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  1. #1
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Default Can you 'just forget' bad memories?

    So we was chatting away (me and my mum) on Monday (it was her birthday) about men and the good times we had had.
    Then the mood went sombre and she started talking about the not so good stuff. I told her i only remembered one really bad incident with my stap father (no2) and she told me there were so many more with him being violent around us children and reeled them off to me. Honestly i can't remember a thing of it.

    She told of a huge argument we had one time and i didn't talk to her for 3 days. Apparantly she came to the hostel where i was staying, put a letter under the door and fell into a stoop and started crying. I eventually opened the door and she hugged me. Again, can't remember this.

    She told me about one more incident several years ago regarding my now ex, i am not going into detail over this one but its very sad. I found something apparantly, rang my mum crying my heart out, she came and saw it for herself and consoled me. I don't remember this incident. So i don't even remember what the outcome of it was.

    So i went to bed early this morning trying to remember where i was at those moments, the layout of the house, an idea of how i would of been feeling and tried to trigger these memories. Nothing.

    My ex used to bring up arguments of the past and for the most part i couldn't even remember the argument. On occasions, i could turn round and say 'No, i didn't say that, i said, blah, blah, blah'.

    The thing is, i have a great memory. I still know my full address from 16 years ago. I know everyone's birthday/anniversary etc. This though is really perplexing me.

    Shit happens, i know this. But where are these memories? Can you just forget? If i have repressed them, why can't i get them back?
    I know you may possibly 'forget' for a reason. Shouldn't i be able to raise these memories should i choose.

    Has this happened to you?

    Thoughts please.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  2. #2
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    You're right in that I've had a lifetime of bad experiences. That's why I'm so tough, I developed those defenses over many years. Not my parents fault though. It's extremely easy for me to forgive, forget and move on. I'm also pretty good at reading peoples good or bad intent. If a person's intent is genuinely good, I will see it--eventually.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Same here. I am a tough little nut.

    But you haven't answered my questions though.

    Have you just forgotten? If they are supposed to be our memories, then why can't we have them? I have already been told about them, i apparantly witnessed it first hand. It's like i have been cheated out of something.
    Pfft.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #4
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    It's called memory repression, and sometimes it just happens naturally without any conscious intervention.

  5. #5
    (☞゚∀゚)☞ The Decline's Avatar
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    Note that repression only forces said memory into the subconscious.

    What goes down must come up...
    "Stop it, you fuck. Give him some butter."
    Ti
    = Ne > Ni > Fi > Te > Se > Fe > Si INTP (I/PNT) 5w4

  6. #6
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    As an N, my most important memories are my insight of events, not the events themselves. I sometimes recognize a black spot in my insight about something, realizing, now here's a discontinuity. Things were going on like this and this, this would be in line with it, <blank>, now I think this way. Blank? "Perfectly good things happened at blank."

    These would be the start of my mood swings, which haven't occured much lately.

    I just talked to my female friend how all understanding is a selective interpretation of events. Understanding and noticing every damned photon that hit your optical nerve wouldn't be "recognition". Making an analysis, synthesis and an abstract - summary - is closer to understanding. So I'd think with noticing something, comes dismissing something as well - some of which you pay attention only after someone pointing out you've missed something. Now what's missed and what's noticed, that's something not to be evaluated easily.

    I'd think of why you feel it's forgotten and why someone feels it's something to remember.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Alright, well that is something to ponder over.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  8. #8
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    No, I can't at least. Si is both good and bad. The bad part is memories, even the negative ones, could stay with you for a long time, even forever. Sure, you can block it out of your mind enough, but you cannot forget it.

    The great part about Si is remembering positive experiences, and also remembering things for tests and such.

    If I try, I can remember so much detail about real past experiences - where I was when something was going on, who I was with, what was going on, and the detailed parts, too.

    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    The thing is, i have a great memory. I still know my full address from 16 years ago. I know everyone's birthday/anniversary etc. This though is really perplexing me.
    I'm the same way.

  9. #9
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I forget everything unless I think about it over and over and "press" it into my memory. I've gotten better over the years with memory but I think it's just because I found a coping mechanism (thinking over the memory, over and over)

  10. #10
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    It's called memory repression, and sometimes it just happens naturally without any conscious intervention.
    They say that bad memories are repressed. But the evidence is that we find it difficult to forget bad memories.

    However one thing we do know is that memory is not only unreliable, it is very unreliable. You only have to attend a trial and listen to the witnesses give very different accounts of the very same action.

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