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Thread: Boy Problems

  1. #11
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    Here's what you do:

    Find a boy that isn't interested in you and doesn't have a girlfriend. Befriend him and hang around him a lot. Other guys will think you are dating and will leave you alone if they want to date you. Then any guy you get to know after that will be (more or less) satisfied to be your friend. ...And if you find a guy that you want to date, then let him know that all these guys are just your friends and that you aren't dating anyone.
    This is an almost certain way to get a guy who wasn't interested in you before interested in you now (or scared of you) imo. Unless he's really into one of your friends (even that isn't a safe bet) or is secretly gay.

    On the whole, I think Toonia is offering the best advice. Boys are mean and smelly and are not to be trusted. Give them a miss for 5 years or so. You wouldn't be missing much. Make lots of female friends instead. Sadly I am aware that you will most likely (for fewer reasons than you suppose) completely disregard this advice.

  2. #12
    Oberon
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    Your best bet to get what you're looking for is to hang out with guys who are gay.


  3. #13
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    I don't know what it is with enfp's at Niffers age and having 'girl friends' but it seems to be an impossible task. You may have one or two but a whole group (which is what you crave) it just doesn't seem to happen.

    I don't understand why but it it doesn't seem to be until you're older that you find the female friends....
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
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  4. #14
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by targo View Post
    I don't know what it is with enfp's at Niffers age and having 'girl friends' but it seems to be an impossible task. You may have one or two but a whole group (which is what you crave) it just doesn't seem to happen.

    I don't understand why but it it doesn't seem to be until you're older that you find the female friends....
    Is it because the E-FPs girls are so proficient with guys that the other girls are jealous? E-FP's have a great deal going for them to form any groups of friends. There are many personality types in a far, far worse position for gathering up a gaggle of girls. Take any NT girl for starters - they're the ones who would have more trouble pulling it off, although they would be fine without it in most cases. INF's may long for it, but won't succeed in many cases. If the E-FPs girls can't pull it off, who the hell can?
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  5. #15
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    Good question toonia....

    I had a very close friend say to me one day that I was the only female that she knew that wasn't trying to be someone I wasn't, that I didn't compare myself to other women and what you see is what you get I am just me. She told me it was refreshing to be able to be around me and not feel like she was being picked over or being compared.

    But being like that can not always been seen as such a thing and it can come back and bite you in the ass.

    I have to wonder if Niffer is like that. A child who is just as she is, the boys enjoy that b/c she's not fake and she's not trying to be anything more than herself, but girls would be intimidated by that.

    I have no idea who can be a big group of girls but I have seen them, I have wished for them but I think it's only in very special circumstances that it occurs and I think still in larger group you are only really good friends with a few.
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
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  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by oberon67 View Post
    I can tell you for sure, nothing makes a guy feel more like a nebbish than getting shot down romantically by a girl he's interested in. Oh, wait...scratch that...the one thing that makes him feel like MORE of a nebbish is to continue to hang out with the girl who shot him down. It's like he's saying "Okay, I'll continue to be your puppy just in the hopes that you might one day decide you're interested in me." It's hard on a guy's self-respect.

    This perception is not your fault, and in fact may have nothing to do with you at all; it's a function of the guy's self-image. That's not fair to you, but does explain things I think.
    This is dead on. It's like staying at a company where you have been specifically told that you will never be promoted. It's not fun to watch other people promoted ahead of you to a job you think you're perfect for, and then to be told that you're very valuable in the job you currently perform. It sounds a little hollow and convenient, even if it isn't.

  7. #17
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    This is an almost certain way to get a guy who wasn't interested in you before interested in you now (or scared of you) imo. Unless he's really into one of your friends (even that isn't a safe bet) or is secretly gay.

    On the whole, I think Toonia is offering the best advice. Boys are mean and smelly and are not to be trusted. Give them a miss for 5 years or so. You wouldn't be missing much. Make lots of female friends instead. Sadly I am aware that you will most likely (for fewer reasons than you suppose) completely disregard this advice.

    Hey, the best solutions for an EN_P are not the ones that minimize risk, but the ones that maximize adventure.
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  8. #18
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    ...>_< *overwhelmed by responses*

    Thanks for all the suggestions and great advice, especially from Jen and toonia.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    I think it would help if you stopped suspecting that at any moment they'd ask you out. It probably makes you look really nervous and that can make it seem like you like them (this is all based on the theory that when you DO like someone, you get nervous). And it'd make you feel better about enjoying their company.
    I will use this comment to help redefine the issue.

    a) I don't get nervous.
    b) I don't really think about it when I'm in their vicinity unless they constantly hint at it (which can be somewhat flattering until they want me to respond). In other words, I do enjoy their company. This is the problem. On top of that, it is very hard for me to refuse friendships. I don't believe I've ever done it before - it's just too awkward for me to do.
    c) And because of b), I end up flaking out because I don't want to hurt their feelings since I'm their friend already but they just push and push for a positive response which I can only deny them because I DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. It's sometimes fun to flirt but I generally don't find the concept of highschool dating very appealing any more..at least at the moment.

    A number of you suggested on focusing on female friends or acquiring new ones to replace them and stuff like that. These are all very good ideas, but it would be too much trouble to specifically go out and do that just to make up for it...besides..I have ample friends, both male and female, that I hang around a lot all the time...(actually my closest male friends either *are* gay or they look/seem gay [infjs]).

    So if I have enough friends, exactly why does it bother me that I'm losing a few male ones here and there? I suppose it can't really affect me long-term, but I prefer to "end" friendships, or let things float away, on as good a note as possible. When I'm building friendships with them/they're hitting on me/whatever's going on, it can get really stressful at times when I begin to realize their true motives, but am unable to, or do not want to, completely cut off all contact with them. They're generally nice people, and they look alright too, so it amuses me to talk to them. As well, they put in a lot of effort into getting along with me and I really enjoy feeling that effort from the receiving end - they put in a lot more effort before I reject them, for obvious reasons. I always do feel chemistry at work when I'm in their company (the kind that makes you fall in love with your friends as friends), but I believe it's mostly because they're creating it themselves, because after I tell them I'm not interested (although I'd like to remain friends with them), it completely fades away. That leaves me feeling rather empty, as well as guilty, because I don't often feel that kind of chemistry with other people I meet. So in other words, I fall completely in love with them - as friends.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
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  9. #19
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    If she was older, we could just tell her to wear a wedding ring.

    (Is there anything comparable nowadays, where you could say you're dating someone from another school?)
    Haha. Actually, this one time I was wearing a ring on my ring finger and a few adults I'd just met through my parents congratulated me on marrying so young - they thought I was in college.

    But, no...that wouldn't work because everyone around here knows pretty much anyone else in the district that's anybody...or at least those that would ask.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  10. #20
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Niffer View Post
    And is there any way to stop this?
    Short of modifying the way in which men and women normally relate to each other, no.

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