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  1. #141
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    The underlying principle of manners is to make other people feel comfortable. There isn't a particular style of manners I expect, but ideally see good manners as the ability to adapt to a variety of cultural styles of interacting which can include some levels of "rudeness" or super-politeness. If there is good intent and I am aware of it, then someone being rude as an attempt to include me, or someone pulling out a chair for me, or someone calling me "miss", etc. are all the same in my book. Within the range of my own personal limitations, I try to accommodate the other person's style as best I can.
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  2. #142
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Obviously. However, most people on buses like to sit.

    The same would apply to you, wouldn't it? And to a whole bunch of other teenagers on the bus you are not giving your seat up to? The fact that you would be singling them out as needier may be seen as offensive, is all I am saying.


    People in this thread are saying that its YOUR fault if you take offensive to it, but not acknowledging that it may also be THEIR fault for being presumptuous.

  3. #143
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    The underlying principle of manners is to make other people feel comfortable. There isn't a particular style of manners I expect, but ideally see good manners as the ability to adapt to a variety of cultural styles of interacting which can include some levels of "rudeness" or super-politeness. If there is good intent and I am aware of it, then someone being rude as an attempt to include me, or someone pulling out a chair for me, or someone calling me "miss", etc. are all the same in my book. Within the range of my own personal limitations, I try to accommodate the other person's style as best I can.
    I like your perspective on this matter. Ultimately, the intent is what's important, not the ritual.
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  4. #144
    Supreme Allied Commander Take Five's Avatar
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    Women can vote and serve in the military. The sexes are equal, so I understand why some see no purpose in the old manners.

    That being said, I've yet to come across somebody gets angry when I hold the door open. It's just that these polite measures should be extended to men and women.

  5. #145
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I Many people spend much less time reading as well, so are less likely to come across that information unless they were brought up that way.
    Proof? Are you saying that the upper classes read less? Because the literacy rate in the general population - especially among the working class - has actually risen, not fallen. People don't read any less than they ever did. It's just that all of the people who don't very much that you come into contact with on a regular basis used to not read at all 100 years ago. This just isn't true.

  6. #146
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quinlan View Post
    I think your avatar is bad manners.

    What is the practical purpose of these things (entering a restaurant first, getting up from his chair, opening a door for someone who is physically able)?
    Yeah, I'm going to agree - the avatar is very bad manners.

    As for the OP, I know what you mean, but I don't care about men standing up when I enter the room. But if they won't help me carry heavy stuff, then they're just a jerk. I expect manners for a pragmatic or helpful reason, but not outdated structural reasons like using "the correct fork." So I only half agree with what you're saying.

  7. #147
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Are you serious? I've opened doors for people and gotten all kinds of weird looks for it, most people do say "thanks" or at least give a nod but there a quite a few who act like they're entitled to it and completely ignore the fact that someone is spending time(very little) to make their life (very slightly)easier.

    That being said, I absolutely hate when people say "That being said" to open a sentence, especially a whole new paragraph.

    That being said, there should be certain limits(space, time) to who you should hold a door for. If there's someone close behind me(15 ft or less) and they're not walking too slowly(saunter), I will hold a door. I also don't open doors for people on cellphones, the homeless or people who drive disgustingly nice vehicles.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  8. #148
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaybeLogic View Post
    Are you serious? I've opened doors for people and gotten all kinds of weird looks for it, most people do say "thanks" or at least give a nod but there a quite a few who act like they're entitled to it and completely ignore the fact that someone is spending time(very little) to make their life (very slightly)easier.

    That being said, I absolutely hate when people say "That being said" to open a sentence, especially a whole new paragraph.

    That being said, there should be certain limits(space, time) to who you should hold a door for. If there's someone close behind me(15 ft or less) and they're not walking too slowly(saunter), I will hold a door. I also don't open doors for people on cellphones, the homeless or people who drive disgustingly nice vehicles.

    You don't open doors for the homeless? What the fuck does that mean?

    I open doors for people, and I'm a woman. It's just polite. You know, I live in the South ...and you do too apparently? People are still fairly well-mannered where I live.

    The OP might find what she's looking for if she dates men who are from a different culture than what she's experiencing.

  9. #149
    Supreme Allied Commander Take Five's Avatar
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    MaybeLogic, I agree with the second sentence of the third paragraph.

    That being said, where are you going that homeless people also want to get in?

  10. #150
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Marmalade - 100 years ago where I come from there were only a few bands of aboriginal people around and a very few settlers. I'm referring to the increase of media and the decrease of those who would otherwise read to process ideas. I do realize that in general, basic literacy has increased. However, I would venture to say that most people of my generation watch far more TV/movies than read books in the run of a year. I have lived in both middle/upper class as well as low income communities/environments and found that to be the case.

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