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  1. #21
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I understand what you're saying completely. I was actually referring to a few people above you who had more extreme views on the matter.
    Ditto.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #22
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    Hah, coincidental post order I guess.
    The probability that I was procrastinating when I was typing this post:

    P(have big assignment due) = 0.6
    P(posting on TypoC) = 0.2
    P(having big assignment due | posting on TypoC) = 0.7

    P(posting on TypoC | having big assignment due) = .......


    Eh, I'll finish it later.

  3. #23
    Phantonym
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    There shouldn't be any dependence from both the parents and the children when they're able to be responsible for themselves as adults.

    I believe it is the responsibility of the children to look after their parents when they're unable to look after themselves when they're elderly just as the parents are responsible to raise the children. But this shouldn't be thought of as an obligation and until the parents get to that stage in their lives (either old age or a severe illness), there shouldn't be anything forced.

    Devoting one's life to somebody is slavery and expecting something like that from anybody is blackmail. People with healthy emotional state will never lower themselves to that kind fo behaviour. Fortunately, my parents are reasonable people and I have a mind of my own, I won't be subjected to blackmail but I still feel the responsibility to look after them in their old age. I think it's the right thing to do, there's nothing negative about it for me, so I guess I do owe them that.

  4. #24
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    A swift kick in the ass with a frozen boot, and I think my father would agree with me...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #25
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    If I feel like it, I'll be grateful. I don't think I have any obligation though.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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    INTP. Type 1>6>5. sx/sp.
    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  6. #26
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    I don't think anything is owed to them. They chose to bring you into the world and to accept the responsibility for it. You didn't make that same choice in regards to them.

    But if it warms your heart to help, by all means, do it. Just don't try to torture your heart into feeling something it doesn't.

  7. #27
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Simple question: As we grow up, what responsibilities do we have towards our parents?

    A more specific question, if you choose to answer it: If your parent(s) expect you to devote their life to them, since they raised you, are you obligated?
    If you a parent "expects you to devote your life to them" that parent has co-dependency issues.

    The job of a parent is to teach a child to be independent.

    There is a point where you no longer have to "obey" your parents, but I think if they ask for your help, and it's in your power to help them, it would be honoring to them for you to do so. But that is not the same as letting them walk rough-shod all over you and not letting you have your own life.

  8. #28
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    I don't think anything is owed to them. They chose to bring you into the world and to accept the responsibility for it. You didn't make that same choice in regards to them.

    But if it warms your heart to help, by all means, do it. Just don't try to torture your heart into feeling something it doesn't.
    I'm Magic Poriferan and I endorse this post.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  9. #29
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Simple question: As we grow up, what responsibilities do we have towards our parents?

    A more specific question, if you choose to answer it: If your parent(s) expect you to devote their life to them, since they raised you, are you obligated?
    We have no 'obligations' towards them. I love my folks and would gladly do anything to help them and ensure they have happy lives but nobody is obliged to devote their lives to anyone (except children you have brought into your life and even then it is to ensure their well-being). Parents don't devote their whole lives to their children either - they have their own lives, as they should.

    The responsibilities we take on towards our families (parents, siblings, grandparents) should arise not from obligation. That only breeds resentment and can be hardly be good for anyone but hopefully because they are 'loved ones'. This includes looking out for them in any way possible and ensuring their happiness.

    You only get to devote your life to yourself. It's also a matter of sequence, in my view. You have to put your oxygen mask on for yourself first - then help everyone around you. You'd be of better service to more people.

  10. #30
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    It's my understanding that parents have children for many reasons. Speaking specifically of good parents (as bad parents I would definitely go with Athenian's style of attitude and do everything case-by-case), if they have an unplanned child they raise it because it's the right thing to do. If it's planned, it could be to carry on the family name and leave the world with something of theirs, natural instincts to start a family, etc.. There's many reasons why.

    That being said, a child is it's own person. You should act the way you were raised to act as best as you can without sacrificing who you are. In the end, parents that are good parents should want to see their child happy.

    I struggle a lot with cutting this cord to my parents.. My dad has specific plans, and he wants me a part of them. He always wants to plan things in a way where I remained as attached and a part of the family as possible (getting me to help with the company, getting me to learn how he does things with the family business, living at home to help around the house, etc.) while I oblige these as best I can, and I certainly make my family a priority... I'm no sales person. I am not a facialist, and I don't care to know anything about skin care outside of what's good for my particular skin. Taking over the family business is not something I see for myself in the future.

    How well we handle this goes day by day.. but eventually, I know when my dad sees I am successful, happy, and doing well for myself, that the importance of these qualities will exceed his desire for me to walk in his shoes. They're too big for me anyways.
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