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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Default Justice does not exist

    I am so depressed, angry and disheartened right now. Yesterday I was ordered to allow access to my children for their father, my ex husband.

    Sounds fair, but then this is the same ex husband who physicaly abused me for 8 yrs, this is the same ex husband who said he would kill me if he knew I was raising the children as non muslims, this is the same ex husband who told our son, that he was possessed by a jinn and need an exorcism, this is the same ex husband who downloaded the nick berg beheading and watched it whilst our son was in the room until I came and took him out of the room, this is the same ex husband who jumped up and down in celebration when the twin towers fell in front of our son, and cheers every suicide bomber, whilst rants about kiling jews, this is the same ex husband who taught my son to spit at me and call me derogatory names, this is the same ex husband who lied in court and was proven to be a liar (there was more, so much more). Still sound fair?

    How is it that violence is not an automatic factor in an access case?

    How is it that he can lie in court, the judge say "I find you to be a liar", and still be rewarded?

    How is it that my safety doesn't matter even though I proved beyond any doubt that he had abused me? They say eventualy I will have to hand over the children alone, how is that right?

    How is it that an educational psychologist and the social services all recommend NO access, and he still get it?

    Is it because he cried victimization? is it because he made a formal complaint of racism?

    I just don't understand, now I will never be really safe, and I could end up the next honour killing statistic, another page in a paper of a woman who kept asking for help yet kept being shot down.

    I am so angry, I feel so let down, I just can't believe that his love for them is enough to sway a court, that an appeal to emotion is accepted in the face of logical proof that he mentally damaged our eldest child already and that he is a huge risk to me.

    They say I have to give it a go, and that if it goes wrong, which it will, that I can return to court, they ignored me when I said that this is gambling with my childrens mental health, that their lives were not up for experimentation to see if it will work for the tenth time, they seem to be igoring the fact that if it goes wrong I may not be alive to return to court.

    So much for justice, it doesn't exist.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I wish I had something encouraging or profound to say. I don't. Sigh.

    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I wish I had something encouraging or profound to say. I don't. Sigh.

    Thanks Jennifer.

    I just want to know if I am right in feeling so betrayed and let down? or is this the way it should be and I am seeing it all wrong.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    I just want to know if I am right in feeling so betrayed and let down? or is this the way it should be and I am seeing it all wrong.
    I don't think feelings are wrong. They are what they are.

    I share MANY of the concerns you voiced in your post, especially about the safety of your kids -- and ESPECIALLY your safety. (I really am worried about you. I wish you could just get out of there.)

    I did not see the court session, I don't know your ex-husband, I do not know what the judge saw, so I do not know any of the details or whether impartially the court should have reached the same conclusions you have.

    But knowing what you know, yes, I can easily see how you would feel betrayed and let down by the system. It seems very unjust. In your situation, I would be scared, angry, and hurt.

    You were afraid of this, though, weren't you? I think two weeks ago you expressed concern that this was how things would pan out.

    What do your children think? How do they view all of this?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry, Sahara. I don't have the words. This is bullshit.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  6. #6

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    What does your lawyer say?

    Obviously I'm in agreement with your position as this has been a beef of mine for a long time, but my approach is to always try to find a way to negate the need for sympathy itself.

  7. #7
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    That just all kinds of sucks!

    Can you get a permit for a weapon and learn how to use it?
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #8
    heart on fire
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    So sorry you are having to go through all of this.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post

    I did not see the court session, I don't know your ex-husband, I do not know what the judge saw, so I do not know any of the details or whether impartially the court should have reached the same conclusions you have.
    Ok, well one example of what the judge saw, my ex husband threatened my barrister at the courts, my barrister testified against him, my ex denied it even though it was provable, and the judge ruled against my ex,

    My ex husband threatened my friend (mystery) at the court house, she testified against him court, she won.

    The judge made my ex PROMISE never to hurt me again lol, because a liars promise is binding you know.

    My belief is that the judge didn't want to rule against his fundamental beliefs and the effect they have had on my eldest because to do so would be to open a can of worms, of racism and victimization, which as I said he was already crying about.




    But knowing what you know, yes, I can easily see how you would feel betrayed and let down by the system. It seems very unjust. In your situation, I would be scared, angry, and hurt.

    You were afraid of this, though, weren't you? I think two weeks ago you expressed concern that this was how things would pan out.
    Yes I thought this was what was going to happen, I had a bad feeling. However what is angering me the most is that I said I would allow access one day provided that he was forced to go to anger management, or therapy.

    They are not making him do anything, it's an easy ride, no hassle, here you go Mr *****, have a nice day.

    This taught me that it's ok to lie on the stand, it's ok to threaten witnesses, it's ok to beat your wife, because NONE of it matters, none if it, the judge will just pat you on the back and solicit a boy scout promise to behave in the future.

    What do your children think? How do they view all of this?
    My children love their dad, they also love sweets and would eat sweets ofr breakfast, but I don't let them because oit's bad for them, same as my anger about this.

    It's simply a matter of time now, I just have such a bad feeling about this all.

    If I am making no sense it's because I can't find it in any of this.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  10. #10
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    If you were in Canada he'd be in jail... Then again the system here let my mother keep us even though by all rights had she been a man she'd be in jail and not allowed access to anyone under 18.

    In Canada a crack whore gets her kids and allamony over a car mechanic with no abuse record. Dope that out...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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