Sona, I'm going to make an assertion based upon what I emphatically assure you is ample observation:
If you are like you say you are and are not, in fact, a rather clever and dedicated troll, you will never be happy adhering to a strict religion.
I've seen your situation, gosh, so many times that I'll outline what your life will be like for you right now:
-You will analyze your religious upbringing, focusing on the good and positive aspects.
-You will do your damnedest to convince yourself that these positive aspects are enough for you to both deny your lack of genuine faith and, more importantly on a psychological level, a huge portion of your personality.
-This will work for awhile. Then your true self will assert itself with a vengeance.
-You will feel horrible, repent, etc., and most likely repeat the same process numerous times.
It's at this point where the people I've seen in this cycle diverge. I've known several people who finally worked up the moxy to leave the religion behind and be true unto themselves. I've known people who committed suicide. The latter is an extreme to be sure, but no one's mind can deal with the repression-to-indulgence-to-horrible-guilt cycle indefinitely.
Well, at any rate, I only post this because I've seen the precise situation so many times that it's like living in a house overlooking a dangerous curve.