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Thread: Personal space

  1. #31
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 01011010 View Post
    Especially, when a girl can get beaten up by her bf/husband in a crowded subway and everyone just looks away.

    That would be the day I stood by and watched a fella beat up a helpless woman.
    WTF is wrong with people?

  2. #32
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    sometimes eye contact is too intense to bear for more than a minute, because you read more from a person than you may want to at a given time or in a given situation. this is true for me and at least 2 of my female NF friends, i think. eye contact for people like us can also sometimes appear to be an invitation of some sort, when really it isn't..

    whether i look someone in the eye for 2 seconds or 2 hours depends on a lot of variables, but generally it's a comfort issue. i don't always want to pick up on someone's inner feelings or intentions, which eye contact seems to lead to for me, and i'm comfortable admitting i would prefer to encounter my own feelings over anothers' -in a casual setting at least, arrogant as that may sound...
    i guess i like to reserve prolonged eye contact for more intimate conversations with people i know.

    i do look people straight in the eyes if i think they are lying of have devious intent. it's a good way to figure it out, and sometimes it's also an effective way to communicate that you are aware of their bullshit and won't take it.

    i've also perfected a death stare.. mostly out of necessity. i'm kind of an ..unintimidating looking girl, to put it mildly, and i take public transit alone in a big city... once an older, drunken man sat right next to me when we were alone on the train car and tried to put his arm around me. he ignored my (verbal and physical) resistance and i had to get up and go into the next car to avoid him. i didn't feel threatened with violence but i did feel like this person took my friendly demeanor as some sort of exploitable female weakness. it really makes me angry in those situations, but i'm not a violent person at the core. staring like a psycho is easier than stabbing someone in the leg!

    i don't like feeling like i have to put up walls but it is a necessary ill in some situations.



    i don't think my being introverted or being a feeler has as much to do with my inclinations as do the natures of the people around me. i'm sensitive to the vibes others put out and i react according to them.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liminality View Post
    In my experience I'd say it's more related to insecurity or nervous tension, but generally of the people I know, I've not really noticed a correlation.
    I dunno about that. I'm a pretty insecure person, but when my friends (whom I am not insecure around) look me right in the eyes for more than a few seconds I get a little uncomfortable, so I look away. It's almost like they're staring too intently at me and it's just kind of awkward.

    What I do know is that people tend to not make eye contact when they're lying. I'm not saying I'm a liar though. >_>

  4. #34
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    What I do know is that people tend to not make eye contact when they're lying.
    Applying this theory makes you easier to lie to. Some people purposely maintain eye contact when lying because of the conventional wisdom that people look away at those times.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  5. #35
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    Very true. :P

  6. #36
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    Space is the greatest luxury.

    Fortunately I live in a designer city with tons and tons of space, even for the kangaroos.

    I took up sailing as it looked like you were sailing in unlimited space, but it turns out there is only limited space on a boat. So now I prefer to walk in the park beside the lake with the kangaroos and enjoy the sailboats in the distance.

    And being a designer city we have designer roads, so everyone drives. However we have an excellent bus service but very few passengers and so lots and lots of space. Sometimes coming home at night I will have a whole bus all to myself - and the driver too of course but no kangaroos - they won't let kangaroos on the buses.

    And we have libraries everywhere. Not only the National Library but libraries in the Universities and Colleges and in each Government Department. And all are open to the public and luxuriantly spacious. And the libraries are quite like the buses - so few people use them.

    And guess what, right next to the Bakery where I have coffee and croissant every morning, they are outfitting a pocket library, a storefront library, for Christmas. They are bringing a gift of space almost to my table in the sun. I will be able to waddle next door after coffee and luxuriate.

    But most interesting are the river corridors. For there are places where you can drive down to the river. And there, particularly on the weekend, you will find people. But if you walk down to a place on the river where there is no road, then from one day to the next, from one week to the next, you will find not a soul. There is so much space the wombats play on the banks and the platypus swim in the river. And I sit there dreaming, my eyes on the Brindabella Mountains in the blue distance.

    But the strangest thing is that a spacecraft is the most cramped environment imaginable. You'd think a spacecraft would be full of space yet there they are hanging in the blackness of space, the Sun 93 million miles away, and yet they barely have room to scratch themselves. Yes, being in a spacecraft is like being in a sailboat - there is not even room to swing a cat.

    Yes, space is the greatest luxury and perhaps the most difficult to appreciate as space is actually nothing. So how can we appreciate nothing? First by appreciating its absence as in a sailboat or a spacecraft. And second by sharing it with the wombats, platypus and kangaroos and me.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    How much do you need? Do you think it's related to type?

    I need a lot of it. Often when people are talking to me, they feel as if they need to be right in front of my face. I also have an issue with direct eye contact. Some people feel the need to be staring intently at me all the time while they're right in front of my face. I need my space people. Back up please. :/

    I'm guessing it's an introvert/extravert thing.
    I second the eyes thing. I usually have darting eye syndrome when talking to someone (especially someone I like) aka I'm looking everywhere except into your eyes while speaking to you...it unnerves people who don't know me but those close to me accept it as one of my weird quirks... I am trying to get better though!

  8. #38
    Your time is gonna come. Oom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nyx View Post
    I second the eyes thing. I usually have darting eye syndrome when talking to someone (especially someone I like) aka I'm looking everywhere except into your eyes while speaking to you...it unnerves people who don't know me but those close to me accept it as one of my weird quirks... I am trying to get better though!
    True for me too. I tend to not even think of looking at anyone's eyes when I'm talking to them. I wont stare down at the ground, but I'll quickly glance off of your eyes at something else. If I'm preoccupied doing something like being on the computer, I'll talk to people while staring at the screen.

    I used to be very skittish. I couldn't ever look at people because it scared me. Now that I've grown up without that skill I find it weird to look at people in the eyes for more than 5 seconds. It's a conscious effort on my part and it feels unnatural.

  9. #39
    Senior Member Chunes's Avatar
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    I need a lot of personal space. A lot.
    "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see."
    Thoreau

  10. #40
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    A need for personal space is why flying sucks so much. I always end up next to the most loud-mouthed and smarmy salesman in the airport.

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