I am so depressed, angry and disheartened right now. Yesterday I was ordered to allow access to my children for their father, my ex husband.
Sounds fair, but then this is the same ex husband who physicaly abused me for 8 yrs, this is the same ex husband who said he would kill me if he knew I was raising the children as non muslims, this is the same ex husband who told our son, that he was possessed by a jinn and need an exorcism, this is the same ex husband who downloaded the nick berg beheading and watched it whilst our son was in the room until I came and took him out of the room, this is the same ex husband who jumped up and down in celebration when the twin towers fell in front of our son, and cheers every suicide bomber, whilst rants about kiling jews, this is the same ex husband who taught my son to spit at me and call me derogatory names, this is the same ex husband who lied in court and was proven to be a liar (there was more, so much more). Still sound fair?
How is it that violence is not an automatic factor in an access case?
How is it that he can lie in court, the judge say "I find you to be a liar", and still be rewarded?
How is it that my safety doesn't matter even though I proved beyond any doubt that he had abused me? They say eventualy I will have to hand over the children alone, how is that right?
How is it that an educational psychologist and the social services all recommend NO access, and he still get it?
Is it because he cried victimization? is it because he made a formal complaint of racism?
I just don't understand, now I will never be really safe, and I could end up the next honour killing statistic, another page in a paper of a woman who kept asking for help yet kept being shot down.
I am so angry, I feel so let down, I just can't believe that his love for them is enough to sway a court, that an appeal to emotion is accepted in the face of logical proof that he mentally damaged our eldest child already and that he is a huge risk to me.
They say I have to give it a go, and that if it goes wrong, which it will, that I can return to court, they ignored me when I said that this is gambling with my childrens mental health, that their lives were not up for experimentation to see if it will work for the tenth time, they seem to be igoring the fact that if it goes wrong I may not be alive to return to court.
So much for justice, it doesn't exist.