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Thread: If parents financially help their adult kids, what happens in the future?

  1. #51
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Array Mole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by paperoceans View Post
    Question: Why do you care? Is it really your business what people decide to do with their money?
    That's why we have progressive taxation, financial regulation, corporate law, family law, the common and criminal law.

    So what you do with your money is everybody's business.

    But hey, Paperoceans, privacy is over. We now live in an electronic world of etribalism where we know everyone's business all the time.

    It is merely the quaint belief of a literate individual that it is only your business what you do with your money.

    Hey, every electronic transaction you make is logged and kept. And it only takes a court order to gain access.

    So we know who you are. And we know where you live. And we know how you spend your money.

    But, hey, we are all friends anyway.

  2. #52


    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    One thing I've recently noticed is a prevalence of parents financially supporting their 25-45 year old adult children. These are perfectly healthy, college educated children that often are married and have families. Yet, these parents frequently have to give their adult children money and other items so the family, and their grandchildren, can be in a stable and healthy home.

    It makes me wonder... what happens when the parents pass away, and the grandchildren become adults and have their own families? It seems likely these grandchildren will also need help, but their parents will be unable to provide it, since they've always depended on THEIR parents to make ends meet.

    Do you think this will be common enough that we will have to face it in 20 years? What do you think this will do to society in general?

    It's normal for parents to help their children. It's also normal for children to help their parents. (using biology terms) It's one thing if it's a parasitic relationship, but if it's mutualistic then it's usually considered "okay" by social standards. For example, I'm going through some tough times right now, since the housing implosion...My parent is helping me out financially and, in exchange, I'm helping to reside her house, building an additional room, rebuilding her shed, etc, etc.....mutualistic relationship, very healthy, very normal, very traditional.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”

  3. #53
    mountain surfing Array nomadic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008


    return the favor and help ur kids too.

    if u can't do that, then don't have kids.

  4. #54
    Nickle Iron Silicone Array Charmed Justice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I create a thread basically stating that it seems like alot of adults are leaning on their parents, and are still only getting by. Then I asked if these dependant adults will be equipped to care for *their* children when they get older. If not, what happens?

    We seem to have gone off topic in a not-so-good way. Likely that was my fault.
    Heh. The off-topic thing isn't your fault. I mean, we are mostly Ns here. What's "off-topic" really mean?

    I think you may be over emphasizing the level of "dependence" many of these adult children have on their parents. Dependent is probably best replaced with interdependent in most cases.

    My husband lived at home until he was in his mid 20's. It was more affordable for his mother that way. She had someone helping with the mortgage, and he had a nice place to live that was inexpensive while he went to school. At this point, he is an IT professional(early 30's), so when she needs something fixed, he is the go to. She would otherwise need to pay hundreds of dollars for someone else to do the job. When we lived close by, he would cut her grass, clean out the garage occasionally, and tend to his aging grandfather(who also lived in the home). When she goes on vacation, we take the dog so she doesn't need to pay to board her. When we need extra money, she provides it. And, if she needs extra money, we provide it. Interdependence. It's not something you can really see unless you are in the family.

    I will say that I was pretty put off by the fact that my husband, in his mid-20's, was still living with his mother--at first. I didn't get it. I associated such with losers because of the way I was raised. In my family, you get out at 18, and you don't come back unless you're dying or traumatized in some way. You go to college, and then to graduate school, and you get a damn good job. You pay for yourself, for the most part, and you find a way to become successful without your family(even if that means relying on the government). My mother was briefly on welfare whilst getting her doctorate degree. Heh. That being said, most members of my family are highly paid professionals, and most members of my husband's family aren't. So to a degree, perhaps my family's approach "worked". But guess whose family has old folks in the nursing home, and guess whose family generally has more intergenerational drama(esp. between the Boomers and their rigid parents)? It's all about perspective.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

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