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  1. #21
    Gotta catch you all! Blackmail!'s Avatar
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    This thread reminds me somehow of an old joke.
    Here is the story:

    ---

    The most famous scientists on Earth predict that the continents will all be flooded by a gigantic wave in less than thirty days.
    So the medias ask several religious personalities what should mankind do during their last remaining days.

    The Imam of Al Azhar says: "Well, this is the will of Allah! There's nothing we can do! Inch'allah!"

    The Pope says: "We should pray together for the salvation of every souls!"

    The great Rabbi of Jerusalem says: "We have one month to adapt the human specie to aquatic life..."

    "A man who only drinks water has a secret to hide from his fellow-men" -Baudelaire

    7w8 SCUxI

  2. #22
    Senior Member lowtech redneck's Avatar
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    This is from an old t-shirt of mine:

    Taoism: Shit happens

    Confucianism: Confucias say; Shit happens

    Hinduism: This shit has happened before

    Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah

    Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it

    Protestantism: Let shit happen to somebody else

    Judaism: Why is this shit always happening to me?

    Atheism: I don't believe this shit

    Agnosticism: What is this shit?

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by lowtech redneck View Post
    This is from an old t-shirt of mine:

    Taoism: Shit happens

    Confucianism: Confucias say; Shit happens

    Hinduism: This shit has happened before

    Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah

    Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it

    Protestantism: Let shit happen to somebody else

    Judaism: Why is this shit always happening to me?

    Atheism: I don't believe this shit

    Agnosticism: What is this shit?
    jews never suffer, or do they?

  4. #24
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    I was talking to a Jewish friend today and she pretty much summed up Judaism like this:

    "They tried to kill us, but they couldn't. So let's eat!"
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  5. #25
    Senior Member mockingbird's Avatar
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    Charismatic Christianity: "Don't ask questions, just enjoy the ride."
    Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
    ~ Groucho Marx

  6. #26
    Twerking & Lurking ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    I love these!
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

  7. #27
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Assume Sin=Debt


    Judaism: Everyone is born in debt, and will likely accrue more over the course of a lifetime, but you have to pay it back before the end of your life in order to have good enough credit to enter Heaven.

    Christianity: Everyone is born in debt, and will likely accrue more, but you don't have to worry about it because your Uncle Jesus will pay it off for you if you beseech him, and prove that you're earnest enough in your efforts to deserve it.

    Some religion I don't remember the name of: You are born with either debt or a surplus based on past life actions, and you are reborn until you break even, at which point you ascend to the next level.

    Agnosticism: You don't know if you're in debt, how much debt, or how to pay it back, but you believe that debt could exist.

    Atheism: You don't believe there's such a thing as debt.

  8. #28
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Judaism: Everyone is born in debt, and will likely accrue more over the course of a lifetime, but you have to pay it back before the end of your life in order to have good enough credit to enter Heaven.
    You're thinking of Catholicism.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  9. #29
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    You're thinking of Catholicism.
    yeah, that's much more Catholic than Jewish.

    Christianity: Everyone is born in debt, and will likely accrue more, but you don't have to worry about it because your Uncle Jesus will pay it off for you if you beseech him, and prove that you're earnest enough in your efforts to deserve it.
    Actually, in that analogy, "We're all born in insurmountable debt; if you sign a contract with Jesus, he'll pay your card off for you as long as you submit the bills, and if you don't sign up for the Jesus plan, you'll be going to jail for the rest of eternity."

    Unfortunately, that didn't come off nearly as funny as I had hoped.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #30
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    yeah, that's much more Catholic than Jewish.



    Actually, in that analogy, "We're all born in insurmountable debt; if you sign a contract with Jesus, he'll pay your card off for you as long as you submit the bills, and if you don't sign up for the Jesus plan, you'll be going to jail for the rest of eternity."

    Unfortunately, that didn't come off nearly as funny as I had hoped.
    Something like that.

    Judaism is more like:

    "Your debt is with humanity, not God. If you try to pay off your debt three times and your creditor still refuses to take it, it's because he cares little about the debt and just wants you liable. If this happens, your debt is forgiven by God and you don't owe your creditor a damn thing."
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

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