# Thread: The best joke you ever heard?

1. Ask me if I am a tree.

2. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all jerks" and pours two beers.

3. Originally Posted by lamp
Ask me if I am a tree.
Are you a tree ?

4. Originally Posted by lamp
Ask me if I am a tree.
you are a tree

5. Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?

Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

6. Originally Posted by The Decline
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all jerks" and pours two beers.
Wow that's the first math joke that I've actually laughed at. Normally I hear the lame ones like:
Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

__________________

Anyway here is a joke I've found funny:

A man is walking along a beach in Hawaii when he stumbles over a bottle and a genie pops out of it.
Guy: "Wow a genie! Does this mean I get three wishes?"
Genie: "No way, not in this economy! You get one wish and that's it."
Guy: "Wow I get to make a wish! And it can be anything I want right?"
Genie: "Yeah that's right buddy. Anything you want. But make it snappy, because I don't got all day."
Guy: "Ok. I want you to build me a bridge from here to California."
Genie: "What? I'm not going to do that! Ask for something else. You know you only get one right? Go on and think of something else."
Guy: "Well in that case I want to understand women. I want to understand how they think and what makes them tick and everything."
Genie: "Hmmm...so...you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

7. Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner.

They both got down to business and wrote lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead.

When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures -- all kinds of bells and whistles.

God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, "I've got nothing, absolutely nothing! My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out. Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?"
God replied, "Everybody knows -- Jesus Saves."

8. Originally Posted by entropie
Are you a tree ?
No.

9. Not the best I've ever heard, but the best I've heard lately that I can actually remember...

What's red and smells like paint?

...

...

Red paint.

Yeah, it's short, simple, and stupid - but I'm occasionally easily amused .

10. Originally Posted by Elaur
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?

Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Ouh whats that dutch ?

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