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  1. #1
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Default What Do U Wish U Knew from Age 20-35?

    Hello all,

    I'm 35.
    I moved away from home at 20 and haven't looked back since.

    Life has been grand overall, some totally unexpected wonderful moments, a menagerie of things gone wrong, a slew of surprises one way or another, but overall a lovely flow of events that I now sit back and reflect on as I have a few weeks to do so before it starts again...

    There's alot I wish I knew then but didn't.

    I'm sure some of the wise ones in my life tried to tell me things in advance, but I was unreachable because, well I knew everything, and it was not my time to listen to them.

    There's alot I figured out on my own too. Some of it was awfully painful, and boy I remember those lessons second by second, and some was very enlightening simply by having an expectation of how something was supposed to go and then being quite surprised by what life determined what was appropriate to offer...

    So what have you learned that you wish you knew then?

    What do you wish to tell those younger than you to give them a chance to be wiser, or save them a little grief?

    What would you do over differently?

    And most importantly what would you do the same everytime because you nailed it?

    I'm leaving this open for now.

    I'll add my list as the thread travels on...

    Cheers!

    -Alex

    TOPIC IDEAS:
    ---------------
    (1) Education
    (2) Money
    (3) Dating
    (4) Friends
    (5) Parents
    (6) Stupid Mistakes
    (7) Legal Issues
    (8) Health
    (9) Jobs
    (10) Whatever You Think Good to Add!

  2. #2
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm not quite 35, but some things I wish I had known:

    Don't try to please or engage much in conversation with someone who needs to have the last word. You will never please them, and the exchange will be frustrating to you both.

    How RRSPs worked (and financial things generally), how to do my own taxes.

    How to distinguish between insecurity manifested so that it looks strong, and what true confidence looks like in other people.

    How to detach my feelings so that I did not get as stressed about what other people said or did when they were unreasonable.

    How to be more direct in stating what I needed, as well as my thoughts or opinions. Doing it before I actually felt resentful.

    Approach people first! Put other's needs or the possibility of friendship ahead of my own fear of them not liking me. Sometimes people need you worse than they'd let on. I suppose that is unselfishness, even though most would think of it in that way exactly. Still working on that, but getting better.

    To get more comfortable befriending people not comfortable in English who were new to the country, or even just English speakers who have recently moved from somewhere. It took several moves myself as well as involvement with teaching ESL for me to realize how hard it is when you don't have a circle of people around you.

    Rejection of yourself as a friend or a SO sometimes has nothing to do with you at all and a lot to do with the other person.

    Most communication problems are simply a result of a lack of information. If you meet someone that you don't hitch well with immediately, or who is making your life difficult, get to know them better.

    Everyone that you meet has something to teach you, whether it is from their attributes, or their weaknesses. Also, everyone is an expert in something. Part of the fun and usefulness of interacting is finding out how to tap into those areas so you become smarter, you have access to what they know without having to research it yourself, and so that you can mutually benefit each other. Think about what you have to offer a friendship or acquaintanceship in return. Even one time meetings like catching a cab, can turn into something interesting and useful if you look for what the other person could tell you that you don't know.

    Insatiable curiosity about the world is irresistible in a person.

    Get to know some T types that can help you with your technological woes!

    Have an overall plan of neutrals and accent items when you buy a wardrobe, instead of a bunch of individual things you like which don't go together. It's so nice to have lots of options and all of them easily make you look pulled together. (Still mastering this).

    Tweezers are a good thing as long as you don't go overboard. Curly hair needs styling products (why didn't anyone tell me this in the 90s?) and don't brush it!

    Character, confidence and communication skills are the three main factors that determine success in nearly any area of life. Insecurity is like a poison that needs irradicating.

    Hmm need to think more, then I'll finish up the other questions.

  3. #3
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    ^WOW! Nice start to this thread! Thank you so much.

    Right now, what's on my mind if I think waaaaay back is:

    (1) How credit cards and interest worked...against me!

    (2) How to buy a GOOD car (reliable,safe,holds value,etc.) instead of a GOOD LOOKING car.

    (3) How to budget my money. I made $_._ _ per hour. I worked "X" hours per week. "Y" percent of my gross check went to taxes. My NET check was going to be. My BILLS were "ZZZ.zz" and were due MM/DD/YYYY. :horor:

    (4) Why I had champagne tastes and how to manage them.

    (5) To buy quality things ONCE, instead of JUNK time and time again!

    (6) To build a CLASSIC wardrobe that would carry you through the seasons of many years instead of wasting $$$$$ buying silly cool stuff season by season. (I actually did OK here after a few years of screwing up, but still!)

    (7) Did a better job of education/career planning. I did not know myself AT ALL (MBTI, Enneagram, Type A/B, Right Brain/Left Brain, Etc.) and I mis-fired a few times...

    More later...

  4. #4
    Senior Member run's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post

    Everyone that you meet has something to teach you, whether it is from their attributes, or their weaknesses. Also, everyone is an expert in something. Part of the fun and usefulness of interacting is finding out how to tap into those areas so you become smarter, you have access to what they know without having to research it yourself, and so that you can mutually benefit each other. Think about what you have to offer a friendship or acquaintanceship in return. Even one time meetings like catching a cab, can turn into something interesting and useful if you look for what the other person could tell you that you don't know.
    I think this perspective tends to give us an overambitious attitude towards life. I can't live or enjoy life if I'm always thinking about how I can be a better person.

  5. #5
    Senior Member miked277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    I think this perspective tends to give us an overambitious attitude towards life. I can't live or enjoy life if I'm always thinking about how I can be a better person.
    depends on the person, whether this attitude is rewarding or not. some enjoy continual self-improvement, some don't.

    without meaning to sound self-congratulatory, i enjoy trying to make myself better at life.
    I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.

  6. #6
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    I think this perspective tends to give us an overambitious attitude towards life. I can't live or enjoy life if I'm always thinking about how I can be a better person.
    I'm the 100% opposite. I think it's just one of those neutral things that "just is" about some people.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  7. #7
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    It's not really a consciously thought out thing so much as the process of being able to shift your attention from how you think and feel (as you gain more confidence) to how others do. I think it makes other people more interesting and they also respond warmly. Life is more fun because you get to experience more things.

    Now, what on your list?

  8. #8
    Senior Member run's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think it makes other people more interesting and they also respond warmly. Life is more fun because you get to experience more things.

    Now, what on your list?
    That's a good point.

    I'm 20.

    edit: I wish I wasn't so afraid of change.

  9. #9
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    edit: I wish I wasn't so afraid of change.
    Good one!

    One thing is for sure.

    The only thing in life that iguaranteed (other than death and taxes) is CHANGE.

    You will learn to embrace change as you get older.

    In fact, my preferred mode of dealing with it is to create the change I WANT to happen and be at peace when the plan comes to fruition.

    For instance, finding a better job before you quit, get fired, or the place you are working for goes out of business. It's always best to leave the party while you are still having fun.

    Even unexpected change can be relatively easy to deal with, it's all about attitude.

  10. #10
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    Halla you have some great stuff here!

    Delayed gratification is the sweetest gift you can give yourself.

    Death is a guarantee - but when you loose someone important to you it will turn your world upside down. Find ways to say "I love you" and make NOW count.

    All relationships end in pain - the good as well as the bad - so don't let it stand in the way of what happiness you can find.

    There isn't much I wouldn't do all over again given the opportunity other than help my husband put our old cat down when it was time. Yes, I learned something - leave that sort of stuff to someone else...

    FWIW I'm 42

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