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  1. #1
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Default Being confrontational/aggressive

    I was hoping someone would relate to this somewhat. I can be a pretty confrontational/aggressive guy, but, depending on the context, it's often simply a funny faade to tease other people. It's part of my way to interact with the world. I can be cynical, sarcastic and prickish with a lot of silliness thrown into the mix, but I find it hard to stop the "act" because it has become a part of who I am, and how I feel comfortable with. I guess that's how an ENFP can test as enneagram 8.

    Even though I often play the part of the tough guy, I'm very comfortable showing my sensitive side to others, and I assume most people get I'm just joking when I act more abrasive the reminder of the time.

    The truth of the matter is though, I seem to hurt people sometimes (often FJs) because they tend to take me too literally on my banter-like comments, which I admit, can be pretty out there sometimes I guess.

    I relate a lot to ENTPs (I have high Ti) in that sort of "the prick" way. I am however governed by my Fi and genuinely want everyone to get along for the most part. I can't seem to remain too long in "sincere feely mode" though (probably related to enneagram type 8) without feeling all weird.

    I also noticed that when I'm nice (I'm never "nice" unless I have a reason to be) for too long I lose my sense of self to a certain extent and feel like I'm not showing people my best side - which I would describe as an immensity of Fi covered with Ne and faux-Te (my grumpy self) and Ti (cynical and witty) in a funny, happy-go-lcuky way. When I'm overtly nice I lose control of social interaction...a position I don't like being in. I'm not a leader, I'm a maverick, but I like feeling what I say has some sort of impact. And I have to tease people lest my brain die. But some can't seem to take it too well.

    This is mainly aimed at ENTPs because I feel they might be on the same boat but : should one give up on being a smartass/prickish/confrontational/whatever, our natural way of interacting with the world, to avoid hurting the ones we love? Or should we accept ourselves for who we are and understand that not everyone will get our brand of interaction?

    Empathy and being caring come naturally to me...but my pride tells me I should be allowed to be how I am if I'm not murdering little babies in the process. As an 8 being sweet and nice all the time just isn't my modus operandi I'm afraid.

    What say you (yeah you, the guy who kept reading)?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    What say you (yeah you, the guy who kept reading)?
    I say, that is quite a manly avatar.

  3. #3
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I was hoping someone would relate to this somewhat. I can be a pretty confrontational/aggressive guy, but, depending on the context, it's often simply a funny faade to tease other people. It's part of my way to interact with the world. I can be cynical, sarcastic and prickish with a lot of silliness thrown into the mix, but I find it hard to stop the "act" because it has become a part of who I am, and how I feel comfortable with. I guess that's how an ENFP can test as enneagram 8.

    Even though I often play the part of the tough guy, I'm very comfortable showing my sensitive side to others, and I assume most people get I'm just joking when I act more abrasive the reminder of the time.

    The truth of the matter is though, I seem to hurt people sometimes (often FJs) because they tend to take me too literally on my banter-like comments, which I admit, can be pretty out there sometimes I guess.

    I relate a lot to ENTPs (I have high Ti) in that sort of "the prick" way. I am however governed by my Fi and genuinely want everyone to get along for the most part. I can't seem to remain too long in "sincere feely mode" though (probably related to enneagram type 8) without feeling all weird.

    I also noticed that when I'm nice (I'm never "nice" unless I have a reason to be) for too long I lose my sense of self to a certain extent and feel like I'm not showing people my best side - which I would describe as an immensity of Fi covered with Ne and faux-Te (my grumpy self) and Ti (cynical and witty) in a funny, happy-go-lcuky way. When I'm overtly nice I lose control of social interaction...a position I don't like being in. I'm not a leader, I'm a maverick, but I like feeling what I say has some sort of impact. And I have to tease people lest my brain die. But some can't seem to take it too well.

    This is mainly aimed at ENTPs because I feel they might be on the same boat but : should one give up on being a smartass/prickish/confrontational/whatever, our natural way of interacting with the world, to avoid hurting the ones we love? Or should we accept ourselves for who we are and understand that not everyone will get our brand of interaction?

    Empathy and being caring come naturally to me...but my pride tells me I should be allowed to be how I am if I'm not murdering little babies in the process. As an 8 being sweet and nice all the time just isn't my modus operandi I'm afraid.

    What say you (yeah you, the guy who kept reading)?
    Oh yeah? Fuck you, tough guy....















    Jus' kiddin'. 'F' in the house

  4. #4
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    my dad whose an ENFP for sure, likes to be very confrontational, but then use the confrontational-ness to get everything out in the open, and then in a strange way, bond over getting everything out in the open.

    so? was that the point of ur thread?

  5. #5
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    (I'm never "nice" unless I have a reason to be)


  6. #6
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Be yourself.

    I'm confrontational too. It's not a bad thing.

    Other words for it that are more universally tolerated are "assertive" or "direct."

    To those who just met you, the effect of this trait is more significant than to those who have known you for awhile. Those who have known you for awhile know you are a well intended perosn and accept you as you are. New folks in your life might be a bit shell shocked around your confrontational outbursts, but that could be because of (bad) past experiences in their lives, or maybe even that they are just a sissy.

    Don't worry about it. Be the best person you can be everyday of your life, and allow yourself room for error, because you are human after all.


  7. #7
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post

    I'm confrontational too. It's not a bad thing.

  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    We so should have a 'clash of the Titans' thread. Like, pitting all the enneagram 8's (including the wings!) against each other
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Modern Nomad View Post
    my dad whose an ENFP for sure, likes to be very confrontational, but then use the confrontational-ness to get everything out in the open, and then in a strange way, bond over getting everything out in the open.

    so? was that the point of ur thread?
    yeah i like this..i think the enfps i know including myself are this way too.

    and sy...as you know how you say things makes all the difference and don't worry about it. sweet tastes better with salt.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Modern Nomad View Post
    my dad whose an ENFP for sure, likes to be very confrontational, but then use the confrontational-ness to get everything out in the open, and then in a strange way, bond over getting everything out in the open.
    Oh yes I do always get everything out in the open.

    so? was that the point of ur thread?
    Yeah, just realized I forgot something. Basically whether I should strive to be more magnanimous or not. Not that I would do it. Just wanted to know other people's opinion on that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar
    Yeees?

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla
    To those who just met you, the effect of this trait is more significant than to those who have known you for awhile. Those who have known you for awhile know you are a well intended perosn and accept you as you are. New folks in your life might be a bit shell shocked around your confrontational outbursts, but that could be because of (bad) past experiences in their lives, or maybe even that they are just a sissy.
    Yes, that rings very true. I don't have confrontational outbursts though. It's a state of being. Contrarian is a word that has been used more than once to describe me. But I'm very laid back and harmony-loving. It's just my way of keeping the ball rolling I guess. My friends like my "grumpy old man" side and I enjoy it even more when they know I'm joking. But it's not something you can come out and say "Hey I'm only joking". "Hey I'm only joking" kills all the joy in acting and good humor I says.

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