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  1. #41
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    Some people can't get over making a huge mistake and move on. They want to believe that what they did is forgiveable and other people are just being petty.

    There may be a way to be friends again, but it seems like at least a 4-step process:

    1) You contact friend; if he doesn't hang up on you, apologize when he brings up the insult.

    2) You get together with him; don't even involve his wife.

    3) He goes home, tells his wife you're not as bad as you seem.

    4) Several years later, after you've saved their dog's life, she forgives you. Maybe.

  2. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    If he was speaking about being ugly "inside" after a comment she made, that is entirely a different matter. But it's also a problem I have with "Fi-judgers" in general. The need to judge a person's worth and make things personal. If someone did something ethically questionable, I am not the type to say "you are a bad person".
    Yay for generalisations!!
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    Yay for generalisations!!
    Outrageously ridiculous one's at that. No offense Jenocyde. I'm talking about the generalization, not you

  4. #44
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    Yay for generalisations!!
    Is that the only thing you took away from everything that I said? If you are not here to generalize, what's the point of being on this site?

    EDIT: it seems like no one has a problem with my generalizations when they are positive. Just sayin'.

  5. #45
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Is that the only thing you took away from everything that I said? If you are not here to generalize, what's the point of being on this site?

    EDIT: it seems like no one has a problem with my generalizations when they are positive. Just sayin'.
    And only a problem when negative to people that feel as if they're personally addressed.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  6. #46
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Is that the only thing you took away from everything that I said? If you are not here to generalize, what's the point of being on this site?
    Generalizing cognition is way ok. Behavior, not so much.

  7. #47
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Generalizing cognition is way ok. Behavior, not so much.
    You'll get over it.

  8. #48
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Generalizing cognition is way ok. Behavior, not so much.
    What makes one generalisation ok and the other not? Just curious.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  9. #49
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    What makes one generalisation ok and the other not? Just curious.
    Poignancy.

  10. #50
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Not many people like unsolicited opinions from someone who should have no concern with the matter. I can't imagine a situation where the mate asked the OP if he thought the wife was attractive, in front of her no less. Unless that specific thing happened, why say anything at all?

    If he was speaking about being ugly "inside" after a comment she made, that is entirely a different matter. But it's also a problem I have with "Fi-judgers" in general. The need to judge a person's worth and make things personal. If someone did something ethically questionable, I am not the type to say "you are a bad person".

    My main point is that for a group that is so introverted, you all really need to learn to stfu sometimes. We all (especially ENTPs) have times when we should have shut up, but at least we are aware of it. If the OP is serious with his anecdote, then it simply illustrates my point.
    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Direct people making completely subjective evaluations like their impression of someone else's wife's appearance is not relevant to a situation like the one described here. I'm forever mystified why people can't distinguish the difference between being direct about something that is actually equivalent for everyone involved and something so personal. So much for objectivity. Apparently the friend finds her attractive, so even if she was covered in warts, it isn't particularly relevant that OP found her ugly. What is accomplished? Making someone feel uncomfortable because of indulging an opinion that reflects an inflated sense of entitlement and personal opinion. That is what is annoying.

    I'm guessing it wasn't the only verbal offense because it sounds more like an instance from a pattern of offenses. Maybe he should apologize, but remember he is not entitled to the outcome. They may not forgive because they reject some kind of overall negative dynamic more than just a single offense.
    I know, that is why I have said "I don't fully understand".

    However I think that some people are probably too sensitive. By this I mean that they take things too personally. Especially if things are not said with anything bad in mind.

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