User Tag List

First 81617181920 Last

Results 171 to 180 of 226

  1. #171
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Which assumes they have NO feeling just because they're not yelling back.
    Actually, it assumes they do have feelings. No one says that to an actual computer or machine, do they? It's just that if you're not expressing feelings, they don't know whether you have any or not. Just like when a person is being emotional, you don't know whether they have any rationale for what they're saying or not. So the insult is an (immature) attempt to get the other person to start expressing themselves so you know what they feel.

  2. #172
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Actually, it assumes they do have feelings. No one says that to an actual computer or machine, do they? It's just that if you're not expressing feelings, they don't know whether you have any or not. So the insult is an (immature) attempt to get the other person to start expressing themselves so you know what they feel.
    But in reference to my above story, what difference does it make how I feel - I just want to solve the problem.

    And cold - fine, you can interpret that to be whatever. But what about robotic, heartless or unfeeling... I don't think you guys quite get what I am saying.

  3. #173
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    When I was younger, I saw my cousin get shot by accident. My other cousin screamed and cried and broke down while I jumped to attempt cpr and call 911. My first reaction was to immediately fix the situation, but I was all a mess inside. I overlooked my feelings and just acted appropriately - and he survived. My other cousin, when retelling the story, always mentions how cold and calculating I was. wtf? Being cold is NOT a natural inclination. If I was cold, I would have stood there sipping my coffee.
    Being cold isn't, but being T is. And Ts naturally are less apt to take feelings into account in their decision making. Which some try to twist into "cold."

    Btw, your actions were very brave and fitting. I would've done the same.

  4. #174
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    And cold - fine, you can interpret that to be whatever. But what about robotic, heartless or unfeeling... I don't think you guys quite get what I am saying.
    What about wimpy, dumb, or too sensitive? I get what you're saying, believe me. I just think that the reverse is as hurtful. Why do you think it isn't?

  5. #175
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Being cold isn't, but being T is. And Ts naturally are less apt to take feelings into account in their decision making. Which some try to twist into "cold."

    Btw, your actions were very brave and fitting. I would've done the same.
    Thank you.

    But the thing is, I always take my feelings into consideration. It's always part of the equation. It's just not the only thing I take into consideration. And sometimes, yes, I do flip out and all logic flies out the window - and this is how I know what I am talking about. When someone is in an emotional state, they often can't see the forest from the trees. When someone prods me back down to earth with "let's take a minute to breathe", I am appreciative. However, if I'm just getting louder because you are talking over me, and then have the nerve to call me emotional, I am not appreciative. It's as simple as that for me. And I guess I was wrong to believe it is as simple as that for others.

    Instead of going back and forth about this, can you guys explain what the appropriate thing to do is? When someone is clearly overreacting or hyper-emotional, how do you bring them back down to earth without dismissing them?

  6. #176
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    What about wimpy, dumb, or too sensitive? I get what you're saying, believe me. I just think that the reverse is as hurtful. Why do you think it isn't?
    I've never called anyone wimpy or dumb. But I guess that's in comparison to strength and intelligence. I'm not one to mix comparisons. Too sensitive, I have used. Like I never talk to my mother about my father, because she always always starts freaking out and screaming. If I call her too sensitive on this issue, she sees it as an insult, where I see it as an observation and a reason not to engage her on this topic.

  7. #177
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    But in reference to my above story, what difference does it make how I feel - I just want to solve the problem.
    I didn't read your story. I was replying to the above post.

    I think your actions in that situation were appropriate. Do you mean like, shot with a gun? I think I would have run away or ducked into a solid structure as fast as I could, hoping I didn't get hurt. Then, I might have called someone to help after I felt safe enough (or asked someone nearby to do so). You were pretty brave.

    The only way it could be construed as calculating is because you were able to respond to the knowledge that you weren't being threatened, versus the instinct that hearing a gunshot means you're in danger. Hardly cold, though.
    And cold - fine, you can interpret that to be whatever. But what about robotic, heartless or unfeeling... I don't think you guys quite get what I am saying.
    No, I do... some INFPs think that about me.

    They all kind of imply the same meaning. If the person says those things, they're challenging you to prove you're not by showing that you're hurt they would say that. It's not a good thing to do at all, but some people do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Instead of going back and forth about this, can you guys explain what the appropriate thing to do is? When someone is clearly overreacting or hyper-emotional, how do you bring them back down to earth without dismissing them?
    Well, what works for me is to just wait quietly until I'm finished expressing my emotions, and then ask me "Is that all?" I'll probably say yes, and then you can probably continue the conversation as if nothing happened. A few INTJs do this with me, because they know I'm ultimately more interested in exchanging ideas than staying offended.

