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  1. #71
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    I'm purposely going to be extreme: At what point does the condition of someone else's house become your business? The way people are talking it seems to become an issue only when child protective services are called in or the building is condemned. In my mind this situation can be avoided in some circumstances if people had only been "nosy and meddlesome." The building didn't suddenly become uninhabitable and the children didn't suddenly become neglected.

    I'm curious, if the house in question had children or animals living in squalor would Sona's complaint be justified and would people change their tune?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  2. #72
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post

    I'm curious, if the house in question had children or animals living in squalor would Sona's complaint be justified and would people change their tune?
    From anyone else yes, from Sona no, and even the yes has to have some flexibility in it, after all their standards of "squalor" could be different from mine and social services, because some people are just anal.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  3. #73
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Sona's complaints are about superficial issues (wallpaper, carpet color, etc). That's the objection of most people. Obviously if the house is a health or fire hazard, it's a completely different situation. But that's not what this thread is about.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  4. #74
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    Sona's complaints are about superficial issues (wallpaper, carpet color, etc). That's the objection of most people. Obviously if the house is a health or fire hazard, it's a completely different situation. But that's not what this thread is about.
    If Sona doesn't like the wallpaper that's his problem. My larger question was when does someone else's house become your business? When does the "obvious" occur? There are always signs leading up to the extremes, they just don't happen all of a sudden.

    ETA: Sona throws out some good nuggets for discussion if only people could stop getting so wrapped up in the superficials.
    Last edited by proteanmix; 09-13-2007 at 07:32 AM. Reason: addl thought
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    From anyone else yes, from Sona no, and even the yes has to have some flexibility in it, after all their standards of "squalor" could be different from mine and social services, because some people are just anal.
    The government give far too much money to mother with children. The mother is always favored, she gets too many kick backs from the government.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    The government give far too much money to mother with children. The mother is always favored, she gets too many kick backs from the government.
    Could you answer me to that: in all your statements in this thread, are you being serious, or just kidding?

  7. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by lastrailway View Post
    Could you answer me to that: in all your statements in this thread, are you being serious, or just kidding?
    Of course am being serious man. The problem is, am good at finding faults and making excuses for others. They have enough money to make things look nice in their house.

    Think of it like this, would you sit next to someone who smelled becouse he didn't shower often enough? while he had everything there. Theres no reason for people not to fix their hair up not have a shave etc. Don't people no shame?

  8. #78
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    The government give far too much money to mother with children. The mother is always favored, she gets too many kick backs from the government.
    And this had what to do with the discussion?
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  9. #79
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    If Sona doesn't like the wallpaper that's his problem. My larger question was when does someone else's house become your business? When does the "obvious" occur? There are always signs leading up to the extremes, they just don't happen all of a sudden.

    ETA: Sona throws out some good nuggets for discussion if only people could stop getting so wrapped up in the superficials.
    If the property is owned by a landlord who is not maintaining the property in a livable condition for tenants, he should be asked to make the needed repairs. Forced to if necessary.

    If there are children involved and the home is unsafe or dirty to the point of being dangerous (bugs, rats, no plumbing, etc) the parents should be offered assistance to make needed repairs or help with cleaning supplies, etc. If they still do not get things livable then the children should be removed until they do.

    If the owner of the home lives in the home and there are no children and his home is not a public nuisance or a major eyesore and he has been offered assistance but wants to live that way, then people should leave him alone.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  10. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    Of course am being serious man. The problem is, am good at finding faults and making excuses for others. They have enough money to make things look nice in their house.

    Think of it like this, would you sit next to someone who smelled becouse he didn't shower often enough? while he had everything there. Theres no reason for people not to fix their hair up not have a shave etc. Don't people no shame?
    Ok, if you are being serious, I 'll answer seriously.
    I am a bad examble, being myself quite maniac with hygiene. It has happened to me to be to someone's house and not accept even a glass of water because I was doubting how clean the glass would be. But this has been a case of a really very unclean person, who wouldn't wash even themselves propertly. And, in any case, I consider this to be my problem not theirs. I am the maniac, not them.
    As for making their house looking nice, I cannot answer to that either, cause it's a question of personal taste. My place is the most simplifistic you could ever find, yet I manage with the few things I have, to make my desk look messy.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    The government give far too much money to mother with children. The mother is always favored, she gets too many kick backs from the government.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    And this had what to do with the discussion?
    This statement, totally irrelevant with the discussion among other things, plus a previous statement than walls should be paint red made me think you are probably simply joking

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