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View Poll Results: do you feel you have fulfilled your parents' expectations/wishes?

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  • yes, almost 100% !

    6 16.22%
  • pretty good,..about 70%-80% of 'em!

    14 37.84%
  • not really,..only about 30%-40% only!

    6 16.22%
  • still not, or perhaps never will! it's just damn hard!..

    11 29.73%
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  1. #1
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Default have you fulfilled your parents' expectations, or not?

    how many of you here feel that you have fulfilled your parents' expectations?
    ...or perhaps to the contrary, do many of you feel that you often made them sort of 'dissapointed' in you, & what you chose to do/want in life?

    this could mean many things, such as:
    - you took the uni Major/Degree that your parents want, with the results that your parents also want
    - later on, you worked on a job/field that your parents want, with the results that your parents also want
    - or, you're married, have kids, according to parents' expectations/wishes

    or,
    do you rather feel that,
    the more 'mature' we are, the more we grow into an Adult,
    the reality seems to be we dissapoint our parents much more, than we fulfill/satisfy their expectations/wishes ?

    and is it particularly much more difficult for NFs , or SPs type,
    to satisfy/fulfill their parents' wishes?..

    what do you guys think on this issue?
    let's discuss!

  2. #2
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Default

    aw, I answered this and then saw it was only for NFs. If you don't mention it in the title, at least put it in the NF commune...

    I will comment though that only rotten parents expect their kids to follow the career a parent has chosen for them...
    -end of thread-

  3. #3
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    aw, I answered this and then saw it was only for NFs. If you don't mention it in the title, at least put it in the NF commune...

    I will comment though that only rotten parents expect their kids to follow the career a parent has chosen for them...
    I'm sorry,
    yeah, I've realized that, & I've just edited them
    so please, feel free to take the poll, & post your opinion also!
    ANY type is allowed here!
    (i've also made a duplicate thread in NFs sub-forum, just for the sake of curiosity ).

  4. #4
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    My parents never had any expectations in me, besides: dont steal, dont kill people, get real and be honest to yourself.

    My Dad is very proud of me, cause I am the first one from our family to go to University in 10 generations, but he would have been proud of me the same way, if I choosed any other path.

    I dont get the reason behind this thread.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #5
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    I am not concerned with fulfilling anyone's expectations of me, even my own. Life doesn't last long enough to worry about what rank I've attained in the superfluous race of rats.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  6. #6
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    My parents never expressed any specific direction for me. I'm sure they're happy/proud but they've never said...we want you to do XYZ. I have a degree, raised a couple great kids and they love my husband but that's the extent of their opinion on my life.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #7
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    i think during this recession, their friends children's success has been limited enough so that they expect less from me. but overall, they don't bug me as much as they used to because i kind of at least reached a minimum threshold for them.

  8. #8
    Senior Member niki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    My parents never had any expectations in me, besides: dont steal, dont kill people, get real and be honest to yourself.

    My Dad is very proud of me, cause I am the first one from our family to go to University in 10 generations, but he would have been proud of me the same way, if I choosed any other path.

    I dont get the reason behind this thread.
    be thankful, that you parents are the 'flexible, open-minded' one..

    the reason I'm making this thread, is because not all parents (especially in Asian culture, like mine) are 'flexible, open-minded' type.
    on the contrary, many Asian parents seem to push their expectations into their kids, & causing the kids unbearable stress, to the extreme point of comitting suicide.. definitely not a good thing for the kids' psyche, and life!

    I am making this thread, also to see if in general, whether culture plays a huge role in shaping the parents into the 'open-minded' type, or the 'rigid, stern' one.


    Quote Originally Posted by Modern Nomad View Post
    i think during this recession, their friends children's success has been limited enough so that they expect less from me. but overall, they don't bug me as much as they used to because i kind of at least reached a minimum threshold for them.
    if i may know, what is the "minimum threshold" that they 'set' for you?
    and are they more 'general' requirements, or the 'specific' ones, like for example: they determine you to only take certain university, and degree, and career, etc?

  9. #9
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    My Father communicated very explicit goals to me that he felt were important for a man to reach in his life.

    Fortunately for us both, I identified with his vision, and in the past 10 years I have systematically achieved them. Examples of things he felt good for a man to do in life:

    (1) Be married and have a family

    (2) For a good career have 10 years work experience, a master's degree or better, and a professional certification. I've accomplished all but the masters, but I'm enrolled ina graduate program and more than halfway, and I will be done with it within a year.

    (3) Work in the public sector for 20-30 years in order to have a fixed benefit pension, group rate health care for life, and job security while the kids are young.

    Don't get me wrong, I have done alot of things that I wanted to do in life in the course of meeting my Father's expectations. Some of which he did not agree with, but it is my life after all, and he is happy that I have given hios guidance as much effort as I have, and honestly him stating that to me in the past year was a very positive moment for me, and gave me peace. I don't have to worry if he dies tomorrow that I didn't live up to his expectations. That is alot of weight off my shoulders.

    Now, as far as my mother, she told me that neither me nor my brother have met up to any of her expectations of us. I laughed as the words left her mouth and told her "I don't care, Mother." She asked me why. And I told her that:

    (1) She never communicated any specific success criteria to me or my brother.

    (2) Whatever wild and fantastical aspirations she had of either of us, might not have been realistic, and that I was not going to feel guilty about not living up to her delusions.

    (3) That she would be better off focusing on the parts of my life that she is happy with, because I have not given a hit about what anybody else thinks since I was about 2 years old.

    (4) Then I told her that I loved her and that if she but told me what her wishes of me were, that I would do my best to meet them if they are reasonable. She laughed and said that might be too much work, how about we just stick with the current gameplan.
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  10. #10
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niki View Post
    be thankful, that you parents are the 'flexible, open-minded' one..

    the reason I'm making this thread, is because not all parents (especially in Asian culture, like mine) are 'flexible, open-minded' type.
    on the contrary, many Asian parents seem to push their expectations into their kids, & causing the kids unbearable stress, to the extreme point of comitting suicide.. definitely not a good thing for the kids' psyche, and life!

    I am making this thread, also to see if in general, whether culture plays a huge role in shaping the parents into the 'open-minded' type, or the 'rigid, stern' one.
    I see. Well I am sorry, I didnt thought about that for a moment.

    In Germany its 30 to 70, between parents who want their kids to live up to expectations and parents who are open minded.

    The ongoing issue we face here is parents ignoring their kids and rather living their own lives. So I think both sides of the coin have their extremes :/
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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