When I give, I give with no thought of return.
Jesus taught to give and not expect return from the person to whom you give.
I find this quite easy to do.
St. Paul taught that whatever good I do for someone, God will do for me, so in fact when I give to a person, it is God who is indebted to me, not that person.
That is MY philosophy of life, anyway.
I surely can't be the only human on the face of the earth who thinks that way.
I agree, but it's also possible that person has so internalized it, that he knows he is a person who gives freely with no thought of return or keeping an account.When "generosity" becomes so internalized that one is no longer aware of his use of it as a tool and, in fact, has incorporated it into his very identity, it can be dangerous. ...
I am personally acquainted with what you are saying here. My mother - ISTJ - is an incredibly generous person. She has given me thousands and thousands of dollars over the years. I guess if I felt loved by my mother, it would have come across differently, but whenever she gave me money, I felt controlled by her.This also demonstrates what I will, for the purposes of this post, refer to as "militant generosity": generosity towards others, their desires be damned. "Generosity" has become so internalized that one spreads it like a net, and people who genuinely prefer not to be on the receiving end of it are seen as nothing more than:
Ask yourself in full honesty: if someone towards whom you'd shown exceptional generosity over a number of years one day began to reject your generosity, would not a part of you think, "You ungrateful son of a bitch"? If he began to exercise self-sufficiency and really began to get his act together, would not a part of you think, "Oh yeah, well, you'd better remember all I did for you in these past years"?
While these thoughts would not, of course, be representative of your entire conscious self, would they not arise from the same corner of your mind that you could envision conjuring the thought, "How dare you! I own you"?
While I'm not going to say that generosity is always wrong and to be avoided, it's of the utmost importance to bear in mind the indebtedness it carries with it. Hence I think it is often wise to be wary of people who've lost sight of this to the point of considering themselves "generous by nature".
Her generosity was actually bad for me because I didn't learn the value of a dollar until I was 28 years old! My mother was always bailing me out! And I let her! It took great determination and force of will for my husband and I to stop relying on my mother so much. Her "gift" came with disrespect. She would insult me with "Why don't you get a job?" when I had chosen a simpler life so that I could raise my children. My mother just has different priorities in life than I do.
If we borrow money from my mom, we make sure we pay back every cent, because she will use it as an excuse to dis us any time she wants to.
So yeah, I see your point, but not everyone is that way.