Of course an NT would think that. Everything is about function, isn't it? Doesn't matter at all that I don't want to be some heroic type that puts themselves in danger's path all the time, thinks on their feet, and is expected to know exactly what to do and react appropriately without any mental or emotional preparation.
I... think this might have helped me at one point, but I'm too far gone to understand what you mean now. There is no longer a clear dichotomy in my mind, the hate and fear seem to encompass everything. I don't even comprehend the idea of goodness or love anymore, except as a set of qualities to display. They just seem like a vague myth written by aliens now.
Thanks for the effort, though.
Yay fear. Root of all suffering, eh? What are you afraid of exactly? You just need to recognize that you actually have very little to fear. I think you just need to find something you want to do and just go out and do it. Can be anything, big or small, as long as it takes you outside your comfort zone. Don't think about the possible consequences, how things could go bad. Just think that you want to do it, you're going to do it, and go do it.
I don't think I can help you, but, I don't know all that much about you. I get an inkling that the help needs to go beyond my rudimentary dialogue with you. Don't be afraid to seek it from those who are equipped to help. You/we all deserve it, owe it to self. It'll be a long, tiring life otherwise.
Honestly, reading your words drain and tire me. And, a bit of frustration at seeing you wallow in your rut. So, I can't imagine what it must do the actual person living and breathing it.
...or the person living with you.
Once again Q, you speak the truth.
Athenian - hope someday you can find the joy in life, laughter and people. We're not so bad sometimes...