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  • Nothing new

    16 69.57%
  • Idea scares me a little

    1 4.35%
  • This never occured to me- but it is nothing special

    6 26.09%
  • This never occured to me- idea scares me a little.

    0 0%
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Thread: How do you deal with the fact that you don't have a name ?

  1. #31


    i have a meaningful name and it was chosen with this meaning in mind.

    like the rest of my life, it is a mysterious puzzle for interpretations. how much has my mothers selection of the name been a somewhat pathological deluded projection of disintegration, reflecting 'reversed' ideals. in how far is my striving to live up to the name a striving for a false self? a striving to become who my mother was trying to be. in how much was my mother making the choice from a natural wisdom, about who i will truly become. in how far have i truly/authentically become, what my mother wished me to be, generally or specifically when she was choosing the name.

    i have not solve the puzzle.

    but i like the name, and will like it, even if i will find, that it does not match my true nature, or does match it only very partially, or even if i just grow beyond it, and dis-identify. for i should own my past and honor my mother.

    its weird how it does not get to me, when strangers dare do use the name to talk to "me". i think, it should offend me in some cases, where they use the name without comprehension of me or the name.

    but like with a trauma, i have grown numb, and i cannot really feel into it.

    they don't really mean me, and somehow they have stolen my name from me, by associating the name to this imaginary other.

    btw, nanook is not my real name. but i am strongly identified with nanook by know, i have 'molded' it for me.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Array
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    Apr 2009


    LOL idea scares me a little. Well, you're right.

  3. #33


    I disagree with the assumption taken. None of the options apply. I believe people do truly have names. That being said I don't believe you are your name, but that your name is you... in a loose sense.

    My reasons are biblical so wont bore you with any detail. But there you go.

  4. #34
    12 and a half weeks Array BerberElla's Avatar
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    Sep 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Curzon View Post
    you are right. it is a shame. it would be better if we got to choose our own names once we have grown up.

    ps - you don't like your name do you?

    Yeah that would have been cool, but then what if I chose something I later stopped liking?

    I chose my kids names, and now that I am a different person I wish I had not chosen those names because much as they will not define themselves by those names, they will be defined by other people because of those names.

    They have arabic names, like I do, and it would be easier to go day by day not having people hear my name and say to me "are you a muslim" simply because of my name. Then I have to go through the whole "No I am not" followed by their judgement on me because of it.

    It frustrates me to think I have set my own children up for the same thing later on in life.

    Maybe I should change my name and theirs now.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

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  5. #35
    Protocol Droid Array Athenian200's Avatar
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    Jul 2007


    To quote Shakespeare:

    "What's in a name? That which we call a rose
    By any other name would smell as sweet."

    And Emily Dickinson:

    I'm nobody! Who are you?
    Are you nobody, too?
    Then there's a pair of us don't tell!
    They'd banish us, you know.
    How dreary to be somebody!
    How public, like a frog
    To tell your name the livelong day
    To an admiring bog!

    In other words, doesn't really bother me.

  6. #36
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
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    I tend to see one's "name" as perhaps matching or not matching their essence, since the name is assigned by parents/family. I think everyone has an essence (a la LeGuin's "Earthsea" stuff) that marks them uniquely. Still, the "usename" we were each given impacts our development as a person, so it's not just a label, it's a definer.

    Names were often descriptive (in the old Hebrew, names literally were words that meant something in the language -- which is what maybe Argus is getting at -- and meant to mark something about the child, the family, or the situation they were in, or the aspirations for the child, etc.) We lose sight of this in English, where "Susan" (for example) is only a name, not an actual noun or verb or adjective in the English language.

    As for me, I chose my name... so I'm happy. There's still issues though, such as:

    Quote Originally Posted by Curzon View Post
    you are right. it is a shame. it would be better if we got to choose our own names once we have grown up.
    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Yeah that would have been cool, but then what if I chose something I later stopped liking?
    It's a nice idea, and idealistically it makes sense. From a practical standpoint, though, your original "stamping" still changes you and is part of your historical arc and can't really be forgotten or ignored. Also, it gets ingrained in you and you still assign it to yourself to some degree. When you hear others say it, your ears can't help but perk up, until you realize they are no longer talking to you.

