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  1. #1841
    Sniffles
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    Dear member,
    I see you made bail, in light of your recent rampage with a stolent bulldozer and throwing a puppy at bikers.

  2. #1842
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Hahahahaha rofl

    He was arrested later at home by police. The 26-year-old is said to have stopped taking depression medication.

    After making his getaway on the bulldozer, he had driven so slowly that a 5km tailback built up behind him on the motorway...

    "What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear," a police spokesman said.
    damn pain meds, should've listened to the doctor
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #1843
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Hahahahaha rofl



    damn pain meds, should've listened to the doctor
    Wait... it said that he "dropped his shorts, and then proceeded to drive a bulldozer"... does this mean he streaked the whole way?

  4. #1844
    Senior Member ObeyBunny's Avatar
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    Dear member:

    I have nothing to say to you in particular, but I think this joke I copied from some website is right up your ally:
    ---
    ---
    ---
    ---
    One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

    "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

    Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

    "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

    "Good god", says the man, "You're 27 and you still believe in goblins?!"
    Q: "What is the process of seeking the truth?"
    A: "Distilled liquor"

    Q: "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
    A: "Between a starving prostitute and a steak sandwich."

    Q:How would a mathematician capture an elephant?
    A:He would build a cage, step inside, and rename his new location as "outside."

  5. #1845
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by ObeyBunny View Post
    Dear member:

    I have nothing to say to you in particular, but I think this joke I copied from some website is right up your ally:
    ---
    ---
    ---
    ---
    One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

    "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

    Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

    "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

    "Good god", says the man, "You're 27 and you still believe in goblins?!"
    Dear member,

    You know what makes me tick.

    With spider ejaculatory fluid,

    Tater.

  6. #1846
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ObeyBunny View Post
    Dear member:

    I have nothing to say to you in particular, but I think this joke I copied from some website is right up your ally:
    ---
    ---
    ---
    ---
    One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

    "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

    Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

    "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

    "Good god", says the man, "You're 27 and you still believe in goblins?!"
    haha, damn straight *tips hat to a clever goblin*
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #1847
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    dear member,

    I don't care about you anyway or the other

    cheers m8

  8. #1848
    Senior Member ObeyBunny's Avatar
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    Dear members:

    Here's another:
    ----
    A Guy is driving his girlfriend to her home when she suddenly decides wants to go to her friend’s house instead.

    Her friend lives quite a bit out of the way, so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ‘ok’ and the girl takes off all her clothes and they begin driving down the road to the girl’s friend’s house.

    Meanwhile, The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he crashes the car and gets wedged between the steering wheel and the seat.

    He tells her to go get help.

    She replied that she couldn’t because she wasn’t wearing any clothes.

    He replies, “Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!”

    She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?"

    The clerk replies, "I’m sorry, I think he's too far in.”
    Q: "What is the process of seeking the truth?"
    A: "Distilled liquor"

    Q: "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
    A: "Between a starving prostitute and a steak sandwich."

    Q:How would a mathematician capture an elephant?
    A:He would build a cage, step inside, and rename his new location as "outside."

  9. #1849
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    Dear fly,

    Would you kindly remove yourself from my presence?

    With love,
    The Outsider.

  10. #1850
    Senior Member Warm's Avatar
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    Dear Member,

    Read me a bedtime story.

    Warm
    "Your voice is like chocolate...dreamy."
    --WildHorses

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