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  1. #71
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    The above confuses me because it seems like you want to talk (or want the friendship) only on your terms. You want to talk, but not when we call - only when you want to bond...
    If I pick up the phone when I am low on energy, I fear I may snap or say something wrong. So I don't.

  2. #72
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    If I pick up the phone when I am low on energy, I fear I may snap or say something wrong. So I don't.
    Wow, that has never occurred to me before. Thanks for explaining that, it seems so simple.

  3. #73
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I'll be honest and say, too, that there are lots of folks that I like well enough for a casual friendship, but if they start monopolizing too much of my time and demanding I change to meet their needs, I'd just as soon cut them loose. I will adapt for close friends, people I'm invested in. But sometimes I attract people who kind of want to "claim" me, and I might like them just fine as acquaintances, and want to see them occasionally, but they want more and I just don't have the energy to give it to them. And there's really no way to tell them that without sounding like a primo douchebag.
    Something Witty

  4. #74
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    If I pick up the phone when I am low on energy, I fear I may snap or say something wrong. So I don't.
    I agree with this.

    I have the additional fear that I'll end up giving them something I can't afford to lose (like money) in an attempt to be kind when I interact. My immature Fe can create quite a mess at times.

  5. #75
    Senior Member iamathousandapples's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    All's fair in love and war, here's the Extroverted rebuttle to that silly list posted elsewhere. Feel free to add your own points. You know you I's are guilty of some of these!

    ...Annoying things I's do.

    1. Flake out on parties because they can't be bothered to be extroverted, then want you to suddenly convert to Introversion when you're hanging out with them.
    2. When I will not accept that the E doesn't want to be introverted at their whim.
    3. When the I's complained themselves into getting their way and you're forced to pretend that it doesn't bother you that this has happened for the third time
    4. When the I never picks up that you might need their company.
    5. When you go out together and the I pays more attention to their drink/tv than you.
    6. When I's get upset just because we try to confirm they're okay by asking a simple question instead of trying to guess what's going on in their head.
    7. When I gets annoyed by a phone call even though the E might feel more comfortable saying something over the phone
    8. They play the victim everytime an E messes up something they tried to plan via telepathy.
    9. When I doesn't talk during one-on-one time and expects us to be some jukebox on demand.
    10. When I doesn't realize that socializing means two people interact with each other, and quiet time is better left to alone time.
    11. When I refuses to keep up a conversation.
    12. When you just decide to continue to talk, the I gets upset that they didn't have time to put their two cents in.
    ...

  6. #76
    Senior Member lowtech redneck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Also, I tend to do a million things at once, it's easier to have you on speakerphone while I work, rather than stop what I'm doing to reply. And not everyone is good with writing.
    Not everyone is good at multi-tasking, enspecially when engaged in solitary activities that require concentration. Calling us forces us to put aside everything else, come out of the "zone," and pay virtually undivided attention to a your voice over the phone. If you actually have something to say other than small talk, that isn't so bad, but its extremely irritating when an extrovert calls just because they are bored when by themselves and wishes for you to entertain them with small talk.

  7. #77
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Sometimes it's not even that deep, there is nothing urgent. When you have to ask to be considered, then it hardly seems worth it. And it doesn't feel genuine once received. Just answer the damn phone and stop hiding! The friendship can't just be on your terms alone....
    okay! i will! i promise i will next time!

    but. what if i've been harangued by the kids alllll day and i know this is my only 30 mins to do type c in peace, and the phone rings and i suspect it's you and i know you and i will have a great, but LONG, conversation, and i will therefore not be able to do type c for the rest of the day? yes, sometimes i will sacrifice my time and talk on the phone, but i just can't always do that or i will get totally cranky, ya know? not enough 'me time' or whatever. i require a lot of that i guess.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    The above confuses me because it seems like you want to talk (or want the friendship) only on your terms. You want to talk, but not when we call - only when you want to bond.

    The first part: sometimes things get lost in translation when writing. You can't understand tone. And also, you may get the answer quicker if we talk, since we can hammer out whatever things need to be said/done, rather than wait for a potentially confusing email that may need more clarification. Also, I tend to do a million things at once, it's easier to have you on speakerphone while I work, rather than stop what I'm doing to reply. And not everyone is good with writing.
    very true.

    The second part: For me, it aggravates me when someone forces the conversation to be about me. I don't like being picked apart for the sake of conversation. I rarely ask people about themselves in that manner either. First of all, 'how are you' is too vague of a question. I never know how to answer it. And it's appropriate for me to ask/be asked about what books I've read lately, but not how things are going for me. It seems intrusive and also like a contrived "bonding" session. I really can't do it. When we start chatting, things will come out on their own. But I don't like it when the conversation is about probing me, that's what it feels like. Like I'm being examined.
    that's awesome insight! omg. thank you so much. i have gotten the feeling from my enfj neighbor/friend that i do this to her. she's mentioned before how my way of conversing 'wears her out.' hahahhahaha. i thought because she and i were very similar and because we were both intuitives that it was all good; that she'd like to philosophize with me on the way to the grocery store or whatever i didn't really f/u with her about that, but putting that together with what you said makes sense.

    i know "how are you?" is a stupid, vague question but Fe demands it (cuz our society demands it), as an ice breaker if nothing else.........

