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  1. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    LOL. I'm totally okay with someone thinking my post has too many words, because I value the freedom to come up with such opinions myself and not have the other person take it personally. [edit:] I think it demonstrates more caring to give someone that freedom.

    (^^that there is a briefest summation possible of my earlier post.)
    I agree with what you mean with the caring. It's interesting how you both come at it from the other person angle. I'll always come from me as the centre of everything. It's just the way I can control and understand that.

    Your posts are long. Remind of Fidelia's and a few others. Both are full of useful stuff, but my mind turns off and I start skimming. It takes me ages to work through long posts. Maybe put a picture in halfway down or something. : )

  2. #12
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    For me, not caring or worrying what people 'think' just comes down to not caring about what I cannot truly know. Someone can tell me what their opinion of me is and I can work with how I feel about it, but I can't care about what they think because the thoughts inside their heads are left only to my imagination. To me it means "Don't devote time and emotional energy to something you can only guess at, don't waste time trying to know the unknowable". To me it means not letting myself get carried away with my ideas of what thoughts are in someone else's head about me. Not saying I don't still do it from time to time if I like someone or am hoping to get hired for a job, etc., but I try to nip it in the bud.

    I certainly care about what people tell me about how they feel about me or how they perceive me when they tell me about it. I grew up in a silent, passive-aggressive sort of family where no one told you how they felt or what they thought, but would cut you off or stop talking to you if you did something that offended them. This lead to years of agonizing over what they might be thinking, like desperately trying to solve a riddle with few clues. It was a horrible experience of relationships to put it lightly. I would think I figured it out, and then if I ever managed to get one of them to talk, I was often completely off-base. When I got older, I realized I had to stop doing that sort of stuff. I taught myself to invest more of my time and energy in the things people openly expressed to me, rather than trying to project what they were thinking and exhausting myself over it.

    I think that's the crux of the meaning when people say "Don't care/worry about what other people think about you". I think it mainly means 'Don't make yourself sick thinking you're telepathic enough to ever know what goes on inside the heads of others".

    I think in some cases, like trying to get a good job or making a speech, it's required in our society to be cognizant of image and all that. But even then, instead of freaking out about the unknowable thoughts of others it's just best to form a plan based around logic and stick to it. Being prepared, knowing what the job requires and making a point to showcase those particular qualifications, etc. I mean, I don't think anyone is above being nervous and emotionally skittish with interviews and such, I just mean when you leave there it can be tantamount to torture to then sit and think of all the infinite possibilities of what they 'thought' of you.

    I think it's particularly hard for those of us who are innately wired to be in tune with the well being of others around us before we're focused on ourselves. I still struggle with this, but I remind myself that I can only work with what I'm given and cannot be expected to be a mind-reader. I'm very preoccupied with the comfort and emotional state of others, but I've learned to base this around what people openly tell me and express through body language rather than fussing over their potential thoughts.
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  3. #13
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    To me the terms "caring what others think" and "worrying what others think" seem very similar, almost like they could used synonymously. I guess the difference is worrying what others think, has a more negative connotation, like someone whose cares *too much* what others think or cares what others think for more selfish reason rather than just caring about the others' well-being.
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  4. #14
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    For me, I wouldn't call it 'caring'...possibly 'considering' what other people think of me though would be a better term for it. I take into consideration that someone thinks I'm cool, or that I'm a bitch, or whatever they think of me. I don't just ignore it completely, as I'm not one who is able to ignore people, unless I can't hear them. If someone thinks something negative of me, I'll try to think of what I could've said or done that made them think of me in such a way. If I did do/say something, then they have a right to their own opinion of me, as I do of them. If I can't think of anything that I possibly did, I'll ask them, and if their reason isn't legitimate (for example, they heard from someone from someone else that someone else said that I said etc.) then I don't consider what they think of me at all to be legitimate, and that they're bored with their life or something.

  5. #15
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    /did not read whole thread.

    I have lots of considerations on this topic. I try to adjust my level of caring, tweaking it back until I'm just a bit happy.

    If I care too much, then I might feel suicidal and ignore my personal health in all out martyrdom to reach the goal. Then if there is any failure, I get very depressed.

    On the other hand, if I'm too mystical all the way, then maybe I'd lose all motivation and fade away into the forest and starve to death...though I'd probably be happy.

    I guess, I trim it back (if I can) just to the point where I'm "motivated", but not "suicidal." Indeed, if I can keep it just a bit on the happy side of caring, then I think that's where I want to be.

  6. #16
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Control what you can which is you. Don't waste time trying to control what you can't and that's others.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    I'm inclined to believe that most people who proclaim how little they care for the opinions of others are generally full of shit. While I will say I think the amount of stock we invest in it personally is relative to each person, to a certain extent we all give it some varying amount of credence. Society even rears us to care about our reputations through it's usage of a seemingly infinite amount of labels that can be attached to us whether we chose to adhere or decline the societal norms and expectations.

  8. #18
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stigmata View Post
    I'm inclined to believe that most people who proclaim how little they care for the opinions of others are generally full of shit. While I will say I think the amount of stock we invest in it personally is relative to each person, to a certain extent we all give it some varying amount of credence. Society even rears us to care about our reputations through it's usage of a seemingly infinite amount of labels that can be attached to us whether we chose to adhere or decline the societal norms and expectations.
    This is interesting. It touches on the difference between Fe and Fi and other cognitive functions.

    Perhaps the degree of caring and how it's processed affects how the individual handles the situation. Some Fi users will only care about their inner circle. Others will be more inclined to battle to the death over external perception of self. But Fe users in general, appear to care more since they use external input as a self barometer.

  9. #19
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Perhaps the degree of caring and how it's processed affects how the individual handles the situation. Some Fi users will only care about their inner circle. Others will be more inclined to battle to the death over external perception of self. But Fe users in general, appear to care more since they use external input as a self barometer.
    I'd guess instinct variant would have a bigger influence on this than Fe/Fi.
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  10. #20
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I'd guess instinct variant would have a bigger influence on this than Fe/Fi.
    That's a fine tune that I don't disagree with although Fe/Fi will have impact, particularly as dom or aux functions.

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