    With a lot of Fs, especially dominant Fs, you'd probably be better off if you just stop arguing, listen to them, and then agreeing with all their feelings, possibly even feigning a sympathetic look and tone if necessary. I find it frustrating to have to do this, though, but sometimes it's the only thing that works. After that, I sort of try to gracefully get out of the situation, and minimize my interaction with them...

  8. #178
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    When someone is clearly overreacting or hyper-emotional, how do you bring them back down to earth without dismissing them?
    When someone is [way] overreacting I say something like "I know how you're feeling. It was mean/rude/whatever else of this person to do/say that. But that's his/his issue; it doesn't reflect on you. [insert more here]. The idea is basically to not dismiss or belittle the person's reactions, yet allow them to feel solace in you. This is only if you know the person well and wish to calm them. In debate, it is best to leave any mention of a person's emotional state out unless you wish to incite further reaction.

  9. #179
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    With a lot of Fs, especially dominant Fs, you'd probably be better off if you just stop arguing, listen to them, and then agreeing with all their feelings, possibly even feigning a sympathetic look and tone if necessary. I find it frustrating to have to do this, though, but sometimes it's the only thing that works. After that, I sort of try to gracefully get out of the situation, and minimize my interaction with them...
    This is what I have been doing, but it drains me to be so dishonest. But yeah, I do try to duck out of the situation as quickly as possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    When someone is [way] overreacting I say something like "I know how you're feeling. It was mean/rude/whatever else of this person to do/say that. But that's his/his issue; it doesn't reflect on you. [insert more here]. The idea is basically to not dismiss or belittle the person's reactions, yet allow them to feel solace in you. This is only if you know the person well and wish to calm them. In debate, it is best to leave any mention of a person's emotional state out unless you wish to incite further reaction.
    I've tried that. And I'll keep trying, I guess.

    I generally like to avoid throwing accusations around, and it bothers me when others do it. What is the appropriate response when someone tells me that I am all emotional, when I am really not. I've tried explaining that I wouldn't be so forceful if they didn't cut me off all the time. Or I wouldn't get so loud if they let me finish a sentence. (I try to say this as non-accusatory as possible.) But then that goes into a whole other argument about "no, I'm not! I never cut you off".

    I guess the easiest thing to do is walk away... it's too bothersome to keep trying sometimes.

  10. #180
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,595

    Default

    My impression of the whole "you're being too emotional" bit is that can mean different things based on intention and context. It can make either person think that their attempts at problem solving are being thwarted.

    Here is an example. If I have an employer who has treated me unfairly, I confide in someone about the problem expressing it with emotional frustration, and they respond with "you are being too emotional" without addressing the problem, that could seem like dismissal. It implies that the problem doesn't justify the frustrated response. It is possible that the person who makes that statement could mean "we can't solve this problem until you settle down" or "yes that is a problem, but what is constructive about getting upset about it". Those are good statements, but it would be more direct and efficient to say those statements rather than simply "you are too emotional". The "you are too emotional" statement is a subjective statement because it depends on the circumstance. Is it reasonable to get upset over the employment problem? To what extent? What is too much emotion? What is not enough? There are no answers to those questions outside of the context, so "too emotional" or "too cold" without qualifiers do not necessarily apply across the boundary of another person. For example, if the emotion is impeding the problem solving, then that is the actual problem rather than the presence of an emotion. That threshold will be different for each person based on culture, communication style, and personality. It is typically a good idea to state the qualifiers rather than assume they are understood by both parties.

    (edit: the above statements are based on the assumption that everyone involved is in the end reasonable and just trying to communicate. It might not apply without that baseline.)
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] How should one deal with NF's that are being overly emotional?
    By ajblaise in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 135
    Last Post: 10-02-2011, 11:30 AM
  2. [ISFP] ISFPs do you ever feel like you are being treated like a doormat?
    By liYA in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 03-02-2011, 05:57 PM
  3. Ask an ESFJ, and be told how wrong you are
    By pure_mercury in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-12-2009, 07:50 AM
  4. Movies You Are PROUD to be Obsessed With
    By heart in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 116
    Last Post: 11-19-2008, 04:29 AM
  5. Movies You Are Embarassed to be Obsessed With
    By heart in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 78
    Last Post: 02-12-2008, 10:19 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO