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  1. #11
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Thanks for sharing EnFpFer. Interesting. Would you consider yourself polyamorous?
    Nah, that's not me, but I would never count it out in my lifetime.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Aside from the sexual aspect, do you think there is anything particular about the kind of intimacy had in a romantic relationship?
    What makes the relationship remarkably different from my other friendships is my willingness to share my body with another person. Aside from sex and commitment, I would say the emotional intimacy could very well be the same or similar to my other friendships.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    If you could, would you like to be emotionally/physically intimate with the greatest amount of people possible? Do you think that says anything about the value you place on being emotionally/physically intimate with someone?
    The greatest number of people? Wow, never. I'm actually a pretty private person when it comes to who I really let in. It's one thing to talk about the things that I think, it's any entirely different thing for me to talk about the things that I feel. It's not a very easy thing for me to do, so I wouldn't be interested in doing it with the greatest number of people.

    I would equally have no interest in having a physical relationship with the greatest number of people. Sex=love, to me.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Nah, that's not me, but I would never count it out in my lifetime.
    So do you believe in exclusivity?


    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    What makes the relationship remarkably different from my other friendships is my willingness to share my body with another person. Aside from sex and commitment, I would say the emotional intimacy could very well be the same or similar to my other friendships.
    Are "friends with benefits" the same as romantic relationship then?



    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    The greatest number of people? Wow, never. I'm actually a pretty private person when it comes to who I really let in. It's one thing to talk about the things that I think, it's any entirely different thing for me to talk about the things that I feel. It's not a very easy thing for me to do, so I wouldn't be interested in doing it with the greatest number of people.

    I would equally have no interest in having a physical relationship with the greatest number of people. Sex=love, to me.
    I'm not sure you got my question. I'm not asking if you would actively try and be intimate with the greatest number of people so much as would you be open to sharing with a lot of people, if all of them proved worthy of your trust? As in, if various individuals made you feel comfortable talking about your feelings, would you allow yourself to be intimate with them all in the same way (emotionally, I mean)?

  3. #13
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    So do you believe in exclusivity?
    Eh, I believe in honesty. I believe in people doing what works for them and theirs. I don't put much stock in exclusivity or monogamy from a moralistic perspective. Some individuals/couples are happily monogamous, and some are happily not.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Are "friends with benefits" the same as romantic relationship then?
    It could be, but it doesn't have to be. If the friends involved are really friends(absent the sex) then I'd say that it's similar, if not the same.

    Romance, to me, is based on adoration, admiration, playfulness and attraction. A relationship is the connection between two people. A romantic relationship could involve any two people(or more) who are connected to each other in some way, and who also admire, adore, and are attracted to each other. In the weakest sense, a romantic relationship of sorts could easily exist between two heterosexual friends, FWB, or anyone really.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Would you be open to sharing with a lot of people, if all of them proved worthy of your trust? As in, if various individuals made you feel comfortable talking about your feelings, would you allow yourself to be intimate with them all in the same way (emotionally, I mean)?
    Depends on what you mean by a lot. Could you give an example?
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I like being touchy-feely with friends.
    I will mostly hug people.

    I love being intimate with my SO, be it touching, stroking, kissing, sex etc.

    I do have a problem when sad or ill though, i don't like people getting close to me as i am vulnerable. People usually take the piss when vulnerable so i don't like to show that side of me.

    I was feeling not so good last night and my mum came round. I was curled up on the sofa. I moved so she could sit and she told me i was running a temperature so she hugged me. It is the first time i have let her do that without pushing away. My mum won't hurt me.

    Maybe i am just more sensitive than i believe i am.

    I however have never been able to understand make up sex after an argument. Never done in my life. I don't like arguing and will try my hardest to talk things through. When they get to the point of being shouted at, verbally abused and left feeling like utter shit .. Why on earth would i want to be intimate and share myself with you. I don't get that concept.
    Maybe i haven't meet the right man that i can have make up sex with.
    Ever the optimist.
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    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #15
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    How would you define physical intimacy between two people? What does intimacy mean to you?

