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  1. #181
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    It is possible that the person who makes that statement could mean "we can't solve this problem until you settle down" or "yes that is a problem, but what is constructive about getting upset about it". Those are good statements, but it would be more direct and efficient to say those statements rather than simply "you are too emotional".
    This is very good advice and it does work with people who are rational beings. One thing I've wondered, though - is there ever a time when this sort of response sounds patronizing? I would like to avoid the air of condescension that some people associate with NTs.

  2. #182
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    In debate, it is best to leave any mention of a person's emotional state out unless you wish to incite further reaction.

    Isn't that what you have been doing here. Trying to incite further reactions by disecting everything Jenocyde has said and not just taking her word for it.

    I know now that people don't behave the same way as me and i accept it. I don't need to question their logic. My ENTP son, doesn't show his feelings to me doesn't mean he doesn't have them. I see his actions and know the feelings are in there. So he isn't all mushy about it, Good for him. My father is an INTP, he helps me because he cares, again not all mushy about it but if he wasn't interested or didn't care then he wouldn't do it. My other kid is an ISTJ, again no emotion shown, does that means he lacks feelings. He is a mummy's boy so i know he loves me. You don't have to constantly have feelings reinforced to know someone cares, it's the actions that say it all.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  3. #183
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Instead of going back and forth about this, can you guys explain what the appropriate thing to do is? When someone is clearly overreacting or hyper-emotional, how do you bring them back down to earth without dismissing them?
    Well, this is how I usually do it:

    [Smile] "It's not an easy subject. How about we mull things over and pick it up later. I have to be going anyways" [insert optional ]

    Options if you don't need to be going yet:

    "Hey, how about we go do [insert fun lighthearthed activity]"
    "Oh, did you hear about [Insert lighthearted topic]"
    "[Insert completely off topic and utterly crazy remark]" (specialty of Ne-doms I might add)
    " [Insert utterly ridiculous joke that you know will make them crack up completely]"

    Ime, even if they know what you're doing, most will be grateful for the breather and a chance to focus their attention on something else for a while. Most will come back to the topic after reconsidering it. And you yourself might actually gain some new insights now you get a chance to mull over what has been said.
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  4. #184
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Isn't that what you have been doing here. Trying to incite further reactions by disecting everything Jenocyde has said and not just taking her word for it.
    Ummm...no. Jenocyde and I are fine, we are used to communication like this. We're discussing this issue, trying to see where the other side is coming from. There was no dismissal involved.

    And why should I take anyone's word on an issue? I will take their word on what they are about, but not anything else. This is a forum. People will prod for further information if need be. That's what it's all about.

  5. #185
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Ummm...no. Jenocyde and I are fine, we are used to communication like this. We're discussing this issue, trying to see where the other side is coming from. There was no dismissal involved.
    Yes, that's how I see it, too.

    I know that people don't act like this where you come from, saslou, but all you need to know is that we do things a little differently around here. This kind of thing isn't considered dismissal.

  6. #186
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post

    Ime, even if they know what you're doing, most will be grateful for the breather and a chance to focus their attention on something else for a while. Most will come back to the topic after reconsidering it. And you yourself might actually gain some new insights now you get a chance to mull over what has been said.
    Ha! I guess this where people differ and there is no accounting for type. Some people let it go and others follow me into the next room and get in my face. Either way, I try to make the best of it... *sigh*

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Ummm...no. Jenocyde and I are fine, we are used to communication like this. We're discussing this issue, trying to see where the other side is coming from. There was no dismissal involved. Why should I take anyone's word on an issue? I will take their word on what they are about, but not anything else. This is a forum. People will prod for further information if need be. That's what it's all about.
    Hahaha, you're right - we are fine and we are friends and we will always go back and forth. The thread is about people getting called emotional, and it turned into what is the equivalent dismissal for "rationals". I think Saslou may be referring to the point that when I say something that is our equivalent, you tend to respond with "yeah, feelers get that too." But those things have already been established as being hurtful or dismissive to the "feelers". I know that "feelers" get that, and I'm now trying to show you what hurts "thinkers", so you are as equally aware to avoid certain phrases or whatever. This isn't just a learning experience for "us", but also for "you". I think I was not being as precise in my explanations as I could or should have been, which in turn, makes your responses colored in a different way than I imagined they would be. I'll try harder.

    Either way, I don't want to blow this out of proportion. I appreciate Sas's attempts at protecting me and your attempts at engaging me. I love it.

  7. #187
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Hehe,well there will always be people like that. There's no sure way with people unfortunately
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  8. #188
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Hehe,well there will always be people like that. There's no sure way with people unfortunately
    And this is why I stick to math! hahahaha...

  9. #189
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I think Saslou may be referring to the point that when I say something that is our equivalent, you tend to respond with "yeah, feelers get that too." But those things have already been established as being hurtful or dismissive to the "feelers". I know that "feelers" get that, and I'm now trying to show you what hurts "thinkers", so you are as equally aware to avoid certain phrases or whatever. This isn't just a learning experience for "us", but also for "you".
    But I've said at every turn that I understand where you are coming from. However, the opposite is equally as hurtful. Saying that isn't diminishing your issues.

  10. #190
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    ^Take solace in the fact that you did everything you could, at that point

    How about you take care of math for me and I'll deal with the people? Sound like a plan?


    Edit: Jeno: LA probably is just sharing with you the same things you are with her at that point as she doesn't know that you know this about feelers (or she does but that's forgotten in the moment)

    LA: maybe it's an idea to clearly acknowledge those things and then say, ok well i dunno if you know this, but it is in fact the same for feelers, so we do relate. Now how do we fix it?

    What do you think?
    It just seems to be that often arguments are reinitiated because the other party isn't sure they got their point accross as it wasn't acknowledged clearly?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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