately as Denise's children and decides to kill them. Unfortunately she doesn't succeed.

    This is what I have for now. The middle part is still pretty weak to my opinion. I do already have an end, which is pretty unconventional.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -

    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  3. #3
    Playnerd Array Timeless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009


    I'm sorry, I was too busy and distracted over how cool your avatar is.

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