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Thread: Do you do this?

  1. #21
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    When you read someone's post or hear someone talk, do you feel the feelings they feel? Do you have emotional, physical reactions to other posters? There are some people whose posts I can't read because I get empty and tense in my back. I'm talking like -- it's OBVIOUS. Don't just think and try and give me a crazy guess. If it's not strong, just don't say anything.
    Could you please clarify a bit?


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  2. #22
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    It happens to me when someone online is being group attacked - especially if I know the person to have suicidal thoughts or I know other details about their anxiety and/or depression. That affects me quite deeply both emotionally and physically.

    There are other scenarios that I keep referring back to in my mind and work to get a sense of how it is for the person from the inside. This is especially true of people who baffle me, or who are going through something that is hard for me to imagine. It doesn't happen immediately, but my mind is continually drawn to it to better understand it in the marrow of my bones.
    Up until I started my current job at a mental health non-profit I would feel similarly to you about people I felt were being group attacked. After dealing with doctors and patients and getting more into how these situations arise I don't have that much feeling anymore because things are more convoluted with the more information you have. It's not easy to identify the victims and aggressors so sympathy is diffused to the situation in general and not to specific people. You see cause and effect so it's not just "Oh they have suicide ideation" or "They're borderline" so behavior is excused. IOW, I don't just give out sympathy blanketedly or blindly. I have learned that people are often active agents in their own personal problems. Roles are often switched between the victim, the aggressor, and the innocent bystander. Things get confusing and people want to know definitely that what's happening to them is/isn't (more like isn't) their fault.

    So because of that...

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    When you read someone's post or hear someone talk, do you feel the feelings they feel? Do you have emotional, physical reactions to other posters? There are some people whose posts I can't read because I get empty and tense in my back. I'm talking like -- it's OBVIOUS. Don't just think and try and give me a crazy guess. If it's not strong, just don't say anything.
    I have had (negative) reactions to posters before and I decided that I can't allow some anonymous person over the internet to have that kind of power/affect on me. It's a personal affront to me and I don't know why. So it took me a couple of months but I can say my role on the forum has shifted more to an active observer than an active participant. I still get those reactions to certain forum members, but they're not as strong as they once were. I personally like to play Spot the Troll in under 50 posts.

    If it is a situation I have experienced or can vividly imagine how I would react then yes, I do empathize.

    Like Nadir mentioned, if there is a consistency and congruency between the content of the posts, the "real" person making the posts, and their forum persona I'm more likely to feel about the poster because I feel like they're being mostly honest. My baseline belief is that most people here have a forum persona so I can't 100% (hell even 65%) believe what I "read" about the person. Some people (maybe even me ) come across as levelheaded, compassionate, coolly rational, thoughtful, whatever but that may not be the case IRL. Once I began to realize that discrepancy is there my feelings detached. Basically, I just can't involved enough anymore to feel as I once did. I'm too far deep into metaforuming at this point so it's becoming harder for me to separate the People from the Social Network. Even though the people make the structure. Eesh, I hope that made sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Follow up question: If yes, would you consider yourself sensitive?
    I'm more sensitive IRL than I am here.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Follow up question: Are you uncomfortable with errors? Do you fix people's lives?
    Depends on if I care about the error or not. And as a Fe-dominant, I resemble that remark!

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Random questions: Are you obsessed with yourself? With your own mind? I think MBTI does that to you. It sends you off into a thinking spiral.
    Dude, I have a freakin decontamination suit in my closet. After getting totally engrossed in MBTI for a few years I've literally had to wrest my mind back from it's evil clutches. It really does make you self-obsessed. Maybe it's me being an extrovert but I can't spend that much time in my own head, it doesn't go anywhere fun. I imagined myself on this fancy lined covered dais with somebody feeding me cheese and grapes in between me dispensing wisdom that rivaled King Solomon. I don't know, in that spirally thinking you begin to belief you've found some secret map or insight into the mind. I mean I can honestly say, I think about my and other people's psychology way more than I did five years ago and but I can't tell if it's made a positive or negative change. I know it's not neutral though. I also stumbled up MBTI when I was (and still am) figuring out who I am and for me, I do feel like I found something that gave me a leg up. Maybe I did and I didn't.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  3. #23
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Question for all people.

    When you read someone's post or hear someone talk, do you feel the feelings they feel? Do you have emotional, physical reactions to other posters?
    I don't feel what they're feeling. So I guess I don't empathize, but I can sympathize.

    Kind of tying into what proteanmix wrote, if I feel there is a consistency to their posts, and they become more 'Solid' and 'Real' to me, and genuine, and/or I have a connection to them and have begun to care/believe in them, then I will be more impacted by what they post, and my sympathy levels will increase.

    But if I don't have a complete sense of them, or if it's a new person who I don't feel I 'know', then I am much more detached when reading their posts.

    Emotional reactions on my part to posters are often not content-based, it's more tone-based, and whether I believe they're actually being genuine and I see them as consistent. I also think this is where my Fe may become apparent -- I'm probably more concerned with group dynamics and seem to readily pick up or hone in on ripples that disrupt the overall vibe. Again, inconsistencies and erratic-ness play a big part in this vibe and my impressions of individual posters.

    I also don't have a very high tolerance level for general mean-spiritedness and aggression.

    Follow up question: If yes, would you consider yourself sensitive?
    I think so, but I don't know that it's sensitivity in an externally reactive sense. It's more internalized.

    Follow up question: Are you uncomfortable with errors? Do you fix people's lives?
    I am uncomfortable with things not making sense, or blatant errors or untruths that are allowed to just sit out there without being addressed.

    Also, again, inconsistency or the 'random' factor. I can't relate to fixing peoples' lives though - simply because I don't think it's in my power/ability to truly 'fix' their lives - only they can do that. I listen, I offer feedback at times, maybe some nudging, but attempts at direct fixing would in most cases be rejected anyway.

    Random questions: Are you obsessed with yourself? With your own mind? I think MBTI does that to you. It sends you off into a thinking spiral.
    Probably. I've often posted that I think mbti can become detrimental to ones' self awareness/growth if you're sucked in too deeply. And it's easy to become quite self-absorbed with mbti. So I have a love/hate relationship with mbti, and in general try to monitor my time on this site, because I don't WANT to get sucked into it too deeply. So I go in phases where I'll post more often for a while, then I'll kick myself off the site for a while because I don't think it's healthy or it's doing me much good.
    Last edited by cascadeco; 03-06-2009 at 02:28 PM.
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  4. #24
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Toonia, in your example, do you get suicidal? (empathy) or do you feel compassion for them (sympathy)?
    I can take on their feelings, but not their choices. I felt a high degree of anxiety and could see potentially how the statements could be perceived through their lens (although I don't presume 100% accuracy). I can feel the hopelessness of being rejected, the sense of persistence that people are always disappointing, an overall sense of the negative certitude emotionally and socially. I'll shake physically when trying to type a response for others to consider a few different angles on the matter. But at the same time I am observer and can separate their experience from mine. It seems like a contradiction, but inside my head it isn't. It was later verified that their own anxiety levels were extremely high. I'm much too much of a survivalist to get suicidal regardless of how I feel. Whenever there is conflict I start shifting perspectives between the individuals and exploring their vantage points and try to make peace by responding within their context not mine. I consider myself a sensitive person, but also surprisingly tough. I am a tough cookie when it comes to emotions for certain. I do this daily as a teacher. It is common for a student, child or adult, to enter the lesson with considerable baggage for various reasons. While they are with me I work through that negativity with them first by feeling it a little, then by solving or distracting, whichever seems best at the time.

    I have done this same thing online where I have interacted one-on-one with a poster who has psychological distress of some sort. It would be presumptuous to say that I could feel and understand everything, because i don't, but for some reason I am driven to have a sense of it and so have at times spent many hours talking through things with people. I am driven to understand others on a deep level, but it doesn't always happen suddenly and can take considerable effort. Also, very often what I discover is far too intangible to put into words.

    In my own self I can operate by separating my emotions from my thoughts, and so when I am communicating with someone distressed (moreso irl than online, but somewhat in both contexts), I can sometimes tell what they are feeling but hiding by what their presence generates in me, although I can put both sets of emotions as a backdrop to thinking and problem solving, and so experience and observe simultaneously. It's helpful in calming people down which is something I can do almost always in a one-on-one context.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  5. #25
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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  6. #26
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    When you read someone's post or hear someone talk, do you feel the feelings they feel?
    I would say I react to those feelings, but more so in real life. I "pick up" emotions occasionally, kind of like a radio. I'll be in the mall or driving and realize "that person is depressed / scared / worried / excited etc. The more powerful the emotion, the "stronger" the signal, and it can be disconcerting, especially when accompanied with a visceral reaction.

    If someone were to describe their pain to me, physical or emotional, I have a reaction to that - tummy flips or heart pangs. But I do not "feel" exactly the way they feel. I just think I react to it in a physical way.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Do you have emotional, physical reactions to other posters?
    There are a few posters who I feel an (irrational I suppose) aversion to, or an alliance with emotionally. These feelings are the icky gut feeling or a warm fuzzy, as relevant. Sometimes you can feel the angst amidst the words ...

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    If yes, would you consider yourself sensitive?
    Attuned would be the word I would choose.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Are you uncomfortable with errors?
    My own primarily.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Do you fix people's lives?
    No, not anymore I suppose, but try to be helpful if relevant.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Are you obsessed with yourself? With your own mind? I think MBTI does that to you. It sends you off into a thinking spiral.
    I have been focussed on MBTI again, and I learn new stuff each time I revisit. I don't feel obsessed with myself in general. But I do feel like I am at a life stage where I am re-examining who I am and my purpose.

  7. #27
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    I do sympathy (Fe) more than empathy (Fi). I can do it, but I chose not to. It is very, very rarely an involuntary response.

  8. #28
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    I suppose my answer would be yes to all of above.

    Like cascademn though, mine is more sympathy than empathy... feeling for them means I'd try my best to help them get out of the situation... and if that's not possible I feel depressed and in a way frustrated for being helpless.
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  9. #29
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Question for all people.

    When you read someone's post or hear someone talk, do you feel the feelings they feel? Do you have emotional, physical reactions to other posters? There are some people whose posts I can't read because I get empty and tense in my back. I'm talking like -- it's OBVIOUS. Don't just think and try and give me a crazy guess. If it's not strong, just don't say anything.

    Follow up question: If yes, would you consider yourself sensitive?

    Follow up question: Are you uncomfortable with errors? Do you fix people's lives?

    _____

    Random questions: Are you obsessed with yourself? With your own mind? I think MBTI does that to you. It sends you off into a thinking spiral.
    I do feel what the other feels when listening to him or reading a post. That's the reason I have become a bit distrustful of the people in this forum, because people seem to be very quick to respond with sarcasm or condescending positions, if they dont want to think about or be concerned with a problem. I am not used to that attitude from where I live or from myself.

    Yes I am very sensitive, but I can manage to hide it, so I dont try to bug people with it.

    And no, I dont try to get involved into peoples lifes, I throw around the proverbial wisdom from time to time but I leave it open to others to interpret it and understand it. Most people dont notice that or dont care, whats tough again for a sensitive person, but there are tougher things in the world so its no big deal .

    Concerning the brain obsession with ones type, yes I was on the way there, but I bailed out. Anyways it got boring over time. And besides that I have a good concience at my disposal who can tell me when its time to quit.
    (yea, hope never dies )
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  10. #30
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Up until I started my current job at a mental health non-profit I would feel similarly to you about people I felt were being group attacked. After dealing with doctors and patients and getting more into how these situations arise I don't have that much feeling anymore because things are more convoluted with the more information you have. It's not easy to identify the victims and aggressors so sympathy is diffused to the situation in general and not to specific people. You see cause and effect so it's not just "Oh they have suicide ideation" or "They're borderline" so behavior is excused. IOW, I don't just give out sympathy blanketedly or blindly. I have learned that people are often active agents in their own personal problems. Roles are often switched between the victim, the aggressor, and the innocent bystander. Things get confusing and people want to know definitely that what's happening to them is/isn't (more like isn't) their fault...
    That makes a great deal of sense.

    Sometimes in looking back at the moment of defending the person, my anxiety did cause me to focus in on the issue at hand in concern for this person. Those I have gotten to know well, I am aware of their role in the negative outcomes and sometimes am aware of things that extend far beyond what the group could imagine about the person.

    I am wary of group judgment and punishment because it has a clear and measured history of being flawed. It doesn't mean the individual who inspired the negative outburst isn't responsible, it means the group is using a response style that has a high degree of being false or exaggerated to the point of being false. I found that if there is a desire to punish a person, than reason has left the building. Desire must be irrelevant and problem solving in the forefront of the steps taken.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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