    Is a handshake an intimate exchange? A pat on the back? A hug? Do you consider all sex intimate? What about an unilateral hug? Is it intimate? A kiss on the cheek? A kiss on the lips?
    For myself, I define physical intimacy broadly. A hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, are all physically intimate to me. Most forms of touching are. A handshake isn't to me. I still don't like them, but I recognize them as totally formal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    When are you physical intimate with someone, and what does it mean to you?
    I'm mysterious, I don't entirely understand how I work, myself.
    My self-observation has lead me to conclude that a wiliingness for physical intimacy requires a combined mix of trust, care, and attraction toward the other person.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Where do you draw the line of sexual intimacy. A kiss on the cheek to a lady friend is not regarded as sexual when greeting...but if you do that to a man, you get weird looks. Is it all culture-based?
    Yes, I would think it is culture based, and it also clearly differs between individuals to some extent.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Also, the polygyny thread made me think about the topic of polygamy and how it's frowned upon by society. Why is that? People are emotional and physically intimate with many people at the same time, why not sexually? What is so wrong about open relationships?
    Actually answering the question as to why it is frowned upon in this society would require me to write so much that I won't try in this post.

    I, personally, am emotionally and physically intimate with very few people.

    Other people can have open relationships if they want. I do not. I personally find the one-on-one focus, and the exceptional status, of monogamous relationships to be one of the biggest appeals of a relationship. If all romantic relationships were polygamous or polyamorous, I'd have no interest in romantic relationships at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Do you think you have a well-formed idea of when and why and how you choose to be intimate intimate with someone, or do you think it's closely tied to society's expectations of you?
    I can never be sure, and I feel like I'm often studying myself, but from all of my studying I feel like I have a pretty good idea of my mating and attraction habits. I think it has very little to do with social expectations for me. The biggest social factor in my case is my family, because I'm afraid of their judgement. However, I only fear it, I do not value it. If any opportunity came for me to be totally out of its reach, I'd say fuck them. Then I'd have pretty much zero social pressure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    And how closely related do you think physical intimacy is to emotional intimacy and where do you drawn the line that separates it from sexual intimacy?
    For me, there is a chain of priority. I can have emotional intimacy without the others, but I cannot have the others without emotional intimacy. I have a kind of on/off discrimination. Either I am or am not emotionally intimate with a person, and if I'm not, I hate touching that person. I've learned, just for social survival, to put up with some physical contact I otherwise do not want. Further more, if I am emotionally intimate with someone, that probably means I really want to be physically intimate with that person. It's very polarized.

    As we break down into sexual intimacy, it's the same thing. I can have physicaly intimacy without sexual intimacy, but not sexual intimacy without physical intimacy. Sex with a physical non-intimate is out of the question. And again, if I am physically intimate with someone, odds are, there is a strong drive for sexual intimacy. That can also be very inconvenient however, so I've tried to learn to hold that back for anyone that I can not and should not have a relationship with. But I essentially view sex as just being a greater form of physical affection.
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  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    How would you define physical intimacy between two people? What does intimacy mean to you?
    Its a touch that is driven by a romantic love. There are many types of hugs, not all are intimate. To me intimacy is physical. Its being able to talk with your hands, your mouth, your body.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Is a handshake an intimate exchange? A pat on the back? A hug? Do you consider all sex intimate? What about an unilateral hug? Is it intimate? A kiss on the cheek? A kiss on the lips?
    It all depends on the kiss, hug, etc. You can usually feel the emotion behind these things.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    When are you physical intimate with someone, and what does it mean to you?
    Its being able to talk with your hands, your mouth, your body.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Where do you draw the line of sexual intimacy. A kiss on the cheek to a lady friend is not regarded as sexual when greeting...but if you do that to a man, you get weird looks. Is it all culture-based?
    It is culture based, every once in awhile I will still kiss my dad on the cheek. My family is big on hugs also.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Also, the polygyny thread made me think about the topic of polygamy and how it's frowned upon by society. Why is that? People are emotional and physically intimate with many people at the same time, why not sexually? What is so wrong about open relationships?
    I dont think there is enough time in a day to devote to more than one marriage. Open relationships are hard because they are based alot on internal feelings and no one but you can be sure of your feelings.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Do you think you have a well-formed idea of when and why and how you choose to be intimate intimate with someone, or do you think it's closely tied to society's expectations of you? And how closely related do you think physical intimacy is to emotional intimacy and where do you drawn the line that separates it from sexual intimacy?
    Sexual intimacy is really dependent on a person. To me it becomes sexual when the intent is to turn someone on. Other then that physical intimacy could be a friendly back rub. It really depends on the way it is done really. A massage can range from empty feelings to erotic so not all touch is intimate. You can have a semi intimate back rub that is not sexual.

