I don't know about being "lonely", but I am pretty.... "socially bored". I'll be moving and going to a new university in a couple months so I will be surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people that I don't know, vs. my little village of 900 people. Don't get me wrong, I will be glad to be getting out of here, but how do you actually MAKE friends? It isn't like you can just walk up to some stranger, talk to them, then expect them to be your friend, right? Is there some sort of trick to it? The few friends that I have, (like my very best friend who happens to be an ENFP) I have had most of my life. Indeed, it was easier to make friends when younger, by individualism seems to increase as you age. :-/
As for the ISFJ's, I wouldn't mind meeting a nice ISFJ girl at this new school....
I wonder if some of loneliness has to do with each type's main need not getting answered either because others do not realize it is there, or because there are things getting in the way of the person themselves addressing it. If there was a clear understanding between types of what the main need is, what is obscuring that need or standing in the way of being met and how to meet it, we would be a long ways down that road. Because each of us know ourselves better, maybe the place to start is identifying what it is that we need and finding a way to let those close to us know how it can be met in a practical way. I understand that it's not just as easy as that, but I have been surprised how small adjustments in the way we relate can completely change how the other person feels. It seems obvious to the other person what their needs are, but not to those around them.
I also think though that there is a separate issue of loneliness that is not specific to type. This has more to do with if there is a deeply felt feeling of peace within the person or if they feel constantly restless because something has not been properly resolved within them.
Yes I feel that restless right now, but I cannot figure out what it is exactly. Maybe it requires some deep form of meditation.? I've heard it said prayer is asking and meditation is listening.
Could this be why I am (and quite possibility others too) are interested in MBTI and other personality tests, just to get to know ourselves more. I think that is the number one reason for entering into psychology majors. We all seek those answers, that are so lucratively hiding, or maybe the answer is there, we just forgot how to listen??
I'd say loneliness is an inevitable aspect of an INTP's life, not meaning to sound melodramatic at all.
Without the drive to seek relationships, it's fairly easy to wind up alone, which is fair enough, for a while. We have a very low need for affiliation, but we're still human beings. After I moved county two years ago, I was too lazy to build bridges here, and maintain the ones I kept at home. Then I long for company every now and again, but due to the lack of ties I have no one. Eh.
Dave everyone says finding ISFj's are easy. I have never really met another one, but I don't think it will be hard. What we usually look for we can usually find, if we just look hard enough or at least in the right places.
Rainoneventide glad you are here with us. Internet seems to help us connect to others, if you need a friend. Well I would say all you have to do is ask, but like dave said how can you just go up to someone, people do seem harder to get to know as we get older. I would offer the hand of friendship, if only I knew you more..
I have been surprised at how often when you offer the hand of friendship to someone, they are only too happy to take it. Of course you need to be judicious in choosing close friends, but everyone can use a good collection of acquaintance friends even if they don't become anything more. I still struggle with being hyper-sensitive to any signs that people are not interested in spending time with me or in getting to know me better, but have learned from watching some of my more extraverted friends that most people are just as unsure of themselves as I feel at times.
One of the things that has helped me is trying to put myself in the other person's shoes, rather than thinking how awkward I feel. It takes practice, just like someone needs to shoot hoops more than once a year to become a successful basketball player.
Some of the shyest or most self-contained people I have met have longed to find a SO as soon as possible (perhaps in hopes of getting rid of these feelings of loneliness), but have never practiced doing it when the stakes were much lower (being friendly to someone at the cash register, holding doors for people, smiling and being approachable, joining groups that would put them in touch with more people, developing relationships within extended family or at church, talking with someone in the library or in one of their classes, visiting someone in the nursing home or hospital (even doing things like reading to them), etc. We all need a variety of people in our "cheering section" and different people answer different needs that we have.
Therefore, it means that we need to meet more people that we might connect with if we are going to have a community of people around us. Some of that requires investing into people ourselves, whether it is as simple as giving directions, offering to show someone around campus (or explore it together), asking people about themselves or about their work, being patient when it is easier not to be, doing a favour for someone, helping them move, coming to an important event of theirs, volunteering somewhere, putting the effort into keeping in touch by phone or email and so on. This also takes the focus off of ourselves and onto what kind of a friend we could be, which ultimately attracts people to us.
I find it interesting to see the both T and F types feel lonely, but probably due to different reasons.