    Probably the closest common example in modern culture is women who take their husband's name; they still identify with the maiden name a long time, and while the association can be switched over, it takes awhile usually.

    But yeah, what if you eventually stop liking the name you picked? at that point it becomes just a "name" again.

    Rather than focusing on the external signifier, I like to focus on the self-discovery of learning who I really am -- to me, that is my essence and my "name."
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #37


    This brings into mind a quote by an unknown author that goes something like this: "A name is but a word to separate face from fact".

    I prefer to be called by my name and not by "Hey, you!". But otherwise, I don't even think about my name until somebody calls me.

  8. #38
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Array Mole's Avatar
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    Mar 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    I am curious how people think/feel about this.

    From my perspective people don't have names. In most cases parents or grandparents are the ones that will choose a name for a baby.

    But they are only choosing a name that will be attached to this person.
    What means that this is just an agreement between people this in not a real fact.

    With time people accept that this is their "code". Even if they don't like it.
    (or they just change it). But this was never something more then agreement.
    Even if you like your name you technically don't have one.
    What means that a core of your personal identity is just a vague agreement.

    The fact that people get nicknames also proves that there is no such a thing a real name.
    Most things are given to us.

    We are given our life.
    We are given our family.
    We are given our social class.
    We are given our gender.
    We are given our colour.
    We are given our personality.
    We are given our religion.

    We are given our country.
    And we are given our civilization.

    We are given literacy.
    And now we are given the Noosphere.

    We are given our hunger.
    We are given love.
    At puberty, we are given desire.
    We are given children.
    And finally we are given death.

    And of course we are given a name.
    We are called by a name.
    A name calls us into social existence.
    The first duty of any leader is to name, and we have been named and called into social existence.

    And it is our duty to integrate everything we have been given into a whole. Or you might say, our first duty is to become holy. And our second duty is to transcend what we have been given, or to transcend the taken-for-granted. And transcending the taken-for-granted is called ecstasy.

    So our first duty is holiness. And our second duty is ecstasy.

    But how do we become holy. And, for heaven's sake, how do we become ecstatic?

    Well, there is intellectual integrity and intellectual courage.
    And there is moral integrity and moral courage.
    And of course there is physical integrity and physical courage.

    Physical courage is quite common, as all police and soldiers have physical courage; and a mother will defend her children as a lioness defends her cubs.

    But moral courage is rare.

    I often wonder why and I think it is that physical courage bonds us to the group, while moral courage, at its finest, means transcending the group.

    So moral courage will often mean being ostracized by the group. And in tribal cultures this would usually mean your death, while even Ancient Romans preferred death to exile.

    So while physical courage has many extrinsic rewards, moral courage only has intrinsic rewards.

    The only reward you get for moral courage is a smile in the mirror in the morning.

    While the reward for physical courage is a smile from everyone you meet.

    So the question is - can an inner smile outshine the all the outer smiles?

    And I am afraid for most of us the answer is: no.

    But is there anything sweeter than the sound of our own name?

    So just call me Victor and put a smile on my face.
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  9. #39
    Senior Member Array ceecee's Avatar
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    Apr 2008


    I like my name, even if it's been a lifetime of correcting spelling and repeating. The explanation was that they wanted it to be different/stand out/be memorable or whatever my age of Aquarius parents were thinking.

    With my own children, I didn't change any spelling or give them unique names. I chose a couple names and after they were born I saw which name "fit" them best. They also like their names.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  10. #40
    Was E.laur Array Laurie's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    I went with traditional names because I want my children to respect their names. I also like to use a full name (i.e. catherine instead of kate) because that way they have the ability to pick whatever name they want to use. We also chose names that have to do with the family. My 3rd daughter's first and middle name are from both sides of both families

    On the idea of a child choosing their own name, I would rather have my parents pick my name than a 5 year old child, even if it's me.

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