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  1. #31
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    You don't really seem sorry, so an apology is not going to come across as genuine.

    For that reason, I suggest you apologize and post here with the aftermath
    yes, please do.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  2. #32
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Need more info.

    1. What was the context?
    2. Is she ugly?

  3. #33
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Five Stars!

    You know it's funny this is exactly the stuff I see NTs doing in real life that gets people pissed at them. Not too surprised. Is this what you mean when you say you don't conform to the norm?
    This is individual but in general the answer is "yes". My problem is that natural me is too directs and too blunt for most people. Plus I insist on logic too often.

    Long ago my ESFJ grandmother fell badly. It was that bad that she needed a doctors help. Later she explained to the rest of the what happened. But she exaggerated in explanation of what happened. Her story simply was not compatibile with laws of physics. So I have called her out on the "nonsense" and shocked rest of the family.


    But since I am quite calculated person I have build a filter to prevent things like that from happening. What has boosted my unspontaneous nature even further.

  4. #34
    THREADKILLER Prototype's Avatar
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    Define ugly, and maybe she really isn't all that ugly to begin with,... Or, maybe you like her!

    Lucky for you that you weren't swallowing your teeth at that meal!... And, who paid for that dinner BTW?

    I hope that their relationship hasn't suffered due to your malicious efforts. If you get the chance to reconcile with them, it's doubtful that this woman will ever forget what you said to her, and will probably resent you.

    Your friend hasn't contacted you since?... Take that as a sign!
    ... They say that knowledge is free, and to truly acquire wisdom always comes with a price... Well then,... That will be $10, please!

  5. #35
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Yes, it makes sense.
    However I don't fully understand why some people are so uncomfortable with "direct" people.
    Not many people like unsolicited opinions from someone who should have no concern with the matter. I can't imagine a situation where the mate asked the OP if he thought the wife was attractive, in front of her no less. Unless that specific thing happened, why say anything at all?

    If he was speaking about being ugly "inside" after a comment she made, that is entirely a different matter. But it's also a problem I have with "Fi-judgers" in general. The need to judge a person's worth and make things personal. If someone did something ethically questionable, I am not the type to say "you are a bad person".

    My main point is that for a group that is so introverted, you all really need to learn to stfu sometimes. We all (especially ENTPs) have times when we should have shut up, but at least we are aware of it. If the OP is serious with his anecdote, then it simply illustrates my point.

  6. #36
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Yes, it makes sense.
    However I don't fully understand why some people are so uncomfortable with "direct" people.
    Direct people making completely subjective evaluations like their impression of someone else's wife's appearance is not relevant to a situation like the one described here. I'm forever mystified why people can't distinguish the difference between being direct about something that is actually equivalent for everyone involved and something so personal. So much for objectivity. Apparently the friend finds her attractive, so even if she was covered in warts, it isn't particularly relevant that OP found her ugly. What is accomplished? Making someone feel uncomfortable because of indulging an opinion that reflects an inflated sense of entitlement and personal opinion. That is what is annoying.

    I'm guessing it wasn't the only verbal offense because it sounds more like an instance from a pattern of offenses. Maybe he should apologize, but remember he is not entitled to the outcome. They may not forgive because they reject some kind of overall negative dynamic more than just a single offense.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #37
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    Since you have not seen each other in over a year, I'd guess that they did notice and of course, did care about that. So apologize!! I wouldn't have been very happy had I been your "mate" and if I were the wife I would have punched you right there on spot.
    To be honest you acted stupidly.

  8. #38

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    If you haven't spoken for a year, directly after this occurred, and you were not the one who chose to not speak to them, I think the elephant is large enough that you can't walk up and give them a happy "hey guys!" without also adding an apology. Also if your tertiary is used much at all you should feel compelled to apologise anyway. I don't think apologising can be a wrong move. You are obviously in the wrong in it. And it will get all the crap over with.

    There is a chance they won't care at all by now, but the apology doesn't need to be earth shattering, it's just decency and good will. It helps clarify the issue also, let them know why you haven't made contact much, let them see you know why they haven't made contact much. It brings it all up with a will to resolve it.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  9. #39
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Some people can't get over making a huge mistake and move on. They want to believe that what they did is forgiveable and other people are just being petty.

    There may be a way to be friends again, but it seems like at least a 4-step process:

    1) You contact friend; if he doesn't hang up on you, apologize when he brings up the insult.

    2) You get together with him; don't even involve his wife.

    3) He goes home, tells his wife you're not as bad as you seem.

    4) Several years later, after you've saved their dog's life, she forgives you. Maybe.
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  10. #40
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    If her ugliness is obvious enough for the OP to comment on, she's probably heard the same thing most of her life from various people. Over time, incidents like this can fill a bucket, drop by drop.


    If "ugly" was meant as a general statement (such as "you have red hair") an argument could be made for the OP simply acknowledging his perception. If "ugly" was meant to be an insult (as it usually is, obviously), then it makes sense for someone to be offended that a friend purposely attempted to hurt them. It's not irrational or petty.

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