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Thread: Being confrontational/aggressive

  1. #11
    Once Was Array Synarch's Avatar
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    Oct 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I was hoping someone would relate to this somewhat. I can be a pretty confrontational/aggressive guy, but, depending on the context, it's often simply a funny façade to tease other people. It's part of my way to interact with the world. I can be cynical, sarcastic and prickish with a lot of silliness thrown into the mix, but I find it hard to stop the "act" because it has become a part of who I am, and how I feel comfortable with. I guess that's how an ENFP can test as enneagram 8.

    Even though I often play the part of the tough guy, I'm very comfortable showing my sensitive side to others, and I assume most people get I'm just joking when I act more abrasive the reminder of the time.

    The truth of the matter is though, I seem to hurt people sometimes (often FJs) because they tend to take me too literally on my banter-like comments, which I admit, can be pretty out there sometimes I guess.

    I relate a lot to ENTPs (I have high Ti) in that sort of "the prick" way. I am however governed by my Fi and genuinely want everyone to get along for the most part. I can't seem to remain too long in "sincere feely mode" though (probably related to enneagram type 8) without feeling all weird.

    I also noticed that when I'm nice (I'm never "nice" unless I have a reason to be) for too long I lose my sense of self to a certain extent and feel like I'm not showing people my best side - which I would describe as an immensity of Fi covered with Ne and faux-Te (my grumpy self) and Ti (cynical and witty) in a funny, happy-go-lcuky way. When I'm overtly nice I lose control of social interaction...a position I don't like being in. I'm not a leader, I'm a maverick, but I like feeling what I say has some sort of impact. And I have to tease people lest my brain die. But some can't seem to take it too well.

    This is mainly aimed at ENTPs because I feel they might be on the same boat but : should one give up on being a smartass/prickish/confrontational/whatever, our natural way of interacting with the world, to avoid hurting the ones we love? Or should we accept ourselves for who we are and understand that not everyone will get our brand of interaction?

    Empathy and being caring come naturally to me...but my pride tells me I should be allowed to be how I am if I'm not murdering little babies in the process. As an 8 being sweet and nice all the time just isn't my modus operandi I'm afraid.

    What say you (yeah you, the guy who kept reading)?
    What a long-winded faggot.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    What a long-winded faggot.

  3. #13
    Allergic to Mornings Array ergophobe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009


    I relate. Fi demands you be yourself. I expect anything different would feel unnatural and not help.

    Having said that, examining why you are confrontational/aggressive in a situation is useful. Sometimes, it's what the situation needs and there's no other way to get the point across. At other times, it's something within that isn't helping us. If it's a form of being defensive or reacting in a situation in which you aren't comfortable, there could be other ways of reacting that you would likely feel better about later.

    Is your concern more about humor boundaries? I definitely find that as well - my humor is personal. Being an ENFP, it's things I notice about people that make them unique. Most of the time, it's because I think that quirk makes them who they are and I love it! It may not always come off as that. I think we follow Ne with our humor and for those of us who enjoy a darker brand of humor, it could go further than we would have intended with some hindsight and better Fe....

    Do you think developing Fi has something to do with it? Just wondering aloud...

  4. #14
    Artisan Conquerer Array Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    7w8 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Yes, that rings very true. I don't have confrontational outbursts though. It's a state of being. Contrarian is a word that has been used more than once to describe me. But I'm very laid back and harmony-loving. It's just my way of keeping the ball rolling I guess. My friends like my "grumpy old man" side and I enjoy it even more when they know I'm joking. But it's not something you can come out and say "Hey I'm only joking". "Hey I'm only joking" kills all the joy in acting and good humor I says.
    Substitute "demeanor" or "disposition" for "outbursts" and see if it sounds better to you.

    Then go fuck yourself, you wannabe grammar Nazi.

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