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  1. #1
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Default Do you wonder how others perceive you?

    I have discovered that some types truly are not even curious about this. While I don't think it should shape your life, I am often curious if people's perceptions of me match up with who I think I am, and if they don't, which party is mistaken. I'd like to make sure that what people see is an accurate reflection of who I am internally.

    Would the way you would summarize your good or bad qualities square with how others do?

    I would like to know why it matters to you, or why it is not important at all to you.

  2. #2
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I love myself and am at peace with the universe.
    Therefore, I do not care what others think about me.
    I never have, since I can remember.
    The obvious exception is opinions of dearly loved ones, like my wifey, kids, parents, etc., but the public at large? NOPE!
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  3. #3
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    @fidelia
    ^^fiddle player


    @Halla
    I think thats why ESTP are so fun to party with. Things seem more free and lighthearted and quite positive.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  4. #4
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think for INFJs, one of the reasons that it matters to them is that people see such different/limited sides of them that they conclude that what they see is what's there and just fill in the rest however they'd like to. Often the INFJ won't bother opposing someone openly, unless it is worth it to them to do so (person is close to them). The absence of openly stated opinions and needless conflict results in a generically nice label, usually supported by a couple of general adjectives to do with interest or professions.

    In the INFJ case I think being understood matters to them, but they don't open up to people unless they feel it is safe to do so. They generally are very invested in the thoughts, interests, preferences, and people in their life, and so feel personally rejected when people reject those seemingly separate things.

    INFJs seem to have a stronger internal editor than some types as well, which makes them run ideas through their heads several times before saying them. Sometimes this filters out a lot of what may make them seem funnier or less ponderous and serious to others. It's not that those elements aren't inside them, but rather that they are self-conscious about releasing the unedited version lest they feel embarrassed in front of themselves!

    Some types seem to promote themselves more strongly than others and it actually impacts how others view them. Others seem naturally to convey a sense of whom they are without having to say anything. Other types still seem naturally to get swept to the side and I'd be interested to know what factors influence all of this. I don't think it is all a function of confidence, although that is definitely part of the equation.

    I'm wondering if other types' curiosity or lack thereof in other's perceptions of them are fueled more by other aspects of their personality that serve as motivators. Perhaps it is a function of experiences (negative or positive) from the past instead, or something completely different than that yet.

    Is it a problem for people to care about it, or only if it has a negative influence on their bahaviour? Is it a problem for those who don't care one way or the other? If so, how does that impact their lives?

  5. #5
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    Do you wonder how others perceive you?
    Not anymore.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    I care what I think of myself.

  7. #7
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think most people do. But does it matter to you if other people perceive the same things about yourself that you do?

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    But does it matter to you if other people perceive the same things about yourself that you do?
    Nope.

    Edit: There is rarely an error between how I see myself and how others see me.
    If there are errors, it's usually online. Not IRL.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I think you nailed it about INFJs.

    Whether or not its a problem, well ... I guess I care how people that I care about see me. There just aren't that many people that I care about.

    For me, personally, though, I know it has to do with being the only child of a mother who cared about nothing so much as what people think of her. Lived in terror that someone wouldn't like her or would think something bad about her. To the extent that it brought out my defiance. I just can't be a slave to that. Playing to the general public is not worth it. I'll conform my presentation for people whose opinion I value because those people have the power to hurt me if they're disapproving, and because I want us to get along and live happily ever after.

    Everybody else can pretty much kiss my ass, frankly. You're exactly right -- people will fill in the blanks. There's nothing I can do about that. I'd rather think about things I can do something about.

    But also, I feel a spiritual obligation to be who I am as authentically as I can be (within the bounds of reasonably socially acceptable behavior). I feel like I am who I am for a reason, even if I don't know the reason. And so is everyone else -- they should be who they are and let the chips fall where they may. I think if you can take it, it's a good way to live.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    So for you, your personal experiences have gone into the mix along with your personality traits, yes? I agree that you can't worry about the things you are unable to change.

    Until dating someone who took on advertising an image of himself to people quite naturally, it never had occurred to me how much difference one way or the other that kind of promotion made. I still am not inclined to do so myself, but I have noticed that it does actually impact what other people think and how they react (both negative and positive. Several incidents started me thinking. At times, people have misrepresented who I was while talking to other people who didn't know me as well. The misrepresentation was believed because the other people listening didn't know that much about me and assumed the other person knew what they were talking about. (In this case, things like the statement, "She wouldn't say shit if she had a mouthful of it" were said at my workplace, both peers and bosses. I did not have as much time as he did to visit with colleagues and others throughout the day and we worked at the same place. Aside from the rudeness of presuming to do that, it bothered me most that it was not at all factual.)

    This made me consider whether it actually does matter to at least take preventative measures so that others already have formed some kind of opinion for themselves.

    As an aside, I kind of get a kick out of allowing people to occasionally see sides of me that don't square with the persona they made up in their head. They seem genuinely shocked and confused (or it induces snorting coffee through their nose).
    Last edited by fidelia; 01-26-2010 at 05:15 PM.

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