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  1. #11
    Senior Member Feops's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Simple question: As we grow up, what responsibilities do we have towards our parents?

    A more specific question, if you choose to answer it: If your parent(s) expect you to devote their life to them, since they raised you, are you obligated?
    I don't think that a child is born obligated to assist one's parents as the parents are obligated to assist the child. The child had little choice in the matter.

    That said, as I see it, the entire family relationship (not just parent-child) is something of a web. Each link supports one another. If your family web is strong and healthy there is an expectation that everyone will put in their fair share, and in return each person enjoys substantial security (emotional, financial, etc). But if enough links in the web fail to pitch in it all falls apart.

  2. #12
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    No. I have a rule that when someone does something for you without ever checking that you wanted it, you don't owe them for it. That rule applies here. Nobody asked me if I wanted to be born. After I was born, nobody asked me if I wanted to be raised the way I was. It was all done out of presumption, by people that really did it because they wanted kids, not because they wanted anything for me, and individual that could not be known for he did not exist.

    In other words, it was their purchase to make, theirs to pay for.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  3. #13
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I don't see devoting your life to your parents as an obligation. A parent who expects that has a twisted, self-centered view (I highly doubt they did the same or else how did they manage to raise children?). Parents should desire that their children build their own life, as they built their own life.

    That said, unless your parents were unforgivably, horrifically abusive, I think basic respect and honor is due. Caring for them when ill or old seems part of that, but that doesn't mean doing it all yourself. Managing arrangements and paying them attention seems adequate. A lot of this is just basic human decency, IMO - you care for people's welfare, especially your own, and don't abandon them in times of need. I don't see any excuse to neglect parents that are overall decent human beings, even if they didn't deserve a parent of the year award.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #14
    Senior Member syckkz's Avatar
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    Personally.. I think that it's only right that when my parents get to a certain age where they can't take care of themselves.. that's when I would step in and take care of them.

    That's just me though.. they wiped my butt when I couldn't.. I'll wipe theirs when they can't too.
    “Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not.”

  5. #15
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    Depends on how they raised you. My parents raised me (generally) very well, and have shown themselves to be very good people. Because of that, I feel that I owe them some sort of appreciation / help in their lives.

    However, parents that -remind- their kids how much they "sacrificed" for them, how much they've given them, how the the kids would be nothing without the parents, etc really piss me off. The way I see it: I never choose to be born. I didn't make you have a kid, and I didn't make you raise me. You did so out of your own free-will, knowing full well what would be expected of you and what you should have been prepared to sacrifice and change in your life. Forcing help upon someone, and then trying to manipulate them with guilt because of it, is behavior of an emotionally unhealthy person.

    I choose to help my parents when I can, and respect them, because I feel that they really went above-and-beyond for me. They did things that didn't necessarily "come with the contract" of having a kid, so I feel morally obligated to repay them in some way and to some degree. I want to see my parents happy, so I try and make that happen, even through minor actions.

    Parents that try and extract or expect help from their kids so much that it interferes with the kid's lives though, are messed up IMO.
    The probability that I was procrastinating when I was typing this post:

    P(have big assignment due) = 0.6
    P(posting on TypoC) = 0.2
    P(having big assignment due | posting on TypoC) = 0.7

    P(posting on TypoC | having big assignment due) = .......


    Eh, I'll finish it later.

  6. #16
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    I see a combination of responses that I agree with here.

    1) Parents deserve what they raised (good one, I totally agree)

    2) If they were nice to you, be nice to them; if they abused or neglected you, ignore them

    3) Parents who expect their children to devote their lives to them are selfish and mentally unbalanced. It's one thing to expect help from adult children in old age, but entirely another for a still middle-aged and independent parent to expect his or her grown son or daughter to sacrifice their own family, career, or what have you, just to be mom or dad's servant/buddy/perma-baby to pal around with. I know a woman who does this to her son, and I'd like to beat her in the face with a frying pan.

    I do however disagree with the notion that they chose to have you and you didn't choose to be born, so you don't owe them anything, unless the case is that they beat you, molested you, severely neglected you. If your parents were reasonably decent parents to you, it seems cruel and selfish to not return the favor when they become elderly and helpless.

  7. #17
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I do however disagree with the notion that they chose to have you and you didn't choose to be born, so you don't owe them anything, unless the case is that they beat you, molested you, severely neglected you. If your parents were reasonably decent parents to you, it seems cruel and selfish to not return the favor when they become elderly and helpless.
    I agree with this....the attitude of "I didn't choose to be born" simply seems like a negative perspective. You could also choose to see it as "My parents gave me the gift of life" and "I wouldn't exist if not for them".
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #18
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I do however disagree with the notion that they chose to have you and you didn't choose to be born, so you don't owe them anything, unless the case is that they beat you, molested you, severely neglected you. If your parents were reasonably decent parents to you, it seems cruel and selfish to not return the favor when they become elderly and helpless.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I agree with this....the attitude of "I didn't choose to be born" simply seems like a negative perspective. You could also choose to see it as "My parents gave me the gift of life" and "I wouldn't exist if not for them".
    That's not exactly the context I was going for.

    I didn't mean to say that because my parents choose to have me, that I feel no obligations to them. I definitely do, and I don't think that just because I was born unwillingly means that I'm free from those obligations.

    What I was more trying to say is that parents shouldn't purposely remind their kids of everything they do for the kids to extract help. Most kids feel a natural sense of obligation to help their parents and support their family, and most parents know this. Parents who bring it up intentionally are pretty much trying to use guilt manipulation on their kid to get what they want. (Obviously there are extreme scenarios in which parents have to deal with little brats, but the general principle I'm going for should be clear).

    The words in that paragraph were directed towards parents who would do this, not all parents in-general.

    Do you see what I was going for more clearly?
    The probability that I was procrastinating when I was typing this post:

    P(have big assignment due) = 0.6
    P(posting on TypoC) = 0.2
    P(having big assignment due | posting on TypoC) = 0.7

    P(posting on TypoC | having big assignment due) = .......


    Eh, I'll finish it later.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cenomite View Post
    That's not exactly the context I was going for.

    I didn't mean to say that because my parents choose to have me, that I feel no obligations to them. I definitely do, and I don't think that just because I was born unwillingly means that I'm free from those obligations.

    What I was more trying to say is that parents shouldn't purposely remind their kids of everything they do for the kids. Most kids feel a natural sense of obligation to help their parents and support their family, and most parents know this. Parents who bring it up intentionally are pretty much trying to use guilt manipulation on their kid to get what they want. (Obviously there are extreme scenarios in which parents have to deal with little brats, but the general principle I'm going for should be clear).

    The words in that paragraph were directed towards parents who would do this, not all parents in-general.
    I understand what you're saying completely. I was actually referring to a few people above you who had more extreme views on the matter.

  10. #20
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    Ahhh ok, must've grazed over those posts
    The probability that I was procrastinating when I was typing this post:

    P(have big assignment due) = 0.6
    P(posting on TypoC) = 0.2
    P(having big assignment due | posting on TypoC) = 0.7

    P(posting on TypoC | having big assignment due) = .......


    Eh, I'll finish it later.

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