  7. #17
    Senior Member mockingbird's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Ditto.



    And what does, in your opinion, separate the two, in terms of intimacy? You can be deeply intimate on an emotional level with a friend. Physically too, if it's a "friends with benefits". So, what kind of intimacy is missing?
    I think if two people truly experience intimacy in their sexual encounters with each other, then they will not feel comfortable with introducing each other as merely, "my friend". I am mostly thinking about the attitude towards sex that certain women that I know express. The way they talk about their sexual encounters, it sounds as though they are just pleasure seeking and feel that sleeping with many men whom they continue to consider just friends is a fun, liberating experience. But is that a truly intimate experience? To me, intimacy in sex is not merely a friendly exchange of favors, but rather the abandoning of oneself to another, and that other in turn, abondoning themselves to the other. There is an ineffable bond created between the two that goes beyond mere sentiment and physical pleasure. At least, this is the kind of bond that I feel personally between me and my husband of ten years. When you find the right person, that person is far more valuable to you than all the sexual partners in the world. The intimacy only increases with every passing year.
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for all the replies people. In good P fashion it took me a while to reply

    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Depends on what you mean by a lot. Could you give an example?
    Well, people often say they share because the other person is special in some way. By a lot, I meant various. More than one. If more than one person exhibited the characteristics you feel are needed for you to share, would you, with them all?

    Really interesting view btw. I'm not sure I share it, but at least it's coherent


    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan
    Other people can have open relationships if they want. I do not. I personally find the one-on-one focus, and the exceptional status, of monogamous relationships to be one of the biggest appeals of a relationship. If all romantic relationships were polygamous or polyamorous, I'd have no interest in romantic relationships at all.
    Completely agreed. The exceptional status is certainly the whole appeal of it, for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan
    For me, there is a chain of priority. I can have emotional intimacy without the others, but I cannot have the others without emotional intimacy. I have a kind of on/off discrimination. Either I am or am not emotionally intimate with a person, and if I'm not, I hate touching that person. I've learned, just for social survival, to put up with some physical contact I otherwise do not want.
    What do you think that says about the connection between love and emotional intimacy though, and emotional VS phsyical? Shouldn't emotional intimacy be the most important and fundamental aspect in a relationship? Can't we love without physical intimacy? Isn't emotional intimacy much more important than that?

    Quote Originally Posted by poki
    Its a touch that is driven by a romantic love. There are many types of hugs, not all are intimate. To me intimacy is physical. Its being able to talk with your hands, your mouth, your body.
    So when you hug a friend, you consider it a intimate exchange since it's not driven by a romantic love? And, is all intimacy physical in your opinion?

    Quote Originally Posted by Star W
    To me, intimacy in sex is not merely a friendly exchange of favors, but rather the abandoning of oneself to another, and that other in turn, abondoning themselves to the other
    Well put, I agree. Do you think not all sex is intimate then?



    Also, a question for you all : Do you feel physical/sexual intimacy is needed in a relationship? I always think of the scenario of the person in the wheelchair and what that says about the capacity for that person to love another. What do you think?

  9. #19
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Well, people often say they share because the other person is special in some way. By a lot, I meant various. More than one. If more than one person exhibited the characteristics you feel are needed for you to share, would you, with them all?
    Honestly, I really don't know.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Also, a question for you all : Do you feel physical/sexual intimacy is needed in a relationship? I always think of the scenario of the person in the wheelchair and what that says about the capacity for that person to love another. What do you think?
    I'm thinking of the troubadours and the romantic letters they used to write to all the desperate castle wives of the medieval times. At least in their case, physical intimacy wasn't a requirement for romantic love. Relationships can survive without touch, but can they thrive and are they sustainable? I doubt it. Not over the long haul, not for the vast majority.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    So when you hug a friend, you consider it a intimate exchange since it's not driven by a romantic love? And, is all intimacy physical in your opinion?
    A hug is not always intimate. To me physical intimacy is when a message is passed within the contact. Its like if you have to say good bye to someone you care about or when you see someone and they hug you because they missed you. You can tell the emotion behind the hug, sometimes you have to know the person, other times you can just tell whats behind it. I guess it would fit the definition of romantic to a degree. I am still kinda lost in all the differences. They all just blend together all with different levels of intimacy, romantic, etc. I have never tried to categorize them until recently and understand all the different levels.

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