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  1. #11
    Lasting_Pain
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    I'll admit I suffer from the disorder, even if it should be called a disorder. I usually vent my aggression towards other things in my life.

  2. #12
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    Passive aggressive behavior is cowardly and indirect. That's not that big of a deal usually, though, since the person being resisted is probably a jackass anyway. In that case, you deserve each other. But if you have any respect for a person (or yourself) you shouldn't behave in a passive aggressive manner.

    It's not a super bad thing. It's just that for whatever reason, you guys react differently to opposition. You're not bad people. The level of respect that you give to others is probably correlated with the amount of respect they give to you. But... build some self-respect.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. #13
    Member Shaggy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    Passive aggressive behavior is cowardly and indirect. That's not that big of a deal usually, though, since the person being resisted is probably a jackass anyway. In that case, you deserve each other. But if you have any respect for a person (or yourself) you shouldn't behave in a passive aggressive manner.

    It's not a super bad thing. It's just that for whatever reason, you guys react differently to opposition. You're not bad people. The level of respect that you give to others is probably correlated with the amount of respect they give to you. But... build some self-respect.
    What does passive-agressive mean to you? I have been acused of being a push-over in the past, but have grown since then. I don't let people step on my feet anymore, but I don't get caught up in pety bull***t that is meaningless. If that pety bull***t continues I'll make it very clear it's in that person's best interest to take a couple steps back and take the drama elsewhere. I was passive-agressive then and I'm passive-aggressive now. When I'm attacked I will push back, but I'm unlikely to intitate the conflict.

  4. #14
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
    When I'm attacked I will push back, but I'm unlikely to intitate the conflict.
    For the most part I agree. My only difference is with children, where as a teacher I have to tell them their behavior is "not ok" AND be consistent. I've learned that both ignoring their bad behavior and blowing up about it fosters more bad behavior.

    On that note: if passive-aggressive behavior, or a desire to avoid conflict, is entirely a bad thing, then how is it that it can essentially be written into Asian culture? The majority of Asians you meet will not address a conflict in a "head on" manner. I have seen many Westerners use that as a base to hate/dislike/be prejudiced toward all Asians, but it has made me wonder if our modes of confrontation (and the way we use the term passive aggressive) are more cultural than good/bad.

    Now, granted, true passive-aggression is bad. And I've been known to exhibit it. I certainly can remember moments as a child. But then my ESTP brother was "exhibiting" it when he was 13 and, instead of saying he wanted to quit violin, he played so badly on purpose that my parents told him he didn't have to practice anymore.

    I know some people seem to consider any and all notes or letters "passive aggressive" even if they are quite clearly expressing a sentiment. And...what if it has nothing at all to do with being a coward? My co-worker did some stuff that offended me and I didn't say anything not because I was uncomfortable with her but because I thought that maybe it was a hill I didn't need to die on. A few months later when it turned out that it *was* a hill a needed to die on I called up the Korean head teacher and had her stand in (as a mode of support for the Korean co-worker I was very possibly about to blast), and made a meeting, and told my co-worker my peace. Could I have done it 3 months earlier? Sure. Could I have done it then and been sure that my motives were anything other than "I want my way all the time"? No.

    I'm very sorry to hear about the passive-aggressive mother. That must have been very difficult as a child.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  5. #15
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    I always viewed passive-aggression as a round-about version of aggression. Like, indirectly attacking somebody, or attacking somebody in a way that can't be tied back to you.

    Telling lies about somebody behind their back ...
    Masking a verbal attack under a compliment or sarcasm ...
    Purposely setting somebody up for failure ...
    Damaging somebody's personal property behind their back ...

    Stuff like that. I don't communicate very well, and sometimes the things I don't communicate will build to a head. Once upon a time, I would take it upon myself to do something passive-aggressive at that point. I did some pretty shameful things, too.

    These days I can recognise when I'm doing something out of spite or anger and question my actions before-hand. If I recognise my actions leading to passive-aggression, I stomp on the idea and scold myself internally. It's extremely childish behavior.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Alpha Prime's Avatar
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    Passive aggressive people can lick some salty balls for all I care. They're spineless and invite bad relationships.
    Hit like a heavyweight, breathe deep, meditate
    Make the whole crowd get loud, make 'em levitate
    I ride through my city like a presidential candidate
    L-A-X, Phantom double-R, and accelerate

  7. #17
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    People here about passive agressiveness and think it sounds cool. They then go to apply it to themselves with an unadequet definiton embeded in them, thinking it to be a 'cool' thing to be passive agressive, developing their ego even more in the favor of what they want.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  8. #18
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Alpha: Why exactly do you think that? And which of the many definitions of passive aggressive (or all of them) do you find so personally offensive. Can you give an example of why you think it invites bad relationships?

    onewithsoul: that's interesting, can you please give an example?
    -Brio

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  9. #19
    Member Shaggy's Avatar
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    After thinking about this subject more and reading briochick post on Asian culture, I'm starting to see how passive-agressive could be precieved as a behaviour trait that manipulates situations out of spite. Rather than, dealing with conflict head on. This I a low tolerance for. I don't play games.

    On the subject of acceptance and Cultural differences, who is to say what is good or bad except for the people directly effected from the situation. Then, those people have options on how they will deal with it. I was never one to follow social norms. I just did what felt right to me, but I believe you can see a variance in general mantality even between states in the US.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Alpha Prime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Alpha: Why exactly do you think that? And which of the many definitions of passive aggressive (or all of them) do you find so personally offensive. Can you give an example of why you think it invites bad relationships?
    Def: Exerting aggression in a non-direct way.

    Unresolved aggression leads to resentment. Imagine several unresolved cases/issues, in one relationship: Bitchassness, pronto!


    Passive aggression is cowardly and stupid.
    Hit like a heavyweight, breathe deep, meditate
    Make the whole crowd get loud, make 'em levitate
    I ride through my city like a presidential candidate
    L-A-X, Phantom double-R, and accelerate

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