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  1. #1
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Default Generousity...Your Implementation?

    (1) Are you generous?

    (2) How? With what? Your time? Money? Advice?

    (3) When are you generous? How often?

    (4) Do you extend different levels of generousity to different types of people?

    (5) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you?

    My thoughts later...

    <***Questions fixed, was in hurry when I wrote this! >

  2. #2
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    (1) Are you generous?
    To those I think have earned it? Yes. To others who have not shown such? No.

    (2) How?
    Isn't this the same as the next question? "how" is "to provide assistance freely" basically. The only real "how" in here, is "whot do yeu provide" XD

    (3) With what? Your time? Money? Advice?
    Time, effort, advice, etc primarily. I don't share food nor money often; I help people help themselves, and show them how to do things. Giving them something does nothing, they must earn it on their own, but I can give them nudges in the right direction when they're trying.

    (4) When are you generous? How often?
    I help those who help themselves. If someone puts alot of time and effort into trying to better themselves, I am willing to match their effort one for one, putting as much help into it as they themselves do. If they can't be bothered to lift a finger on their own accord first, then I do nothing to aide them. The frequency of my generosity, therefore, is directly correlated to the individuals around me and their own personal willingness to help themselves.

    (5) Do you extend different levels of generousity to different types of people?
    Types? Not really. I help people regardless of my preferance for them; even if I don't like yeu, I'll still help yeu when yeu strive for self betterment, or are struggling with a difficult task, so long as it's one I agree with. I won't help yeu kill a bunch of people, but I will help yeu understand or learn ideas, about most any topic.

    (6) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you?
    Due to having been a gamer girl from before such was fairly common... as in like back in the starcraft days and diablo 1 and such... I learned that I prefer to earn my way. I *HATE* how people have (and it was far worse back then) to just throw freebies at me because 'lol breasts'. It frustrated me to no end that I couldn't learn or better myself with everyone trying to do all the work for me.

    This's spilled over outside of games now, to the point that I'm exceptionally resistant to assistance, even when I require it. I abhor asking for help, and virtually never accept it. On the rare chance I do actually accept assistance, it's only in the most dire of situations where I have absolutely no choice in the matter, and even then, I practically write up a contract stating that they are not allowed to help me PERIOD unless I am allowed to pay them back far more than they've helped me, as soon as it's possible to do so.

    I hate feeling in debt, even if it's not of the monetary form. To owe someone a favour is a feeling that gnaws at me constantly.

    Furthermore, I refuse to accept having anything handed to me free of charge as a gift. Christmas and birthday are the two exceptions to this rule, but even those I'm picky about. If I want something, having it handed to me without effort is a waste. I feel like I've accomplished nothing, and it's hollow, empty. I need to earn it for myself; the taste of blood and sweat and tears is a sweet flavour to those who have a sense of pride.

    Pride comes before a fall because the prideful are not willing to ask for help when they need it. This's the lesson I'm being forced to learn slowly. Maybe someday I'll learn, but my generosity towards others is based on my own personal views. I don't hold others as tightly to my own views as I do myself, but don't expect me to give up anything for yeu if yeu won't give up anything for yeurself first.

    The largest thing, I think, which forced this matter, was actually from WoW of all things. It was a situation which showed me how I have to be with my generosity to keep me from being torn asunder.

    I was playing a healing class (priesty!) back in the day, problem is, absolutely everyone needs healers to do their stuff. I was exceptionally good at it, so got asked for help alot. Problem is, I didn't know how to say 'no' back then (and still am not good at it, it's very awkward for me). I got stuck being essentially dragged around by a leash, doing everything for everyone else, with empty promises of compensation.

    "Help me run this instance! Oh thanks, ask me any time yeu need help!" Except... any time I asked for help, they'd be busy, or just not bother... after months of putting hundreds of hours into helping people who would refuse to give anything back... I could run like 10 things for them, if I asked for 1 single one for myself, I would get nothing back. Everyone would just mysteriously vanish. Even if I tried setting things up a week in advance so they'd have nothing planned, never helped.

    This's how I unfortunately came to realize, that if yeu're too generous with anything, people will abuse it, and give nothing in return.

    If people are generous with their time towards me, even so much as chatting with me, being a friend, listening, etc, that's all I need to find them worthy of helping them out disproportionately. I reward those who show compassion as best I can.

    But I've also learned that I do not give anything to those who won't work for it themselves. In game, and out of game, this holds true. If someone wants me to run them through an instance on a higher level character, but isn't willing to even try to look for a group or do it with an appropriately leveled group... I don't help them. If someone in reality wants me to carry something for them but they won't even try to carry it themselves, then too bad. I will go 50/50 with yeu but I refuse to do yeur work for yeu.

    Anyways.

    It's the most fair way I can do things, but I know it makes me look bad at times. I still hold to it though because I fiercely believe in it myself. Yeu will have me there by yeur side to do all the effort yeu can imagine, and lend as much support as needed... but only if yeu are willing to first help yeurself. If yeu can't do that, then there's nothing I can do for yeu.

  3. #3
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Great response! Thanks for sharing!

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    (1) Are you generous? Only to those who I respect. This doesn't mean that I don't have common courtesy towards other people, and that I'm willing to help strangers. But that's a bit different.

    (2) How? Answered in question three.

    (3) With what? Your time? Money? Advice? All three of these with friends/trusted people. If I am certain I will be paid back, I'll let people borrow money. I love giving advice, and I do give them my time. Usually I'm not doing anything better anyways. As for other people, I am willing to give advice and help out a bit, but not too much to where it seems like I'm wasting my time.

    (4) When are you generous? How often? I'm usually generous when I see someone that I respect as needing something that I can provide. I am generous whenever I have the ability to be to these people. It's also pretty easy for me to randomly help someone that I don't know that needs help with small things.

    (5) Do you extend different levels of generousity to different types of people? I never give money to strangers, but that's common sense.

    (6) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you? Just off the top of my head...

    -Haven't been screwed over in various classes.
    -Haven't run out of gas a few times.
    -Had food for a couple of days, since they let me stay over there when times were tough.

    Etc.

    When I respect someone, they know it, and it's usually mutually beneficial.
    Last edited by BlackCat; 11-01-2009 at 01:08 PM.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    (1) Are you generous? Generally, yes.

    (2) How? With what? Your time? Money? Advice?

    Time yes.

    Money - depends on if I feel it will benefit the person, if I am willing to never see it again, and circumstances. Unless it is in small amounts, usually I would be more likely to give people something that they need which will provide more long term help. Food - yes as long as it is not enabling helpless or taker attitudes.

    Advice - depends if it's wanted. I might offer some if I think someone is open and it would help them.

    Encouragement - pretty often.

    (3) When are you generous? How often?

    I spend most of my lunch hours, breaks and after schools doing extra-curricular stuff with kids. If someone needed help, I'd probably be more likely to look after them first even if I had a deadline (not always a good thing). For money it would usually be things that I think would make the person feel especially cared for or that they might need to develop to their full potential that might not happen without help. If I have skills that would be useful to them, I feel that it is only right for me to "pay it forward" by sharing them. In the case of my nieces and nephews or younger cousins I have more time and freedom than their parents, so have sometimes taken them on trips.

    (4) Do you extend different levels of generousity to different types of people?

    I think so, although it still has common themes. My first priority is family, particularly the kids in it, but also my extended family. Through busking I got to know a lot of street kids and when I worked on the reserve I knew a lot of kids without parents who were present, so if it seemed like either practical things or something to develop their skills were needed, I didn't mind getting it for them (school supplies, toiletries etc were needed or something to give them some skills and confidence - skateboard, baking supplies and lessons, an instrument, drawing pencils and sketch pads, origami kits etc)

    (5) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you?

    Scholarships that were donated as well as my parents paid for my university education. My folks believed in me and invested money in developing skills that would benefit myself and others and give me a way to make money. My extended family have offered generous emotional support throughout the years. Many people for advice. People when I was busking made it possible for me to have extras that I couldn't have otherwise afforded. In general, people who have cut me slack when I've made mistakes or not known how to do something.

    Overall, it's probably given me a more positive view of the world and made my default to be to expect good things rather than bad from people. Because my needs were taken care of, I think it also leaves me the emotional energy and resources to help care for others. I think that anything we are given is only ours to use for a time and to share with other people as they need it.

  6. #6
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    (1) Are you generous?
    Generally, yes. Maybe not exhibiting it outwardly as strongly as I feel inside. I'm more like the behind the scenes and subtle influence kind of person. I don't run around town hoping to be generous but when I feel like it and I see an opportunity where I can be, I do it.