    Chit chat and small talk aren't really boring to me. What's boring is discussing feelings
    . And I don't volley the question back because I don't wish to enter that kind of conversation. Life is rough enough, when I'm with my friends, I want to laugh and have a good time. Crazy how differently we see things, right?
    really? you'd really rather chit chat and have small talk than talk about feelings? i had no idea. i'm flabbergasted. speechless.

    you're not talking in a group are you? cuz i agree with you about being in a group, you don't wanna be philosophizing or be too deep cuz it can get uncomfortable for the majority of the group that don't want to talk that intently during a fun time or gathering. but one-on-one? you mean you just wanna chit chat, have light-hearted banter or laughing, and talk about the book you're reading? (again, my enfj neighbor is always bringing up the book Q: you reading any good books? probably to head me off before i can pick her apart. , aphrodite!!

    wow. so i don't know if i can hang out and be happy with e's one-on-one then. i get tired 'talking about nothing' (hehe), and you don't like me picking you apart. :sad:

    i guess the other thing i've picked up on is that i'm a pretty huggy person. i always have been. since it's such a habit, i think i do it even when other's are uncomfortable with it. like that enfj neighbor. i've pretty much stopped hugging her, and she's a good sport about it when i forget, but what do you think about huggers?


    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    SO TRUE. Especially INFJs. It's almost like the conversation did not happen at all. They are also the worst at apologizing.
    i, he-um, can apologize now. i've learned how. i just don't always think i need to, is the problem. i will agree that i am extremely stubborn. i don't see this too much myself but since my stubborn hubby and stubborn bff tell me how terribly stubborn i am, i guess maybe it's true? they say i'm one of the most stubborn people they know.........and i've read this about infj in keirsey's stuff.
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  8. #78
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    1. Flake out on parties because they can't be bothered to be extroverted, then want you to suddenly convert to Introversion when you're hanging out with them.
    2. When I will not accept that the E doesn't want to be introverted at their whim.
    3. When the I's complained themselves into getting their way and you're forced to pretend that it doesn't bother you that this has happened for the third time
    4. When the I never picks up that you might need their company.
    5. When you go out together and the I pays more attention to their drink/tv than you.
    6. When I's get upset just because we try to confirm they're okay by asking a simple question instead of trying to guess what's going on in their head.
    7. When I gets annoyed by a phone call even though the E might feel more comfortable saying something over the phone
    8. They play the victim everytime an E messes up something they tried to plan via telepathy.
    9. When I doesn't talk during one-on-one time and expects us to be some jukebox on demand.
    10. When I doesn't realize that socializing means two people interact with each other, and quiet time is better left to alone time.
    11. When I refuses to keep up a conversation.
    12. When you just decide to continue to talk, the I gets upset that they didn't have time to put their two cents in.
    Guilty of the bolded ones especially 10. My favorite thing in the world is to spend quiet time with another person. I understand why I'm not terribly interesting to strongly social types. I don't keep up that energy level even when I really would like to do it. Just last weekend I was at a folk music festival where I gave a workshop, and I really wanted to stay into the evening for an African dance workshop, but as I sat in my van waiting and eating my frozen lemonade, I realized I was just too tired and went home to soak in the tub. I still adore the idea of going to the dance workshop, but it really wasn't an option.

    Edit: I'm sort of the same way about people. There are always people I really like the idea of becoming friends with, but somehow I doubt anything will come of it, so I tend to be more comfortable observing. I generally like people, but don't entirely understand the whole socializing thing. It is something of a mystery to me, actually.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #79
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    ...Annoying things I's do.

    1. Flake out on parties because they can't be bothered to be extroverted, then want you to suddenly convert to Introversion when you're hanging out with them.
    There are numerous reasons an introvert will flake on a party. If you take it personally, then that's your problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    2. When I will not accept that the E doesn't want to be introverted at their whim.
    I see, so if an introvert doesn't want to go to a party and engage in E activities, that's a problem with them, but if an E "doesn't want to" do I activities, then that's the introvert's fault, too. Gotcha.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    3. When the I's complained themselves into getting their way and you're forced to pretend that it doesn't bother you that this has happened for the third time
    I have never done this.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    4. When the I never picks up that you might need their company.
    Don't you have your other extraverted friends for this? Besides, I have never once turned away a friend who needed a shoulder to cry on.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    5. When you go out together and the I pays more attention to their drink/tv than you.
    LOL. Guilty.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    6. When I's get upset just because we try to confirm they're okay by asking a simple question instead of trying to guess what's going on in their head.
    I've never been bothered by people asking me if I'm okay. It's when they don't believe me that things get problematic.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    7. When I gets annoyed by a phone call even though the E might feel more comfortable saying something over the phone
    Not guilty.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    8. They play the victim everytime an E messes up something they tried to plan via telepathy.
    At least you admit you're a bunch of mess-ups. (I'm probably guilty of this.)

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    9. When I doesn't talk during one-on-one time and expects us to be some jukebox on demand.
    10. When I doesn't realize that socializing means two people interact with each other, and quiet time is better left to alone time.
    11. When I refuses to keep up a conversation.
    Aren't these three all the same complaint?

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    12. When you just decide to continue to talk, the I gets upset that they didn't have time to put their two cents in.
    "Don't have time?" Since when is a conversation a race?
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  10. #80
    Senior Member medica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    *rant*

    STOP TRYING TO PIN ALL YOUR SOCIAL INSECURITIES ONTO ME!!
    Pot. Kettle. Black.
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