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  1. #131
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    So after a weekend of partying, I have to say I'm pretty pissed off with how free the guys hands are with the ladies.
    Apart from dancing there are some other very clear signals some guys will notice to tell if you're promiscuous. Do you run your hands through your hair? Do you look around you a lot (this is actually a huuuuuuge give-away)? Do you make eye contact with a lot of people? Do you touch people (innocently) when you talk to them, even if they're your friends already? Your body language is important in these matters, even more then dancing or dressing.

    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    I don't believe the onus should be on me to change my communication style, which would involve changing the way I am in order to not give off signals that I am actually not giving off.
    Yeah, blaming the world might make you feel better, but it won't actually solve your problem. You don't have to change your lifestyle or personality, but if you get more aware of the things you subconsciously communicate you can use that to your advantage.

    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    You are hurting my feelings. The guys even tried to push me into the mass of girls wanting to make me go dance with them and grab their asses so I get one. And I just replied, I am gonna grab no ass, if I haven shared at least a word with her.

    I really didnt like that attitude, the only problem tho was, the girls only knew that attitude, therefore it could seem they were waiting only for it and nothing else :/. Thats what you think when you are 16
    Whoa, Entropie, you should definitely try to pick up girls with your own unique character. Out here on the forums your one of the funniest guys most laid-back guys. I bet that if you approached a girl with this kind of a funny, slightly arrogant, "Yeah, I'm great" attitude, they'd be all over you! Hell, if you don't like physical contact and dancing, then just don't. Take your time talking to a girl, listening. Instead of going physical immediately, and probably fail, go for a emotional/intellectual/psychological connection.

  2. #132
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Entropie already has a girl, no picking up for him!
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  3. #133
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy
    Apart from dancing there are some other very clear signals some guys will notice to tell if you're promiscuous. Do you run your hands through your hair? Do you look around you a lot (this is actually a huuuuuuge give-away)? Do you make eye contact with a lot of people? Do you touch people (innocently) when you talk to them, even if they're your friends already? Your body language is important in these matters, even more then dancing or dressing.
    Well, if you're reading the above as promiscuity, you're the one making a mistake in a lot of cases. I would agree, however, that if you're showing lots of cleavage and wearing a short skirt, while dancing provocatively, you're going to get LOTS of sexual attention.
    Something Witty

  4. #134
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Entropie already has a girl, no picking up for him!
    Well, the advice still counts all those relating to the problem of not wanting to go physical immediately. Like myself!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Well, if you're reading the above as promiscuity, you're the one making a mistake in a lot of cases. I would agree, however, that if you're showing lots of cleavage and wearing a short skirt, while dancing provocatively, you're going to get LOTS of sexual attention.
    No, no, it's not how you dress, what you look like and how you dance. It's the micro-signals your body-language conveys that make you look promiscuous. I myself for one, am trying to be aware as much as possible of what a girl does before approaching them, other guys are not really aware of it but will still pick it up sub-consciously. Example: if a girl who is with friends looks around the room and runs her hands through her hair at the same time I know she's likely in for a conversation.

    Off course I would never just grab her or kiss her or even make a dubious remark, but some more blunt men, with less social skills might.

  5. #135
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    So after a weekend of partying, I have to say I'm pretty pissed off with how free the guys hands are with the ladies.

    I spent the better part of the nights fending off unwanted PHYSICAL advances, I mean what is up with that?

    This one guy grabbed me and squeezed me so tight, I had to really claw my way out of his grip, I faced him to tell him to get lost and he swoops in for an uninvited, and unexpected kiss, which means being uprepared for it he actually managed to plant his lips on mine. :steam:

    I just want to have a good time, dance BY MYSELF, is that really too much to expect?

    What happened to going up to a girl and asking if she would like to dance?

    Ladies ever experienced this groping hands hitting on you move? because it is without doubt even lamer than using cheesy lanes.

    Alpha male syndrome? stupid male syndrome? immature?

    Yuck, maybe next time I should dress down more.
    Clubs can be really bad that way, especially towards the end of the night.

