User Tag List

First 123

Results 21 to 29 of 29

  1. #21
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,702

    Default

    I can't even verbalize how much I hate passive-aggressive behavior. My mother did it too. In fact I know far more woman than men who participate in it.

    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    My question then holds: what about avoiding conflict or unpleasant confrontation is so offensive? And what is the opposite of that, and why is it better and less damaging? Or, wait, does damage even come into the equation?
    It's offensive because it breeds more and more and more conflict. "IT" causes more conflict than being some sort of substitute for real, constructive confrontation of a issue, head on. It's spineless and destructive and I'm willing to bet, a much bigger problem than the conflict a passive-aggressive person is trying so hard to avoid.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  2. #22
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Thing about the communication loop is, doesn't it take 2?

    No matter how constructively a person 'chooses' to confront the other person, it's still up to the other party to respond, whether or not there is a level of respect we each have for one another?

    When I my boundaries get crossed, even if I voice myself, be friendly, sometimes, firm, I still think it's up to the other person to make a choice in which they behave.

    Btw, I also think that if people like us enough, even if the other person may come across as 'too nice' or 'too friendly,' it's still up to that person to respond the way they do, correct? If someone offers to be taken advantaged of, it's also the other person's choice to 'take advantage' instead of blame the other person. It's about intentions?

    So when bullies blame victims for taking lunch money, and saying that the the victim 'chooses to victimize' themselves, it's actually the bully who chooses to act that way, and instead, blames the person for being passive-aggressive, when in fact, they're overly aggressive, and making excuses for poor behavior, I think.. Maybe it's a way to save-face?

    That being said, I like people who respect boundaries when we're personally communicating. If a passive-aggressive starts chewing me out 4m underneath their breath, without noting why I'm upset, I politely walk away.. That in itself isn't passive-aggressive, right? It's called self-respect. I know when someone is sincere, even when they're mad, when they behave in such a way. Speaks volumes about their intentions, how they view me, overall. I'd rather re-focus my time, attention elsewhere. I know my explanations aren't as literal. That's how I see it. Great topic!

  3. #23
    Senior Member Alpha Prime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    XXXX
    Enneagram
    XXXX
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    250

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    No matter how constructively a person 'chooses' to confront the other person, it's still up to the other party to respond, whether or not there is a level of respect we each have for one another?
    In my experience it's better to confront them. They may grasp the situation better, and unload their blame on you.
    Hit like a heavyweight, breathe deep, meditate
    Make the whole crowd get loud, make 'em levitate
    I ride through my city like a presidential candidate
    L-A-X, Phantom double-R, and accelerate

  4. #24
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    eNFP
    Enneagram
    ;) sx
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    637

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alpha Prime View Post
    and unload their blame on you.
    Isn't that a bad thing?
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
    ___________________

  5. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Shaggy and briochick, what you two are talking about doesn't sound like passive-aggressive behavior at all. That's more like intelligent, mature, and rational behavior. (Assertiveness.) You don't have always to be gun-ho to be considered assertive. Not everything is worth a battle, and that's just smart.

    If you want to know why people hate passive-aggressive behavior so much, just pretend like the word passive isn't there. It's aggressive! And it's selfish and immature. That's a lot different than being passive, or starting out passive and becoming assertive if the need arises.

    Flat out aggressive behavior is often preferred over passive-aggressive behavior because at least you know where an aggressive person stands, while the passive-aggressive person always has you guessing. (Of course this depends on the degree of aggression in both cases.)

    Quick recap for all:

    Aggressive = Asshole.
    Assertive = Good
    Passive = Bad, but mostly for yourself
    Passive-Aggressive = Timid Asshole

    I like dealing with the first three categories more, but that doesn't mean I hate the last category of people. I feel more pity for them than hatred, and I'd rather help them than condemn them.

    The word coward is quite a strong word and when I use it I don't mean it to be as degrading as it sounds. (In this case, at least.) Just being timid is no crime. But intentionally making other people suffer because of your own fear makes you worthy of being called a coward, in my opinion.

    Still, even if a person is passive-AGGRESSIVE and cowardly, that doesn't necessarily mean they are pathetic human beings. It's not always such a heinous offense. Sometimes it's just a natural phase of power shifting and sometimes it's little more than an annoying trait.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  6. #26
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    If a passive-aggressive starts chewing me out 4m underneath their breath, without noting why I'm upset, I politely walk away.. That in itself isn't passive-aggressive, right? It's called self-respect.
    No. I agree with you, it's self-respect. It's often the smart thing to do. As far as I'm concerned, passive-aggression refers to behavior and not thoughts. So, even if you think someone is a completely rude jackass but decide to walk away because it's the smart thing to do, that's still not passive-aggressive. It's when you walk away and then spread nasty rumors about them instead of trying to solve the issue directly that you'd be behaving in a passive-aggressive way.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  7. #27
    / booyalab's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    1,511

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    What is it really?
    I'd describe it as the inability to initiate personal confrontation coupled with the inability to pretend the underlying desire for it doesn't exist.

    Who has a right to claim others have it?
    Technically, anyone whose government guarantees them the right to free speech.

    Who should accept that they do consistently exhibit unhealthy aggressive behavior, similar but opposed to those who exhibit bullying or rage (for the record we're counting losing your temper often and purposefully intimidating, openly manipulating, and insulting other people as also being unhealthy aggressive behavior), do about it?
    I don't understand the wording in this sentence.

    I think passive aggression is annoying, but I can see the benefits over straight up aggression. It's theoretically possible to avoid confronting somebody over an issue forever and the most you have to worry about is their perpetual irritation towards you. But there are a lot more serious risks associated with making it obvious to someone that you want to be mortal enemies. Civilization depends on people not going ballistic over every slight.
    I don't wanna!

  8. #28
    Lasting_Pain
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alpha Prime View Post
    Def: Exerting aggression in a non-direct way.

    Unresolved aggression leads to resentment. Imagine several unresolved cases/issues, in one relationship: Bitchassness, pronto!


    Passive aggression is cowardly and stupid.
    I am not stupid

  9. #29
    Senior Member Alpha Prime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    XXXX
    Enneagram
    XXXX
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    250

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Isn't that a bad thing?
    Translation: So they can take back their blame, and deal with the situation in a more constructive way.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lasting_Pain View Post
    I am not stupid
    Stop being so emo, and grow what is found below your intp-ness.
    Hit like a heavyweight, breathe deep, meditate
    Make the whole crowd get loud, make 'em levitate
    I ride through my city like a presidential candidate
    L-A-X, Phantom double-R, and accelerate

Similar Threads

  1. Which type is the most passive-aggressive?
    By Triglav in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 05-07-2015, 12:55 PM
  2. Passive Aggressive
    By Survive & Stay Free in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 07-18-2014, 06:08 PM
  3. Seattle Stereotype- Passive Aggressive?
    By Sparrow in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 07-24-2010, 01:21 PM
  4. Poll: Passive-Aggressive Peacemaking or Abrasive Honesty?
    By Wonkavision in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 08-09-2009, 08:20 PM
  5. [ENFJ] Angry/hurt ENFJs and passive-aggressiveness
    By Harlow_Jem in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-23-2008, 11:35 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO