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  1. #1
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Default I have a huge issue with extreme extroverts, help please.

    I'm an extreme introvert and I get extremely annoyed and insensitive toward extreme extroverts, it doesn't matter what type they are. I will often go out of my way to avoid these kinds of people, they bring out the absolute worst in me. I'd rather be around a mildly extroverted ESTJ (my opposite, not discriminating here) than an extremely extroverted ENFP.

    I also started this thread because my mom is a very extroverted ENFP. I often get insensitive and I get annoyed even when she opens her mouth. She thinks I don't love her anymore because I really just want her to shut up. She is always trying to talk to me, she tries to talk for about 4 hours then gives up. I'll talk with her for about 30 minutes of those, but the rest are just her getting angry at me for me not wanting to listen to her talk about the same thing she does to me every time she talks. I don't think she understands the concept of not saying anything if there isn't anything to say. I don't want to hear about the same drama again, I don't want to hear about her problems that I already advised her about 30 times once again, I don't want to hear anything unless it's new. She thinks I don't love her because of this.

    So is there any advice someone could bring to the table about dealing with these kinds of extroverts? I don't think I will fair too well when I grow up if I don't get some method of dealing with these people.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  2. #2
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
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  3. #3
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Your mom probably shouldnt be talking to you about her problems. That could drive anyone insane. It may not be extroverts you have a problem with so much as your mom driving you crazy.

    You should probably talk to her about it. "mom, i need time for myself, I can't listen to your problems all the time." Getting angry might not be the best way to deal with it.

    Being needy doesn't mean she is ENFP.

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i think my older sister is probably that kind of enfp...love her to pieces but everything is amplified in her...over dramatic...over sensitive...over talkative...it's just a lot. not with me...i can deal with it but i see that it drives some people batty.

    honesty...that's my only advice. just say you drive me crazy woman! tone it down or talk to someone else!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Well, I don't think the problem is with extreme extroverts as much as it's with a mother that won't respect your boundaries. She doesn't understand that a method of communication that invigorates her is actually draining to you.

    I read a couple of Costrin's articles awhile back, and they were good. MBTI and introvert/extrovert theory is a good place to start. Hopefully it will interest her.

    The thing is, if she's really ENFP, you need to make it clear that you love her. That your need for quiet time is simply a fundamental need, and that it doesn't reflect how much you love her. You, in turn, need to realize that her need to talk is every bit as fundamental as your need for quiet. Hopefully a compromise can be arranged.

    Good luck.

  6. #6
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    That last article was great, Costrin!
    Something Witty

  7. #7
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Just so you know my mom has taken various MBTI tests, she is a certified ENFP. I wasn't just assuming Elaur.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  8. #8
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    gad!
    That's what cats are for.
    Throw the damn thing to their faces and run for your life.

    ps: Yes, you're still legally responsible for your cat.
    My advice: Use somebody else's mouse eater.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  9. #9
    S Saiyan God Mace's Avatar
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    Extreme extroverts? Damn...

  10. #10
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are on the right track in your willingness to do some listening, but then noting that you have your limits. It does help to stay calm if possible. The boundary issue is especially difficult with family. You might need to excuse yourself to run an errand or something that physically removes you from the situation after that first half hour. You might need to plan ahead of time some graceful outs to these situations. I'm not sure what types of things would be seen as a legitimate reason to exit in your family culture, so it is difficult to make specific suggestions. As long as you can stay really calm and unaffected while you make your exit, it should help a little although there will still be tension. It is important to know you have a right to your personal boundaries and limits, and know that when you can feel in control of these, then your resentment will start to fade which will make the communication easier for your mother as well. While making these personal adjustments it will typically go easier if you plan a few things to put your mother at ease like giving her a gift with a kind note she can refer to. That is something you can do on your terms.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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