How would you respond to someone calling you a "cold, heartless bastard"?
I've been called cold/heartless a few times before. This is how I responded:
It's never cloaked in the plain language of rationality - "you're too emotional". It's always more charged in its accusations.
This is a matter of perspective, once again. For a primary F type, it does have connotations. How are you not seeing this? I'm sure you've witnessed the way T types discuss F types on this forum. Do you think that is less charged than calling someone heartless?
It's not a language issue. The conflict is between hyper-emotional and cold. A separate conflict is between irrational and rational.
When someone is saying that I am emotional when I am not, I get upset at the accusation, not at the thought of emotions. It means that you are clearly trying to read me and clearly missing and clearly still believing that you are correct. If I truly am emotional, I will have a hard time denying it because it is hard for me to deny the truth. It's just the way I'm built. It is why we don't get upset at criticism so often - because what can you say when it's the truth? All you can do is shrug and say "yep, you're right".
But back to the topic of the language... When someone is emotional, they generally feel that they can say or do whatever they want because they feel something. On a much larger scale, you can equate this to revenge sex or worse things that need no mention. On a smaller scale, it can equate to hurtful name calling. Cold, heartless, robotic, unfeeling, inhumane or worse - these are all hurtful words that people feel justified in saying because they feel something. If I respond with "you are getting too emotional", I don't see why damage is done. I'm trying to remain calm and not incite you and trying to invite an even temperament back into the discussion. In fact, it's more often a warning shot.
This is a matter of perspective, once again. For a primary F type, it does have connotations. How are you not seeing this? Do you not see the way T types discuss F types on this forum? Do you think that is less charged than calling someone heartless?
You know us better than that. You know when we're genuinely out to hurt, that we go straight for the nuclear option. "You're being emotional" isn't an attempt to belittle you, it's an attempt to get you to see that maybe you're not in the right frame of mind to continue this conversation, and that if this continues, I certainly won't be in the right frame of mind to continue this conversation, and then things will all end badly. If I wanted to make someone feel worse for being emotional, I'd say something like "oh, look, the five-year-old is throwing a tantrum because he/she can't get his/her way. Grow the fuck up, you immature little twit". You see the difference?
We T types talk that way because... that's how we talk. I know how F works and all that, but please, do me a favor and ignore that impulse for a few minutes when listening to us. It's not that we don't care about you, it's that this is a semi-anonymous message board where we're free to discuss things with relative impunity. We don't have to wear the F-masks we do to interact with common society online, so it's a much rawer presentation of what we think and perceive.
We still like you, even if we use blunt language to describe our opinions of things we don't really understand
When I was younger, I saw my cousin get shot by accident. My other cousin screamed and cried and broke down while I jumped to attempt cpr and call 911. My first reaction was to immediately fix the situation, but I was all a mess inside. I overlooked my feelings and just acted appropriately - and he survived. My other cousin, when retelling the story, always mentions how cold and calculating I was. wtf? Being cold is NOT a natural inclination. If I was cold, I would have stood there sipping my coffee.