User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 13

  1. #1
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default Dueling Bungholes: A Story of Triumph

    This is the second in my "A Story of..." Series. If you don't like talking about poop, well, maybe you should leave.

    Not even an hour ago I emerged victorious right when I thought I was on the verge of defeat. I think this is an excellent omen for the rest of the week.

    Unfortunately something I had for breakfast didn't sit well with me. My usual place for taking care of such matters was occupied so I went to another floor, an unfamiliar floor. I entered an empty stall, dropped trou, sat down, and noticed a pair of feet next to me. Didn't really care until I was ready to do my thing. I soon realized that person had the same objective as me. Something about the unhurried quietness of the stall occasionally interrupted by a small grunt and crumpling toilet paper. BTW, what the fuck is up with the grunting? Does no one shit gently? Am I a grunter? Are you a grunter? Then I really wanted that person gone, absolutely removed from the face of the planet. Very primal, it was.

    When I enter a bathroom, even though it's public I think there is an unspoken rule of privacy. When you sense someone's about to take a dump, you need to vacate the premises. You can see the purpose in their eyes and stride when they have to, you can feel the force of their will demanding that you leave. And you honor that, at least I do, because gotdammit I have to take dumps just like everyone else on the planet. This is our shared humanity. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Here's a chance to exercise it!

    Anyway, that's when it all went down. It felt like an eternity but it was probably no more than three minutes. I became absolutely determined this infidel was NOT going to intimidate me out of the stall. They had their time under the fluorescent sun and now it was my time.

    My first tactic was to start crumpling toilet paper as well. The crumpling of the toilet paper minus the sound of pants coming up or zipping is an indicator that this is not just a number one at McDonald's. Then I heard the same thing coming from the other stall. OK, I thought, this chick is playing hardball. I then started shifting around on the toilet seat paper trying to indicate my restlessness that they were still there. Heard the same thing coming from other stall then a couple of soft splashes in the water. Up till now, I hadn't smelled any funk but it wafted over to my stall. I couldn't believe it! I hadn't even started yet! I felt like I had been bitch slapped in both nostrils! I was ready to give up.

    I don't know, out of nowhere, defiance mixed with the nausea rose up my throat. NO! I thought to myself. NO, NO, NO!! I went utterly silent. Didn't move, didn't do anything. I was just going to wait her out. She went silent too. This was the hard part right here. Then finally, I heard the toilet paper roiling, pants coming up, and zipping, handwashing, and the door closed. YES!! I won! I didn't realize how tense my bowels were. I felt so exhausted, but I was happy that I won. I did my thing and left (washed my hands of course ). I felt exhilarated.

    I know this is extremely personal, but I wanted to share this with everyone. I was a winner this Monday morning and want everyone else to know that they can be winners as well. Dreams do still come true in this world of ours.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    OMG this is hilarious... because I've lived through it too! That's just how it is!

    (And next time, I swear to God, I'm gonna outlast you... and you're going to crawl out of there on hands and needs, pants around your ankles, and beg for mercy!! And I'll just shoot air freshener around the bathroom in a dance of triumph!)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #3
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7~7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,785

    Default

    If you take metamucil regularly, you are always a winner Your analysis paralysis aside, if you ingest alot of fiber in your daily diet then every bowel experience is a good one. At the very least, your time in the stall is but a brief one. You can even laugh at those grunters with the satisfaction of knowing (even ahead of time) that grunting is a weakness created by ones own actions due to poor diet. Should you accidently laugh out loud, you also have the confidence of knowing you will be able to exit in an expedient fashion. (After all, what are they gonna do? Pinch it off halfway and chase you down for an argument about bathroom sensitivity. <can of worms now open.)

    i do think you are wrong when being intolerant about grunters. i think we should embrace our primitive instincts. We are not a perfect beast, but in order to be perfect, one has to be imperfect. i also think this modern intolerance of being fickle about nuances such as grunting and stench is because we've left the days when there was alot of fiber in our diet.

    i also suggest an assignment to break your intolerance. Volunteer at an animal shelter and request cleanup duties for the kennels
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  4. #4
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by professor goodstain View Post
    If you take metamucil regularly, you are always a winner
    Indeed...

    OMG, I just laughed so hard when I read these posts. Public facilities are for pure emergencies only!

  5. #5
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    I don't know, protean. It kind of sounds like she won. She crapped first, right?
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  6. #6
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I don't know, protean. It kind of sounds like she won. She crapped first, right?
    Gotdammit, I didn't think of that.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  7. #7
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    Yeah, see...dudes just go for it. I mean, it's not pleasant if the guy next to me is particularly smelly or noisy, but life goes on.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    No we don't. Not necessarily.

    If I enter the washroom and another guy is already in a stall I'll usually leave and come back in five minutes. If he isn't done by then he should have more fibre in his diet.

    If I'm dropping a deuce and a couple of jolly ol' fellows enter and start having a conversation while they stand at the urinals, well... I figure it's my duty to smoke 'em out. There's no talking in the washroom, dammit. It's well established Man Code.

  9. #9
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I don't know, protean. It kind of sounds like she won. She crapped first, right?
    BWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    824

    Default

    I tend to plug my ears when in a public stall. I figure if I can't hear them, they aren't there, and if I can't hear me, neither can anyone else.

Similar Threads

  1. A Story of Awesome
    By Costrin in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-17-2009, 07:12 AM
  2. The Story of Your Life: What is the Title?
    By Synarch in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 62
    Last Post: 12-15-2008, 05:49 PM
  3. Story of Stuff
    By 01011010 in forum Home, Garden and Nature
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-30-2008, 09:15 AM
  4. Funny & Inappropriate Stories of Friends and Accidents
    By CzeCze in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 11-13-2007, 05:23 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO