I think there are a few things you need to consider:
a) The Situation and the Words Used:
1) Sometimes I kid and joke around with people I know really well, and they know I don't mean any kind of harm.
Caveat: I don't talk about any one particular gender with these words, and it's clear it's for humor.
2) In anger, mean things can be said that you don't intend because you lose your self-control for a moment, but it's clear you did not mean what you said.
That being said, I usually don't say words like that. If I say something mean, it's probably something along the lines of "Why are you being such an asshole?!" or "Stop talking shit for once in your crazy life!" or "Think with your OTHER head."
3) There are some words that I personally hate like the c-word (for women). UGHHHHHHHHH. Even for the vagina and not a woman, I hate the use of this word. Damn. Stop that. That's just subjective, though.
B) Who It Is:
1) If it's someone you know really well, and you know the intent and meaning, more is acceptable.
2) If you notice that someone is just being a total idiot and not kidding, it is not acceptable.
3) Never say certain words to authority figures or people you must show ultimate respect to (e.g.: boss, clients, etc.).
C) The Background:
1) If this person is usually intelligent and educated and normally does not say these words, but is really angry and talking about an abusive ex or something, you can make exceptions if he/she refers to the person as a bitch or a ... yeah "c---". The person is angry and the need to let off steam is more important than having a perfect Fe-moment.
2) If this person always uses this language, even in reference to the woman/man who he/she supposedly loves, that's a red flag. (Imagine ghetto guy, index and pinky finger pointed downwards to the right and left and the thumbs out, waving them around and saying, "Yo, my n------, I'm taking my bitch out to the movies to-NIGHT, and then I'm getting laid and...."). Well, damn, is THAT necessary?????
Any so-called man who either among men and ESPECIALLY with women present refers to women with derogatory names on a regular basis for no apparent reason is simply lacking in culture and education. That goes a step too far. Express yourself, sure. But don't degrade yourself.
Why? This kind of speech merely indicates fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of risk. Fear of difference. Fear of whatever. Take a look. Most guys and girls who use that kind of language without reason are very scared, insecure people who haven't got a clue, much less a REAL boyfriend/girlfriend. And if these people DO have one, they SURELY don't deserve it, and will probably end up, scared and alone, in their apartment complexes drinking wine and gin, listening to sad-rock 80s, and whining about how men/women suck. Ugh.