    (2) How? With what? Your time? Money? Advice?
    Time and support mostly. Encouragement, a shoulder to lean on, just listening. With money if people in need actually need it. Not so much with advice, I'm not confident or experienced enough to advise anybody in serious matters. But I'm willing to listen and try to help out as much as I can.

    (3) When are you generous? How often?
    When the opportunity arises. I can't turn anybody away if I'm approached and the person is in serious trouble

    (4) Do you extend different levels of generousity to different types of people?
    Maybe yes. The people close to me definitely have an advantage. But otherwise, I'm happy to help anybody who needs it.

    (5) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you?
    Kind words and sincere actions are never forgotten. I can lean on those in the future.

  7. #7
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    (1) Are you generous?
    I try my best.
    (2) How? With what? Your time? Money? Advice?
    I'm generous with money when I have it, and I'm always generous with advice and emotional support. I'm not very generous with my time, though.

    (3) When are you generous? How often?
    Whenever I have the opportunity, and I can afford to take advantage of it.

    (4) Do you extend different levels of generousity to different types of people?
    I'm more inclined to be generous towards strangers than people I know, generally, because I'm trying harder to make an impression.

    (5) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you?
    Well, it has allowed me to learn a lot about technology, and have Internet access from an early age.

  8. #8

    Default

    (1) Are you generous?

    Yes

    (2) How? With what? Your time? Money? Advice?

    All resources. It is more about me doing something for someone than about sharing resources.

    (3) When are you generous? How often?

    When the situation arises. When I feel the need.

    (4) Do you extend different levels of generousity to different types of people?

    Definitely, I used to be generous to everyone but only so many people can travel in your bus at the same time before resources get overloaded. Some people don't deserve to sit on the bus.

    (5) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you?

    I was at the train station in Tokyo a long time ago. Tokyo is two hours from where we are. I'd used all my money and only had enough money to get half way home. I needed to ring home so I could get picked up but after buying the ticket only had 10 yen left, this was before cell phones. Anyway I tried to ring but said hello and then the line went dead.
    Just then the guy next to me gave me a 500 yen phone card, I hadn't even mentioned the situation. I just want to say, wherever you are now, you are the man.

  9. #9
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    (1) Are you generous? I think I am. Very much so.

    (2) How? With what? Your time? Money? Advice?

    I'm pretty generous with whatever I have. I'll spend hours of time working on someone else's issue, or problem. I try to do what I can for people, relative to the relationship I have with them.

    I'm sort of the go-to person when friends of mine are in real need though. I've housed homeless friends, given up my car for a time, raised one of my friend's children for years when she couldn't, paid for my youngest cousins to go to Disney World one Christmas when I was in college because they'd never been before. That type of stuff.

    I also enjoy volunteering my time to charitable organizations like Habitat For Humanity, and have acted as a court appointed children's advocate for an organization called CASA.

    (3) When are you generous? How often?
    When I'm needed and have the energy, unless I'm extremely angry at the person who needs me. Then I notice that that's when I get stingy. But I kinda thrive off of doing things for other people. I find it more authentic to do things for people than say how I feel.

    (4) Do you extend different levels of generosity to different types of people? Yes. Some people have these big dreams but can't figure out how to make them happen. I enjoy helping these types of people in particular, maybe because that type of person is the type of person I am.

    I really appreciate the people who have helped me with every next big idea that I've had, and also helped me when things didn't work out like I thought they should've. I really admire people who think and dream big, and I like to see big things happen for people.


    If I could be anything, I'd probably be a dream fulfilling fairy.

    (5) How has someone else's generousity toward you benefitted you?
    Gosh. So many are there for me when I need them. When I've needed money, my friends have been there for me. When I didn't have a car, one of my friends would drive nearly 45 minutes one way to take me where I needed to go. I had so many friends pull together for me when I was trying to get out of college without a daycare for the babe. And when I was on bed rest, I couldn't even get up to cook my own food for nearly three months. One of my friends came over to my house and cooked for me the entire time.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  10. #10
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    To those of you who have qualified your generosity, i.e. only to people you respect or think are deserving of your genorisity, is that really being generous?

    My understanding of generosity is it doesn't matter if the recipient is worthy or deserving or not. The quality is something within you independent of others.

    I guess questions like these are self-serving in a way to me. It's like asking are you a bad person, most people don't think they're bad. Most people give themselves positive traits and qualities regardless if they're really there or not.

    I don't think I'm a generous or sacrificing person, I think too much in terms of reciprocity and quid pro quo. I only do as much as another does, so I think that limits how generous I am.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

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