    At the end of the night, the guys and gals who did decide to go home with somebody already have, the guys (drunk by this point) who failed are still there, with blue balls, and are mad, and sweet girls like you have to put up with their shit. The other people who have to put up with their shit are big guys like me. For some reason when small, drunk, horny men get pissed they look for a big guy to tryand start shit with if they can't find a pretty girl to grope.

    You should have kicked him in the balls, I'm not kidding. He was a totally disrespectful asshole.

    Asking a girl to dance might sound overly formal now-a-days, but if its done right, and the fellow making the request is appealing to the lady, then nothing can really go wrong with that. If you want to be more subtle then you can always dance over to a girl and get a better read from her once in her proximity. I've had fun doing that when I wasn't even trying to pick a girl up, just having fun getting my boogie on, interacting with folks.

  6. #136
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    Well, the advice still counts all those relating to the problem of not wanting to go physical immediately. Like myself!



    No, no, it's not how you dress, what you look like and how you dance. It's the micro-signals your body-language conveys that make you look promiscuous. I myself for one, am trying to be aware as much as possible of what a girl does before approaching them, other guys are not really aware of it but will still pick it up sub-consciously. Example: if a girl who is with friends looks around the room and runs her hands through her hair at the same time I know she's likely in for a conversation.

    Off course I would never just grab her or kiss her or even make a dubious remark, but some more blunt men, with less social skills might.
    Hmmm. I might look around the room when I'm with friends, but most of the time I'm just people-watching from the safety of my friend-cocoon. And a lot of the time, if I touch my hair, it's to get it out of my face, or because I'm hot. I'm not saying there aren't some signals that are sent out purposely, but I wouldn't put a lot of stock in subconscious body language. There are a lot of different things they could mean.
    Something Witty

  7. #137
    I'm a star. Kangirl's Avatar
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    Let me just firstly say that I think men who grab women in clubs (or anywhere) unbidden, are rude pigs. I don't have any desire to defend that behaviour.

    I dont go clubbing much at all anymore, but I went a LOT when I was 17-22-ish (and living in London) and imo, there aren't too many more sex-saturated environments than clubs. Put a lot of hot, young people dressed in tight clothes in a room together and...yeah. Did I go clubbing to get my dance on with my friends? Yes. Did I WANT to be groped by men I found unattractive and neanderthal? No. But did I get a certain kick out of knowing that some of the men were attracted to me? Hell yes. Male attention can be bad and icky, but it can also be incredibly exciting and fun. The grey area (or, one of the grey areas) is in distinguishing the fun kind from the icky kind.
    "Only an irrational dumbass, would burn Jews." - Jaguar

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  8. #138

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    What's bothering me about this thread is the implication that if something is explainable, it's excusable.

    Yes, there are legitimate reasons why BerberElla's disposition or dress or behavior might cause a man to think that she is hot for it. But how does that translate into it being excusable for him to put his hands on her? If he thinks she is looking for some action, why can't he hit on her in a less offensive way instead of groping her? There are a lot of things that are okay to think but not to act on. You can think a 16 year old girl is sexy, but you can't ask her out. You can think a guy is being a jerk for cutting in front of you in line at Starbucks, but you can't punch him. This is no different.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

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  9. #139
    Senior Member Feops's Avatar
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    Asking a woman to dance? Does that work?

    From what I've seen only the most aggressive guys will succeed in such an environment. In a loud place with tons of people around it's more physical actions than verbal actions that get you noticed. They're going to beeline for the women dressing/acting most receptive, and they're going to err on the side of being too assertive rather than being too passive, because it's more successful.

    Ethics aside, these guys occasionally get some interest in return, while the passive guys get nothing. Results talk!

  10. #140

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    Quote Originally Posted by Feops View Post
    Asking a woman to dance? Does that work?

    From what I've seen only the most aggressive guys will succeed in such an environment. In a loud place with tons of people around it's more physical actions than verbal actions that get you noticed. They're going to beeline for the women dressing/acting most receptive, and they're going to err on the side of being too assertive rather than being too passive, because it's more successful.

    Ethics aside, these guys occasionally get some interest in return, while the passive guys get nothing. Results talk!
    I can't dispute your theory. I just despair that it appears to be such a no-brainer that getting some cheap ass is the value held highest over all others.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

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