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  1. #31
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    I figure in any given setting, 5% of people might connect with me, 5% will really hate my guts, and 90% won't give a shit. So why worry?
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  2. #32
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think most INFJs find that they are often misperceived but in very different ways. I think for me it does matter because I care to some extent what people think, although sometimes it is just a source of amusement.
    I'm always curious how I am perceived, mostly because over time I have gotten feedback now and then (professional, as well as personal), and I am often quite surprised by it....and I have started to think others perceptions are more accurate than my own, seeing as I'm fairly self-critical to begin with.

    Well anyway...obviously I know who I am inside, and I know my thoughts and feelings and all of that...but as for how I come across to others, how am I possibly in a position to be objective about it? Only others are in a more objective framework in terms of commenting on my behaviors/mannerisms, etc. I am sometimes oblivious to some of that external, tangible stuff - which is why I am always curious what others think. (but again, obviously they're not in a position to know what's going on in my head and who I am at my core, unless I externalize that. And it's the manner of externalizing, and how that comes across to others, that I have no objective grasp of.)
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  3. #33
    Senior Member Gewitter27's Avatar
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    I am curious due to traumas I have suffered due to not knowing.

    I care, due to large amounts of trauma I have suffered through the common bullying putting sandpaper to my skin and wearing it down to a pitiful thickness.

    People's perceptions are very inaccurate, as people often get the idea that I am a narcissist when I have Major Depressive Disorder. Go figure.
    I 96% N 93% T 75% P 63% 5w4 sp/sx/so ILI
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    I'm interested in what you percieve me to be. Johari/Nohari

  4. #34
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Are you curious about what other people think of you?
    Mostly whom I care about. They have earned this right.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Do you care one way or the other? (Why or why not?)
    Friends: I'm very interested in listening to their feedback for personal and relational improvement.
    Strangers: Only when caring is crucial. Otherwise, I'm comfortable with doing things my way. It requires too much energy from me to be concerned without a purpose.

    This is what I wrote before:
    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    I can't see myself through someone else's lens because I place myself into their shoes to see their world.
    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Are their perceptions of you usually accurate?
    Friends: Yes. I reveal an incredible amount for them to know what I'm saying.
    Strangers: Often inaccurate. Sometimes, I feel burdened by how much modification I have to do in order to get my thoughts accurately perceived by the external world. I tend to see beyond the surface boundaries, and the environment can become constricting for those who are not naturally in-tune with it.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think most INFJs find that they are often misperceived but in very different ways.
    It happens to me on a frequent basis. I think it commonly occurs amongst INXXs (especially INJs) because they're seemingly disconnected from their immediate reality and thus, their outer image. (Ni: it's the best function to interact with externally. ) The difference between an INTJ and INFJ, in my experience, is that I hear these statements significantly more from the INFJs, and many have expressed their frustration towards this observation. I suppose it reveals their deep desire to connect with people.

    Example # 1

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperFob View Post
    Every single time I've met someone in real life who knew about MBTI, I was typed as ENTP, with a couple of ESFP exceptions. So it frustrates me that people never see me as what I really am, because I don't fit the image of the quiet, controlled INFJ.
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperFob View Post
    If I could meet one follower of MBTI in real life who would accurately type me as the INFJ that I am. Just one. Well... my life would be complete.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

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  5. #35
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    For me, it is not so much a popularity poll to know what people think of me. I find it informative to know how I come across to other people and if that matches with what I want people to come away knowing about me. I think I've always been interested in people's perceptions of just about anything, and seeing as I am a subject of interest to me, it is even more so. It also affords opportunities for growth as a person.

    Through dating an ESTJ, I discovered that people responded more warmly to him than to me because he was not afraid to "impose" himself on other people and assume that they wanted him around, make small talk with them, even invite himself (bearing food) over to their house to watch the game, etc. People who had known us for the same amount of time would issue invites through him to me for parties and so on and more often would talk to him. This used to frustrate me, especially since I put more work into maintaining those relationships, until I realized that it had to do with him sending very clear "we're already good friends" messages. Most people are unsure enough that they appreciate the overture.

    I learned a lot from that experience. I've always had a very strong inner editor and sometimes I think it has prevented me from coming off completely as who I really am to other people, for fear of imposing or looking foolish. I'm a warm and talkative person, but usually wait for others to approach me, unless it's very clear that they like having me around. Since taking some cues from his behaviour I have found it interesting to see how differently and positively people have responded. This is one of the benefits I see in paying attention to others' perceptions.

  6. #36
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kingfisher View Post
    i don't even pick up on that much.
    i never know what anybody thinks of me. i am always surprised when i find out. i am fine with it, i don't worry about it.

    sometimes i don't even know what i think about other people.
    i can't really gauge relationships. are we friends? i have no idea.
    +1

    It also means I don't have much of a perception of myself, I don't know how I come across.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

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  7. #37
    full of love Kingfisher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quinlan View Post
    It also means I don't have much of a perception of myself, I don't know how I come across.
    neither do i.
    but i never worry about what impression i'm giving off, or try to figure it out, because i don't feel like any amount of thinking leads me to an answer.
    it is kind of like magic armor. it protects me from self-doubt, and makes it much easier to be free and genuine.

  8. #38
    Your time is gonna come. Oom's Avatar
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    What does it mean to not know what you think of other people. I feel this way all of the time, but I still can't grasp why I feel that way. I care about the way I come across to other people, but I don't understand it. It's like being self aware but not being able to see the situation from a subjective view. My feelings about people are subject to change at all times.

    Anybody else feel this way?

  9. #39

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kingfisher View Post
    neither do i.
    but i never worry about what impression i'm giving off, or try to figure it out, because i don't feel like any amount of thinking leads me to an answer.
    it is kind of like magic armor. it protects me from self-doubt, and makes it much easier to be free and genuine.
    I'm like you and Quinlan. I really don't know what impression I'm giving off. I am curious though. It's been interesting on here to hear others impression of me. I have looked to see if that is true outside of this environment and it seems to be. In that way people here have done me a big favour.

    I don't reflect on peoples impression of me all the time though. I need to stop and focus on that and think about it. I suppose I can feel how others are responding to me but even then it is really bad if I stop and reflect on it. I think it is really bad to stop and reflect back on yourself in the moment.

  10. #40
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Are you curious about what other people think of you?
    Absolutely. Not sure why but I'm always interested in other's perceptions.
    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Do you care one way or the other? (Why or why not?)
    Yup I care. I don't always agree and sometimes I do write off certain opinions as just too far off base for one reason or another and file them as irrelevant but I most often remember them and will notice if a pattern emerges.
    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Are their perceptions of you usually accurate?
    According to the theories behind the Johari window their insights can be as accurate as my own, providing they are looking in the right places and understand me well enough. So for me, anyone and everyone's insight has the potential to be important. I do exercise some degree of moderation though, otherwise I'd be as schizophrenic as a forum!!

    A good recent example was about 8 days ago when an INTP who I've known for a while now said I was being "intellectually dishonest". Now as far as I knew I was being honest both in thought and word but I researched the term, asked other's advice and spent quite a bit of time thinking about it. I kind of knew it wasn't an accurate/ fair statement from the get go but I made sure to consider it (at points very seriously considering accepting that I am intellectually dishonest) before arriving roughly back where I started and finding that nothing except the language I use and the reasoning I have are is now more grounded and stronger than before.

    After all even though I disagreed at the time and kinda thought it was wrong anyway I'd be touching arrogance to dismiss it out of hand.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

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