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  1. #11
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    P.S, when I mean am going to miss his wife I don't mean I've been having sex with or anything, just miss her in the other sense, if you get what I mean.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    I don't think I'd be miserable if I did this. I'd feel proud if I manged to do it. I'd be a great sense of achievement for me. Even though I'd be a fundamentalist Muslims brother, I'd get satisfaction out of impressing the sisters. They listen to sermons at home, and I know they talk so fondly of the brothers who give really violent almost jihadi type sermons. I'd get enjoyment out of getting all that admiration from Muslim girls.
    This makes you sound like such a tool.

    I can't stand up to them anymore. I can do this, it sounds nice. But I don't have the non Muslim woman to do it with. I need a woman who I could live with and move out of my own families house.
    You don't need a non-Muslim woman to start this. You need to find some balls. Your situation doesn't sound that bad to me. I've known people who have gone through worse (some far worse) in their lives (myself included). You're just unwilling to take a risk. If you don't take at least some risks, you'll eventually come to regret it.

    Am scared of conflict. And I have deep fear. Am not even fasting properly. But I don't know what am doing, am stick in two worlds. I hate my friends.
    If I were you, I'd find a job, however menial, and move out of your parents' home. If your friends are as bad of an influence as you say, I'd forget them (at least until you have the balls to stand up to them). You need to find out what life is like outside of your current environment. It will give you a very different perspective which I think will really help you in the long run.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    This makes you sound like such a tool.


    You don't need a non-Muslim woman to start this. You need to find some balls. Your situation doesn't sound that bad to me. I've known people who have gone through worse (some far worse) in their lives (myself included). You're just unwilling to take a risk. If you don't take at least some risks, you'll eventually come to regret it.


    If I were you, I'd find a job, however menial, and move out of your parents' home. If your friends are as bad of an influence as you say, I'd forget them (at least until you have the balls to stand up to them). You need to find out what life is like outside of your current environment. It will give you a very different perspective which I think will really help you in the long run.
    Am really fearful of things. Making mistakes, theres no enjoyment in my life. I want to enjoy a wife etc, without interruptions.

  4. #14
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    Am really fearful of things. Making mistakes, theres no enjoyment in my life. I want to enjoy a wife etc, without interruptions.
    Sona, I do agree with Lat's assessment in that this situation will change only when you make it change. And that is what will change your life for the better: When you finally decide to take some sort of action and accept the ramifications of your decision.

    But I also understand that people need to time to grow into a decision... so people just telling you to grow up and do something won't necessarily work.

    I remember feeling trapped in so many ways during my life, just like you; and I remember writing things similar to this, just with the details of my life instead of yours.

    There were things in my life I wanted to keep; there were things in my life I wanted to gain; and I felt like so much of my life was under the control of others, because of how they would probably respond to my choices. I was so stuck because I felt like I would lose some of the things I already had, without being ensured of gaining the things I was risking my stability for. It didn't feel very fair.

    When you get older, you realize that all of those thoughts are true. And that, in the end, it doesn't matter: You still are in charge of your life, you still have to take responsibility for your decisions, and you will have to risk what you have for what you truly desire. Right now, you are not prepared to act on them and keep hoping that someone will save you or that you can preserve something... but you can't. You either learn to love what you've got now (which it sounds like you're very unhappy with), or you risk what you can to gain what you want.

    Sometimes people get lucky and somehow manage to get everything they want; but you certainly cannot depend on that.

    So if I have to sum this up: Yes, you'll eventually have to risk things to change your life. But I would also say that you should not beat yourself up for not yet being at that point. You're unhappy enough to complain, but apparently not unhappy enough yet to risk everything you've got for what you think you want and need. One day you will get there, hopefully. It is a growing process.

    Sahara had to go through it. I've gone through it. Others have gone through it. Eventually you get old enough to realize what you need to do, and are willing to accept the consequences. So keep aiming for that day.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #15
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    GOOD NEWS!

    I talked to my mom - she gave me a hug and everything. Felt like a big baby. But I talked to her an guess what she actually said to me, that I can go visit my sisters in Pakistan, and that if I want I can get married the choice is mine. She said I should have told her before that I was feeling like this. I didn't go into too much details though. So maybe by next Sunday i might be in Punjab. Now am so excited my moms actually telling me to stay there for about 2 years. Finally I can get away from my stupid friends, I just hope they grow up.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    That's great and all. Just realize that your relationship with your future wife will be much better if you're emotionally healthy going into it.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    That's great and all. Just realize that your relationship with your future wife will be much better if you're emotionally healthy going into it.
    Am so glad, its like a ton of weight has been lifted off me. Because I also miss my sisters, my younger sister the most. Its her first time going to Punjab, and she is totally westernized. And she tells me she loves it there and its so different to what she expected it to be. I also like winding her up. She's incredibly stupid at times, like a bimbo.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    I'm guessing (hoping) there's no internet access?
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    I'm guessing (hoping) there's no internet access?
    There is, my fiancees emails me all the time, from an internet cafe.

  10. #20
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    Also my relatives in Islamabad own an internet cafe they are really PC savvy. And hardcore modders and over clockers.

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