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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    That wasn't a hint, that was a thud. My goodness, you are a specimen!! How old are you, or is that rude to ask?

    You INTJs rock my world with your obliviousness, which is worse than mine!
    I am 26. lol

  2. #152
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I am almost speechless. This is better than reality TV.

    King T, you need to get your own TV show.

    This thread cracks me the eff up!!! Mood booster!

    More seriously though -

    King T - you are really, really oblivious when it comes to some basic social norms. As long as you accept that YES! you are the problem, I think you can avoid and mitigate situations like this in the future.

    You absolutely created this situation for yourself and if you want to change it, it is your responsibility to do it. As others have pointed out, merely glossing over things may not be the way to go.

    Also King T - how does it feel when you post a question like this and people come back at you with jokes and disbelief and make fun of you for being a bonehead? I mean - a lot of members here clearly can't believe you did and said all these things or just think it's way out of the norm. I was just wondering what your personal response is?

    And side question to the side-thread started here - howdoes a mini 'NFs are oversensitive!' shtick get going in a thread about an almost universally panned bad move by an IXTJ? Just wondering.

    And staring at someone for a few minutes and then calling her ugly TO HER FACE - that's Fi judging? Really? Like really, really impaired/unsupported/immature Fi judging? Really? So it was the fact that he thought that or said that which is the Fi-judging?

    Because we all think things like "they look busted" or "what a hideous pair of shoes" or "that's gross" or "I'd totally sleep have sex with this person" or "what a bore" on a daily basis and it's a split second instant judgement/perception. But we don't necessarily SAY these things out loud or so bluntly. And usually those judgements and opinions are less than a millisecond in the making and clustered and bundled with a million other things we think and process and become part of a much larger picture. So when one person thinks "you're ugly" it really ends up being and meaning a different thing entirely from another person who has that exact same thought. Call it personal context?

    Anywhoo - so everyone when they think things that have 'value judgement' are using Fi and only Fi? Really?

    I don't think so. In King T's case in this instance, my jury's still out.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  3. #153
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Imho, I say you call your mate and apologize for the 'incident' that drove you apart, as it was insensitive and rude and you have no clue what you were thinking atm. Tell him you had no idea how to approach him after this and that you are sorry you waited as long as you did, but you were embarassed. And ask him to present his wife with your sincerest appologies and the genuine hope that you can start over.

    Don't even go back to the painful memory, don't name it, don't delve it out. It'll just open wounds further and they both probably do not want to relive that, nor do you. That's just a dangerous way to go, as it leaves you open to feeling awkward while reliving it and saying (no offense) more stupid things that can come out wrongly.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #154
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Really, that sounds more plausible, at least it's an attempt to soothe her hurt ego, the other one "I was drunk" is merely confessing that with the help of something that loosens inhibitions, he finally told the truth, that she is ugly.
    That she was relatively ugly. Relative in this case to her radiant beauty at the wedding. A huge difference, which he'd have to really emphasize.

    Edit: maybe "really emphasize" is a poor choice of words. "Make clear" would better suit what I meant. Delicate and precise diplomacy would be ideal in this situation, but the ability to bench-press 500kg would be ideal in my situation too.

  5. #155
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Okay, the piggyback on JJJ's suggestions try:

    I'm so sorry we got off to a bad start. It was totally my fault. I was an insensitive idiot who does not deserve your forgiveness. I just want to explain what I meant - you looked so beautiful in your wedding photos and I know my mate would only marry someone who is lovely inside and out. I guess with my beer goggles on I was surprised to see you looking so casual. I realize of course when I'm sober that the reason you were so dressed down at dinner is because you felt comfortable with your husband and myself, and I appreciate that you let me see you without any pretension, because you know that me and your husband are best mates and that makes you and I family as well. However, in my drunken state, I didn't understand any of that. I do not think you are ugly AT ALL, even when I said that, I was not referring to your physical beauty, I was merely talking about the fact that you weren't so dressed up or done up. But you didn't have to get dressed up to see me, because it's not like it was an interview and it's your job to impress me. I was the one who should have been to trying to impress you. It was really stupid on my part. I'm sorry.

    Or something like that. You can drone on as much as you want to, whatever works to get that drift across. Blah blah blah.

    Because really, getting piss drunk and sniffing coke in the bathroom and not giving an eff how you came off to your friend's wife? If you felt some kind of entitlement or expectation that his wife HAD to put in all this effort to be beautiful and attractive to either him or yourself then she had just as much expectation that you would put in all this effort to be a charming gentleman to her. You're the one who was ugly to her. Not the other way around.

    Oh and then you have to add:

    I would love to make this right for you, for him, and for all of us so we all move past this. Please accept my apology and let me know what I can do to to make this right. I have missed being in your lives and I really look forward to getting a fresh start so we can be friends again. I do not plan on repeating my mistake.

    You can gag all you want, haters! No matter how you say it or just show it, these things ^^ are the gist of what needs to be understood by the offended parties to move on.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  6. #156
    S Saiyan God Mace's Avatar
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    I still think this guy's done for. I mean, come on, there could've been other ways to point out someone's attractivity, but this attitude was layman. LAYMAN. Way to go, way to go!!!

    ... Classic, I'm telling you.

    Dude, I think it's in your best interest to atone for it in another way - get married, or something. Get a life. Bet you your mate's wife don't give a toss, and you'll only end up getting owned if you tried. Honestly.

  7. #157
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mace View Post
    Wow.

    ... I (honestly) think you're done for - whether you were drunk, or not. Calling someone ugly? I don't know.
    seriously!
    unimaginable!
    we fukin won boys

  8. #158
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    ... I was an insensitive idiot who does not deserve your forgiveness...


    anyone else see the passive aggression?
    we fukin won boys

  9. #159
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Sorry to stereotype here but is this just a little to strange for an INTJ as humourous as it is. I get they don't do social interactions well but ... Hmmmm, i just don't know about this one.

    Or am i just feeling some ENTP vibe going on.

    The only way this could be an ENTP = this whole thread is a complete put on.

  10. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocap View Post
    anyone else see the passive aggression?
    You shut your mouth, jerkface!!!!

    Kidding.

    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

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